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Q & A Volume II: Finding Peace in a Painful Truth, Feeling Energy, and Letting Go of PickUp

January 27th, 2009 by Ryan

Is it possible to find peace in the midst of sadness? 

Is there a practical exercise to sense subtle energy?

Where does pickup and seduction fit in with our spiritual path?

These are some of the questions featured in Volume II of the Question and Answer Series.  Check out Volume I: Humility vs Confidence, Finding Your Mission, and Saying Hi to Women in case you missed it and feel free to submit any questions of your own in the comments section.   Thanks and enjoy.

Finding Peace in truthI have heard that truth always brings joy, yet sometimes it feels like the truth hurts more than a lie would.  Are there times when life is simply painful, like in the case of a loss of a loved one?  How can we make peace with this apparent painful truth?

On one level, I can understand how sadness can seem to come from outside events.  Emotions, whether they are unpleasant or pleasant, are constantly passing through us and that's ok. 

It's totally natural to experience chaotic emotions at times. 

I think it really comes down to our ability to allow life to happen (rather than resist it) that determines whether we bounce back or suffer for long periods of time. 

We often beat ourselves up for having feelings, and that is where some of the deeper pain comes in.

In our humanness, we create energetic bonds with others and when those bonds are broken, our entire emotional system undergoes a change.  Crying, for example, is one way that our system clears this energetic charge.

However, if our mind takes over and begins to resists reality, we can fall into depression where we relive traumatic memories over and over again.  

In cases like these, it may be useful to do Self-Inquiry (which is a process of questioning stressful thoughts and meanings, since these are the source of the real suffering).

Let's do some together…

Truth can bring sadness.

Is that true?

Sit with this one for a moment if you like. 

What I've discovered is that it's not possible.  What happens is always for good, the only question is whether I can see the good or not.

I've often discovered that the only way to feel sadness is to believe sad thoughts. To believe a story that the mind is telling.

If someone dies, one doesn’t immediately (in that exact moment) feel sad. One first hears about it, then the mind brings up a story (a collection of thoughts), and then that story determines what the event means and results in a feeling (a positive or negative feeling).

The only way to have anything other than peace is to believe thoughts that aren't true.

And what's true is what is happening; reality.

Remember, it’s not the event that is causing us pain, it’s what we believe that events means that is painful or joyful (ie, it's holding beliefs that argue with reality, thoughts that cause us to resist).

For example, if we feel pain when a loved one dies, it’s often because our mind has determined that it means:

  • We will never experience their presence again
  • They no longer exist, or are somehow suffering where ever they are
  • We should have acted differently while they were alive and now it is not possible to right all the wrongs we have done.

These are just a few of the meanings that may be triggered upon someone’s death, all of which are the mind getting stuck in a polarity or less than useful reality.  

If you were to really work through any of these, you would see how ridiculous they all are.  Then you might experience new meanings like these:

  • We can experience their presence at any moment
  • They exist, and always will, and are in a joyful experience where ever they are
  • We should have acted exactly as we did, for both of us were co-creators of our experience and even though it wasn’t “perfect”, it was how divinity unfolded.  It allowed us to grow and choose a better way through our life experience.

A close family member just passed a few months ago and I felt almost entirely feelings of love while others in my family were in deep sadness.  Of course, I did feel some emotions of grief come up at first but I allowed them to pass through me without resisting them.

Then, I was able to feel love because I was not caught up in an untrue story but was aware of the moment. In the moment I felt love for the person who had passed on.

If one is struggling with past regrets and constantly beating oneself up over what should have been, they are likely stuck in the mind and resisting reality, rather than in the heart and feeling the moment.
It also may mean that one is holding on to other's truth rather than finding their own.

So to clear the emotions, use EFT and TAT as I have mentioned before.

To cut through these deeper, more “painful truths”, try using The Work of Byron Katie.  
Check out the 4 questions and the turn around and you will usually end up finding inner peace.


You talk a lot about sensing energy in your posts, Can you describe what you experience when you feel energy and is there an easy way for me to feel it too?

When I talk about energy, I am referring to the subtle energy emanating from the chakras and aura and also the energy within the meridians. 

Even though everything is made up of energy, I usually refer to experiencing subtle sensations in these areas of the body when I talk about energy. 

I remember a year and a half ago, I was reading Donna Eden’s book Energy Medicine and she had a simple exercise to feel energy:

Step 1: Clasp your hands together in front of your chest and begin to rub them faster and faster to generate heat.

Step 2: Stop rubbing and, with eyes closed, slowly begin to move them away from each other until they are about 6 inches apart then slowly move closer together and then farther apart.

If you can feel sensations against your hands, that is energy.

When I first did it, I felt barely anything.

Now, it feels like a cool breeze and also like my hands have become magnets that have a push/pull force between them.

If I close my eyes, sometimes it feels like my hands are touching when I get close even if they are 2-3 inches away. It’s pretty cool.

I suspect that if one is left brain dominant (logical, scientific, linear cause/effect thinking) it is harder to feel energy.

The more one brings in the right brain, the more they will begin to experience energy and other spiritual phenomena. 

A good program to check out for this type of left-right brain connection is the Holosync Meditation Program It's a system of exposing each ear to different sound waves (behind music) that cause each side of your brain to start communicating with each other, resulting in more inner peace, super-learning, creativity, and it also begins to stimulate the release of things like endorphins, human growth hormone and other cool stuff, all naturally.


What is your take on Pick Up and Seduction as a means to having success with women?  Are these helpful processes for personal growth or are they negative blocks to a fulfilling life?

It seems to me that the pickup artist stuff is a stage one may go through to break out of many limiting beliefs.

What I've come to realize is one is often trading a belief system of being the "nice" guy for a belief system of being a “pickup artist”.

Granted, one has more outward success with women, they are still belief systems that will eventually be let go of.

So pick-up can help those at one level get to a new level, but eventually pickup will start to hold one back. For those familiar with David Hawkin’s work, pickup is mostly force-based not power.  

This means that pickup can be a good stepping stone out of limitations, yet in many cases, it is a stage where the person still has lots of integration left to do (that is, they are still bringing themselves into integrity).

When one starts to come into the full power of their being, they will understand that none of that outer technique-based stuff is needed.  

They attract women into their life through their energy, as a conscious reflection of their inner world.  

When one feels this inner power, there is zero pull toward expending any time or energy to gathering pickup material because it becomes completely irrelevant.

I began to let go of pick up when I realized how much mind-driven, forceful effort it took to adopt the lines and routines.  I focused on changing who I was internally rather than learning someone else’s material, that way I could do “nothing” and have success with women (which is exactly what’s been happening).  

If you think about what power is, it’s being able to do the most with the least amount of effort.  

Pick up is way too much of an energy drain, for me at least.  Attracting women with one’s energy is much more fun and lasting (and everything seems to work out better).

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3 Responses to “Q & A Volume II: Finding Peace in a Painful Truth, Feeling Energy, and Letting Go of PickUp”

  1. Ben Says:

    Break it apart.

    Pickup is comprised of a number of components. A large part of pickup is the practice, the habit, the skill. Another part is the social awareness. Another part is the model of human nature. Another part is the belief system. Another part is the goal of attracting more and more beautiful women. Another is the mindset of sexual abundance.

    You should consciously choose which areas to keep, and which areas to discard. I would argue that even if you’ve “given up” pickup, you still incorporate many parts into your being, into your existence. Have you chosen to do so, or is a habit?

  2. frank Says:

    yeah, right. It’s a very hard thing for normal people to recognize that attraction is natural. They see a cool dude getting chicks and think “I have to do things more like him because he gets results”. They think it’s ACTIONS or BELIEFS that makes others so successful. But it’s ENERGY. I mean even when you get your brain around it, it’s still a whole new world when you get an experience of how this works.

    Even Ben here thinks that the sexual abundance mindset is a part of pickup. But it’s more like a higher universal truth recontextualizes all that’s beneath it. When you are enough, not needy etc, who the hell needs pickup?

    I think guys have a hard time imagining that they are able to grow beyond a desire and that it’s just a stepping stone to get in touch with oneself and not an end.

    “When one starts to come into the full power of their being, they will understand that none of that outer technique-based stuff is needed.

    They attract women into their life through their energy, as a conscious reflection of their inner world.

    When one feels this inner power, there is zero pull toward expending any time or energy to gathering pickup material because it becomes completely irrelevant.

    If you think about what power is, it’s being able to do the most with the least amount of effort”

    Like it 😉

    franks last blog post..Attraction DEBUGGED – The REAL Characteristics of an Alpha Male

  3. Ryan Says:

    Hey Ben,

    Great point about all the various aspects of pick up and how some are more long term and other are just temporary. You mentioned habits and choosing what to keep; this is exactly what I mean by “integrating” which is a natural part of personal evolution. I think the best way pickup can serve us is if it helps us move Through it so we get to the point where we don’t need to consciously “use” it.

    This way we can keep only the parts that resonant with our authentic self. The trap that I saw in some types of pickup is that one focuses too much on building a persona as a means of achieving a desire that is born out of lack. The easiest way to tell what is right for you is if you are constantly becoming happier and life is becoming more flowing.

    Frank that’s a good point about a higher truth recontextualizing everything so that pickup is not needed. Its like you said, some guys learning pickup see other guys being successful so they mirror what they are doing in an effort to get the same results. The error that they often don’t realize until later is that their energy system is literally built in a way that is often totally different than that other guy and that doing what works for him could drain their energy and happiness. If one really enjoys pickup and can bring in the energy of the heart (or the right brain), they can find themselves through the process.

    Either way, its not a race or a contest. Everyone will find what works for them. For me, Ive just found the most peace with letting go of almost all of it, though it definitely did serve me in the process.

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