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Q & A Volume I: Humility vs Confidence, Finding Your Mission, and Saying “Hi” to Women

January 15th, 2009 by Ryan

How does one balance the openness of humility with the strength of confidence?

How can we go about finding and living our mission so that our life is more fulfilling and rewarding?

What happens if we say "hi' to a woman and they don't say "hi' back?

These are several of the questions I have been asked recently that I think many of us have had to deal with them at one time or another.  

As you can see, it's been a while since my last post (I have been doing some major inner growth which you probably have been as well), so to get the creative juices flowing, I'm going to be doing a series of Question & Answer posts.

I'd like to invite you to think of any questions that you have about personal or spiritual growth and post them as comments or send them through the contact page and I'll do my best to answer them either in the comments section or in a new post.  

Below are the first 3 questions of the series.

Enjoy and Happy 2009.  Sat Nam!


Where do I draw the line between being humble and being confident in my own abilities.? Do I "own" any of my abilities or do they all come from God? It seems to me that being humble and being confident cannot mix.

I think many people confuse humbleness with giving away their power or going into sympathy (which means lowering yourself so others don’t feel bad).

You can be humble while still owning your own strength.

For me, humility is the awareness that everything is an expression of source energy or Divinity, that you are simply a channel for consciousness to flow through.  It’s also about having gratitude for all the gifts you have been given and mentors who have helped you along the way.

You realize that everyone is Divinity expressing itself, and therefore no one person is inherently "better" than anyone else.

Giving away your power, on the other hand, is putting other people's needs in front of your own.
Likewise, sympathy means sacrificing your happiness so that you can be on the same level as someone else. 

This is the ego trying to make itself equal to another person.

Ironically, when you realize that we are all Source Energy, you see everyone as inherently equal, unconditionally.

If I am rich and that man is poor, then I still see us as equal, therefore there is no need to dumb myself down.

It's the ego that has forgotten that we are all equal, and that leads us to sympathize with others.

We can still choose to help them, yet here I am referring to your inner state, not what actions you carry out.


I know that a big source of power for me as a man comes from finding and following my mission in life, yet I’m not sure how to go about doing that.  What is the best way for someone to find their mission?

In my experience, finding one's mission is very counter-intuitive. I thought a lot about finding my mission and tying it to my unique gifts.

I was good at computers, information, creating systems, marketing, business, all that stuff. I decided that my mission was to simplify technology for the world and thereby help people in this information age.

I raised money and started a business with a friend only to find myself stressed out leading to rapidly declining health, less emotional well-being, and lack of abundance with money and women.

One day at a health fair, I met an energy healer and she read me very well, described which chakras I needed to work on (very accurately), then said my purpose was in healing the world in some big way.

I had no motivation to be a healer at all and this weirded me out a little.

Over the past 2 years since starting along the spiritual path, I've been able to quiet the mind some and connected to source energy to a much greater degree, which has allowed me to really take a journey inward to self healing.

The more this happened, the more I felt guided to start something with no clear path laid out (whereas with my "business" my path had been "planned out" with 5 year projections).

To me, finding one's mission and purpose involves quieting mind so that the desires of the ego fade to the background (still there though), and the purpose that’s always been there beneath the surface starts to rise up.

It's like driving a distance of 500 miles at night, only being able to see 10 ft in front of you.

You will feel pushed to do something but you don't know how this particular thing will help you. It's not until afterward you see the utter perfection that the universe has lined up for you to grow in that moment.

It’s adopting the attitude of being of service, living with humility, and cultivating the ability to trust that subtle voice that guides you.

Also it's a willingness to live, and, a let go from needing to have a mission at all.

You don’t really think your way into your mission, you feel it.

My current mission feels like healing today's masculine, or being an example of masculine love.

It’s ok if you don’t feel it at first, just ask for it to come and then let it go and go to work healing your relationships.

Do what gives you the most joy.

Ask yourself, "would I be doing this work if I wasn't being paid for it?"

If you are driven to do it with no regard for personal gain, then you will be on the right track.

Ironically, the universe will provide you with all you need the more you step into your path.

Also, the specifics of your mission can change in any moment too (its a fluid thing), yet your underlying purpose will be quite consistent.


The other day I said hi to a girl in my class and she just ignored me which gave me an unpleasant feeling in my stomach.  I don’t want to be just walked on but I also don’t want to be a jerk over something so small.  How should I have responded?  Should I have called her on it or just let it be?  What would a man of masculine power do?

Well first off, do you have an agenda for saying hi or was it just an expression of who you are, a gift?

You can tell if your offering has an agenda or a need behind it if you become frustrated or reactive if others do not give a desired response.

If I say hi to someone, I have no conditions. I am offering a greeting, the moment I express it, a gift has been given. I need nothing in return.

If they smile back and say something, then great. If they turn their shoulders and snub me, no problem.

In fact, if they don’t respond well, I take it to mean that is how they treat themself; cold and unresponsive.

I only ran in that energy in that particular moment, but they have to live with it 24/7…ouch!

This leads me to feel compassion for them, their negative self-talk must be very harsh, so I send them pink light and bless them in my heart.

My emotional state is unaffected because it requires nothing outside of me (or at least this is what I am working towards and embodying more each day).

Love that comes from within is not subject to anything or anyone…its rooted within your being.

It’s ok if unpleasant feelings are triggered in these types of situations.  It’s just means you have more attachments to clear using things like EFT and TAT.

Our power is always within us, the outside world simply helps by reflecting parts of ourself that we may not fully see.

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3 Responses to “Q & A Volume I: Humility vs Confidence, Finding Your Mission, and Saying “Hi” to Women”

  1. Bart Says:

    Ryan, good to see that you’re posting again!

    In terms of finding your path and purpose, I think that the journey to discover it is as beautiful as pursuing the path. I don’t think it has to be a non-linear thing either. Some can take a rough look at their life and just say, “Man, I’d really like to be teacher (or whatever) but…” and find out clues to what they should be doing. Anything that comes before “but….” is a great place to start in looking for your path.

    Second, in response to the confidence and humility thing – I try not to get overly concerned about it. Humility, to me, has nothing to do with being quiet, soft spoken or minding your P’s and Q’s. (Sorry mam, pardon me sir…). Instead, it has everything to do with *accepting* you for who you are and where you are. Also, you don’t have the need to compare. When you accept where you’re at, you don’t need to one up some one or steer the conversation to yourself.

    I agree with Ryan in that, acknowledging God above and god within will do a great deal for you in regards to humility. Namaste – I acknowledge the divine within. Both within myself, and with in you. I respect us both.

    Anyway, nice to have you back. Missed you. Hope you’re massive and grown in the self advancement department… so you can share it with the rest of us, of course!

    – Bart

    Barts last blog post..Escape From The Sprawl Position

  2. Q & A Volume II: Finding Peace in a Painful Truth, Feeling Energy, and Letting Go of PickUp | Yang Town Says:

    […] are some of the questions featured in Volume II of the Question and Answer Series.  Check out Volume I: Humility vs Confidence, Finding Your Mission, and Saying Hi to Women in case you missed it and feel free to submit any questions of your own in the comments […]

  3. Ryan Says:

    Hey Bart! Thanks man, Yeah its good to be back to posting and seeing thoughtful comments from ya. Well said, self-acceptance and humility go hand in hand. Good point too about being able to just reach out and grab your purpose and go for it. I think when it comes down to it, we each live our purpose in every moment just by existing so its impossible to screw up, yet on another level I think there are specific things that we may have set out to experience. There is still much to explore in this area so I’m sure I’ll write more about it in the future. A good book that I just started on this topic is Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss.

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