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Porn: The Real Energy Drainer

[The following is an excerpt from the free eBook Revive Your Sex Drive: The Yang Man's Guide to Increased Sexual Energy, Confidence and Power. Click here for download instructions.]

One of the most common habits among guys, is that we all have (or have access to) a porn collection that we frequently or occasionally jerk off to when we are horny, lonely, or just plain bored.  

The masturbation isn’t a bad thing by itself, since it’s good to develop a relationship with one’s self, but combining it with porn is where a few deeper problems arise.

When a guy is masturbating to porn, he is subconsciously training himself to put women on a pedestal and to give his power away to women (doing anything for them, letting women walk all over them etc.).  

He imagines a sexual act in his mind but that act has shame/guilt tacked onto it. The guilt and shame arises from society, parents, the church or other authorities. (It’s not their fault, they were just trying to do what they thought was based but it was coming out of a fear based reality).

This programming that says that sexuality is partly wrong is often deeply embedded within the guy, (this is why many guys hide their porn, downplay its role in their life, and otherwise avoid talking about it except with some of their friends).

Masturbating to porn triggers this programming and summons the energy of guilt and shame.

The mind is unable to tell the difference between an imagined reality and reality itself.  When a guy masturbates, his mind believes porn to be real and how the world works.  The mind over generalizes and links things together in groups.

So when he goes out into the real world, all that guilt and shame he received while jerking it to porn gets associated with any beautiful women that he sees or talks to.

The two get linked together and approach anxiety is increased a thousand fold.

Any guy who frequently masturbates conditions himself to associate beautiful women with the feelings of guilt and shame (just like how pavlov trained his dogs to salivate when he rang a bell). He also ends up placing too much importance on looks and no other qualifications because that is his only focus while masturbating to porn.

He doesn’t care if the porn star has a sense of humor or read. He is focused solely on which body part turns him on the most simply because that is the only part of her that he can access (he can’t talk to her, or feel her, or smell her…he can only look at her).

So when he goes out to look for women to date, he will have trained himself to look for one qualification: looks.  

Good looking women are all over, though if you don’t qualify them for looks and heart, you may get get a lot of unwanted baggage with those good looks.

When a guy only cares about looks yet subconsciously believes that he can’t get women because he isn’t good enough, feel tremendous inner conflict, frustration, and loneliness.

In this loneliness, he may turn to porn for a momentary relief from his frustration and sadness. This leads him to masturbate to porn, further reinforcing his loneliness, turning into a negative addictive cycle.

     Women become fantasies and the guy starts to believe that real life women are unobtainable.  Jerking it to porn is a double edge sword:  On the one hand it feels good but on the other hand it reinforces the fact that the guy can’t get sexual pleasure from a real woman and is forced to watch porn.  

Not only that, orgasm puts the guy in a vulnerable and suggestive state.  At the moment of orgasm, his energy field (ie, his subconscious mind) is opened tremendously. This is why many unrealistic beliefs are deeply programmed into the guy when he jerks off to porn.

One belief is that only hot women fall for guys who are in shape and have large members (which is another myth perpuated by guys who make these movies). Since most guys don’t fit those descriptions, they develop beliefs that they are “not good enough” to get hot women or to keep them satisfied.

Since these guys put some much emphasis on looks and size, they project these beliefs onto women and believe that they care about looks and size as well.  

Another problem many guys experience is ejaculating too fast when they become physical with a woman.  On a deep level they may feel guilty about masturbating to porn or about someone “catching” them do it.  This fear of getting caught can condition the body to ejaculate quickly before someone sees them.

Leaking Sexual Energy

A friend of mine describes this process of giving away your power using the phrase “leaking sexual energy.”  Women leak sexual energy by looking for sexual validation in clubs, whereas guys leak it by masturbating to porn.  This is especially crucial if these things happen within a relationship.

 “Porn is definitely leaking, plus it trains the man to give his power away to women. Porn is the number one training ground for this kind of imbalance, for training one’s self to give power away to women.”

Most approach anxiety is programmed in through that channel. In the days before porn, there was SHYNESS, it wasn’t as debilitating as we see in the men of today. Also, porn will cause one to attract lower energy fields of lust, shame, guilt, pride, apathy, depression, anger, madonna/whore, etc.” -Steph

A guy who puts women on pedestals will give away his power to them. He will allow women to walk all over him, treat him badly and he will jump to meet any need a woman has because he is conditioned to “get” sex even if it means paying with his own integrity. This reinforces the “nice guy” attitude and is counter-productive in creating sexual attraction.

The Emotional Connection within Sex

    The sex in porn is often very physical and leaves out the crucial element that has been proven to make women have more powerful orgasms: emotional connection.

    Women that feel a strong emotional connection with a man (in addition to the physical part) are more relaxed and their biology responds better, allowing them to enjoy sex more.

According to new information and research about female ejaculation, a woman must feel safe and secure in order to be relaxed enough for her to have a full body orgasm.

    When you masturbate to porn, you don’t personally know the women in the videos, so you are training yourself to orgasm based on their physical attractiveness and downplaying the emotional connection element. 

You are also training yourself to orgasm by looking at a woman rather than being with a woman.

    Do you have problems holding eye contact? 

I know the times when I was “using” porn, I had trouble holding eye contact with women even when I consciously tried to hold it. 

The reason for poor eye contact is likely because when we see an attractive woman, subconsciously our brain references some of the recent memories of attractive women which point to us jerking off to porn, which then causes us to feel guilt and shame. 

Then we think “Oh no, I better look away so she doesn’t feel like I’m gawking at her like a sex object.”

That’s our own projection of reality, it’s not what she will is actually thinking.

    For some guys, this may not affect them much since they have these areas covered naturally, live in their own reality, and porn is just a side thing to do in their spare time. 

For guys that are still getting their inner game together, it can be an unnecessary addiction that drains our sexual energy, confidence, and power. 

[The following is an excerpt from the free eBook Revive Your Sex Drive: The Yang Man's Guide to Increased Sexual Energy, Confidence and Power. Click here for download instructions.]

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