Think back to the last argument you got in.  Do you remember what it was about? 

Perhaps you remember how aggravating it was trying to get your point across to the other person?

You might have said to yourself, "If only they would open their eyes and realize that they being ______" (insert negative personality trait).

Relationships can be one of the most challenging and confusing parts of life.  It easy to get caught up in the moment and see only the other person's shortcomings. 

If you've read my article on How to Give Advice to Others, you'll remember how energy plays a big role in arguments. 

The energy you are sending out is more important than the actual words you use.  

Often times arguments are the result of stress, which means at least one person starts off the discussion in a negative emotional state (they are angry, worried, resentful, etc). 

Since most people are reactive, they will try to protect themselves from this negative energy by becoming defensive and eventually go on the offense, leading to a long drawn out fight.

It takes a rare person to step back, and not only have compassion for the other person, but appreciate their unique goodness in that moment as well.

How can we do that?

Well before we get to that, let's do an exercise in awareness.  This one is extremely powerful so be sure to only read on if you can do the exercise, otherwise reading how it works without doing it can spoil its power. 

An Exercise In Awareness
(from David Deangelo's Mastery Program)

Step 1) Write down the names of 3 people you admire or respect (they can be from history or from your own personal life, whatever).

Step 2) Write down 3 qualities in them that you admire or respect.

Step 3) Write down the names of 3 people you disrespect or even hate.

Step 4) Write down 3 qualities in them that you disrespect and hate.

… 

Don't continue reading until you have these down.

Ok got it?

I'm going to suggest that the three qualities in each person that you admire or respect are all aspects of yourself that are actually your strengths that you don't acknowledge enough, lead with enough, or develop enough. 

They are projections of your underdeveloped strengths.

You already have these strengths and you can see how powerful they are but you project them onto others.  You aspire to be like these people in some way and don't realize that you have the same seeds of greatness within you; you just have to develop them more.

I'm also going to suggest that the three qualities in each person that you disrespect or hate are all aspects of yourself that are actually your current weaknesses that you don't acknowledge, come to grips with, or accept in yourself.

They are projections of your rejected strengths. (Aka, your shadow).

They are actually strengths that you are viewing in a negative light, which then causes you to reject them completely in yourself and in others. 

For example, when I did this exercise, I chose one of my personal mentors as someone  I admired because he is a great leader, is very confident, and has a powerful presence.  I realized that these were all aspects of myself that were I just needed to develop and work on.

As for someone who I disrespected, I chose Fidel Castro because I viewed him as a manipulative, lying, dictator who mistreated the Cuban people. 

What I discovered was that these were all strengths within myself that I had been rejecting because I only viewed the negative side of them.  They are all positives that are taken to an extreme; they are good traits that have become unbalanced.

When rapport, charisma, and leadership become unbalanced and are taken to an extreme, they can become manipulation, lies, and control as is the case with Fidel Castro.  If you take any characteristic too far, it becomes its opposite. 

All negative traits are simply good traits that have gone out of balance.

Bravery taken too far becomes bravado; affection taken too far can become neediness; self-improvement taken too far can become self-criticism.

When one rejects the negative side of any trait, they also unknowingly reject the positive side of it too. 

So how does this play into conflict in relationships, especially in the midst of arguments?

When we get caught up in the moment and see only the other person's negative qualities, we are really seeing parts of ourself that we have rejected. 

The world is our mirror.

Instead of focusing on the negative trait, ask yourself "what is the good side of this trait?"

A worrisome parent becomes a loving parent that is unbalanced.  A lying salesmen becomes a charismatic salesmen who is unbalanced.  A nagging girlfriend becomes an affectionate girlfriend who is unbalanced. 

Now instead of resisting their negative quality, you are appreciating their good quality that just got out of whack at the moment. 

So you may ask, "How do I balance them out?"  

That's not really your job, that's theirs (unless they ask you for help).  Though what you can do is stay balanced yourself, since it usually helps them to come back into balance. 

What most people do when an unbalanced person cuts them off on the road or calls them up screaming, is they react by becoming unbalanced themselves.  

It's just like Cesar Milan in the show The Dog Wispherer.  He says that in order to train a dog to be calm, you must first be calm. 

Lead by example.

So how do we stay balanced in these kinds of situations? 

Compassion.

Compassion for others comes from self-acceptance.  When one accepts all of their own imperfections, they automatically accept those imperfections in others. 

This is why self acceptance is so crucial; it allows you to not only have better relationships with others, it also unlocks many hidden powers that you have been rejecting.

For example, for many years I dedicated much of my life to improving myself.  I wanted to cultivate business skills, workout my body, develop charisma, all so I could get closer to becoming this ideal self image that I had created in my mind.

As I moved along with my self improvement, every now and then a small imperfection would surface and I would brush it away as fast as possible.  It was like a shadow that followed me no matter where I went and the faster I ran the faster it followed me.

After a while of repressing this imperfection, this human part of myself, it started to overpower me.  One time when I was in college, I had to get up to give a presentation to the class.  I had done this many times and was getting very good at it.  This time though my throat tightened up and I couldn't speak. 

It was to such a great degree I physically could not speak, my voice was nearly totally blocked.  I had to leave the room to get some water and wait a few minutes before continuing.  I didn't feel nervous or anxious and I didn't understand why this happened.

The presence of this shadow led me to have extreme difficulties with some of my close friends.  I was so motivated to improve myself and I rejected my imperfection so much, that I would often get into disagreements with my friends.  

They weren't very motivated to change themselves, so when we got in disagreements I would focus on their negative traits.  I would say "Can't he see that he is being ___ (wasteful with money, manipulative with others, and so on)."

I saw their self-acceptance as laziness and they saw my strive for self improvement as being a naive follower.  We both projected our shadow onto the other person and then rejected them for displaying that trait that we were running from.

It was not until I worked on myself doing many self acceptance meditations (which can be found in Revive Your Sex Drive eBook along with a tuning fork audio), internalizing the chakra frames, and working with my energy healer, that I was able to come to grips with my own imperfections.  I finally accepted myself in that moment and released years self rejection.

The result has been incredible.  Now that I have integrated those aspects of myself that I had always rejected, that inherent humanness and imperfection, I can now dramatically improve my relationships with others.

I no longer get upset with others when they "aren't perfect" because I accept that part of myself.  When others are fearful, angry, or anxious, it doesn't bother me much.  I understand how they feel because I've been there. 

Having integrated those parts of myself, I can begin to transcend them.

Of course, there are still a few shadows that I may have but most of them are ok with me now. 

If you have a healer or chakra teacher that you work with, they can help you on this journey to self acceptance as well. 

Of course, the easiest way is to simply sit in a quiet room, place your hands over you heart, and repeat "I accept myself just the way I am, even though I'm not perfect."

That's it.

Do it once or twice a day and you will begin to peel away the layers towards compassion.

So remember, the next time you get into a heated discussion, ask yourself:

"What part of this person do I dislike in this moment?" and then,

"What part of myself is being reflected back to me?" and lastly,

"Am I willing to accept this person exactly as they are?" 

Sexual energy is often overlooked in much of the dating and seduction material out there, yet it’s the cornerstone of enjoying a satisfying life with women and with your self.

No amount of good pickup lines or mastering body language will make up for a lack of sexually charged confidence.

Why do some guys just seem to ooze this sexual energy while others seem like sexually-neutral nice guys?

Is there a precise, step-by-step method of harnessing this sexual energy and confidence?

I believe there is a way, a way that does not require medication, constant mental rehearsal, or any other complicated or expensive method.

I just put the finishing touches on the Revive Your Sex Drive eBook package which you can download right by now entering your name and email below:

This eBook covers the most powerful ideas and techniques that I've learned from studying Chinese Taoism, Spirituality, and the Dating & Seduction community.  These include:

• Why Porn Drains Your Energy and Confidence and Increases Approach Anxiety
• How to Let Go of the Addiction to Porn Easily
• A Daily Exercise to Strengthen Your Prostrate, Increase Your Sex Drive, and Improve Your Confidence
• Why Computers Literally Drain Your Energy and How to Counter Their Negative Effects
• A Simple Daily Meditation To Open the Energy in Your Heart (Audio Included)
• Nutrition for Enhanced Sexual Energy and Vitality

This Guide to Increased Sexual Energy, Confidence, and Power is intended to be used by men looking to increase their inherent masculine energy (of course, we need integrate both yin and yang as well).

How do we do this?

In the book I discuss areas where most guys leak sexual energy, such as with the widespread addiction to porn, and ways to maintain and increase it.

Then I discuss the Chinese Taoists model of energy along with the common spiritual model of energy and chakras and how they relate to sexual energy.

Then I cover the exact step-by-step daily exercise to rejuvenate a man's sexual energy, endurance, and overall health. 

Lastly, I discuss yang nutrition and a couple powerful ways to develop your emotional strength.

To give you a better idea of what exactly is in this book, take a look at the table of contents:

Introduction.
    Sexual Energy, Confidence, and My Story
    Yin and Yang Balances

Chapter 1 – Keeping Your Sexual Energy
    Porn: The Real Energy Drainer
        Leaking Sexual Energy
        The Emotional Connection within Sex
        Letting Go of the Addiction to Porn
        Self-Acceptance Tuning Fork Meditation
        Consciously Participating in the Addiction to Porn
        Developing a Sexual Relationship with Yourself
    Energizing Your Life and Overcoming Inactivity
        Take a Walk
        Stretching
        Exercises to Increase Your Life Energy
    Computers Drain Your Energy and Happiness
        Balancing Your Environment with Negative Ions
    Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Body
        Meditation Exercise

Chapter 2 – Understanding Energy: Glands and Chakras
    Taoist Model of Energy
        The Seven Glands
    Spiritual Model of Energy
        The Seven Chakras
        Understanding Energy and Chakras
    Taoist Sexual Wisdom
        Your Body’s Self-Healing Ability
        Conserving the Energy of Ejaculation
        The Energy Transfer of Sex

Chapter 3 – Strengthen Your Prostate and Rejuvenate Your Sexual Energy.
    An Ancient Taoist Secret: The Deer Exercise
        How to Perform the Deer Exercise
        Curing Impotence with The Deer Exercise

Chapter 4 – Nutrition, Emotional Strength, and the Yang Town Mission.
    Nutrition for Yang Sexual Energy
        Mung Beans and Rice Soup
        Yogi Tea Golden Energy
    Overcoming Emotional Fears and Blocks
    How you can help the Yang Town Mission

So check it out and then post your comments, questions or experiences here.

Just enter your name and email below to instantly start reading the book:
Thanks and enjoy.

Do you have a mentor?  In this increasingly virtual world, perhaps your mentor is someone you have never met, but rather a teacher who's products you have purchased and practiced for many years. 

I'd like to introduce you to one of my "mentors" so that you may realize profound changes in your life just as I have.

You may be familiar of The Secret and its Law of Attraction, yet are you familiar with the origin of those teachings?

For the past 2 decades, Esther and Jerry Hicks have been spreading the powerful wisdom of Abraham with books, cds, and in-person workshops. 

Abraham is a group of spiritual teachers speaking through Esther Hicks.  They speak about the three universal laws of the universe:

1. The Law of Attraction
2. The Law of Deliberate Creation
3. The Law of Allowing 

In case you aren't familiar with The Law of Attraction, the basic idea is like this: 

We are the creators of our reality.  Everything that is a part of our life we have attracted somehow with our thoughts.  The universe will bring to us whatever we think about, whether we are wanting it or not wanting it. 

So if we keep thinking about getting out of debt, we will attract more debt.  Whether you are wanting debt or resisting debt, you are still attracting debt so the universe will give you more debt.

Thoughts that have stronger emotion attached to them attract faster than thoughts without emotion.  Emotions are our guidance system.  They tell us whether a thought we are thinking is leading us in the direction of the highest good or not.

When we have thoughts that are in alignment with who we really are, we feel joy, happiness, and excitement.  When we have thoughts that are not in alignment with who we really are, we feel fear, sadness, or despair.

So if we begin to think about debt, we will feel worry or stress.  This is our inner being telling us to change our thoughts. 

In any given moment, our thoughts and emotions are attracting something from the universe.  These can be described as us offering "vibrations". 

By thinking about debt, you activate the debt vibrations inside you.  If instead, you focus on wealth, you are activating wealth vibrations inside you and will begin to attract wealth.

The key with using the law of attraction is to let go of the yearning and trust that it will come.  99% of the time, you will be a vibrational match before anything manifests into your life.

Here is a 5 part series of videos on The Law of Attraction.

Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTb6mKAwftA

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lmRep5MXsB0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mu3j1ztEyKs

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sb749f30Z8w 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gdXyEEE5OVA

For more info on Abraham, visit Abraham-Hicks.com

Do you ever find yourself pushed by some invisible force to do something that you know is unhealthy?  Perhaps you've been battling with this habit for a long time and have not found any reliable way to overcome it. 

You know what you should do but when you are in the moment, you can't help but give in to the craving. 

Addiction is defined as:

• A habitual or compulsive involvement in an activity. 
• A compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance.

I define addiction as "habitually feeling driven to do something in the moment that will drain one's energy and which one will regret later." 

Foods, videogames, relationships, thought patterns, and so on, can all become addictions  if they begin to drain our health, wealth, and happiness.

If we logically understand the addiction is bad for us, then why do we do it?

I believe addictions are not the problem, but rather, a symptom of a deeper problem.  The true problem is with energy, and addictions are the ego's way of dealing with the problem; a form of improper self medication.

I also believe that the solution is not to 'destroy' the addiction but to 'let it go' by bringing in more of the right energy that our body is craving. 

This way we focus on what we want rather than pushing against what we don't want.  This way the law of attraction works with us rather than against us.

The Energy Balancing Act of Addiction 

When our body becomes out of balance, it reaches for the best solution it can find to reestablish balance.  In our advanced world, we receive many mixed signals which may confuse the body into thinking something is helpful when it is not.

For example, when a person feels high anxiety or stress at work, their body reaches for the fastest way to reestablish the energy balance within them: for some, it's a cigarette. 

It instantly calms their nerves and numbs their body.  The trade off of this quick fix is the unhealthy toll it takes on the body, leaving it more imbalanced in the long run.

Smoking is the body's primitive way of trying to balance the energy within itself.  So if one tries to give up smoking by simply stopping smoking, they will feel a HUGE short term energy imbalance of anxiety. 

At this point, it's a battle of will-power to endure the energy imbalance long enough until the body learns to balance it through other means.  Usually this imbalanced is simply expressed through a new addiction.

It doesn't need to be this hard.

Stopping smoking is only half of the solution.  The other half is replacing it with a similar,  life-sustaining energy that addresses the imbalance. 

So in the case of anxiety and cigarettes, the person could learn powerful breathing techniques (part of the smoking high is just inhaling lots of oxygen anyway), meditation or some other practice. 

This will bring in calming, soothing energy to treat the anxiety.  The change from smoking to breathing or meditation doesn't have to be an instantaneous shift, just incremental.  If a person is smoking a pack a day, start to slowly replace it with the new energy. 

A pack a day will turn into 3/4 a pack a day plus 5 minutes of meditation, then 1/2 a pack a day plus 10 minutes of meditation, then 1/4 a pack and 20 minutes of meditation, and so on until its 0 cigarettes and all meditation.  

The reason incremental changes are helpful is because energy often takes a little longer to manifest.  So the first few times of breathing or meditation, they may not notice any change, but the energy is being summoned and continues to build. 

Eventually, the energy will fulfill the person and letting go of the addiction will be the most natural next step.

The Emotional Origin of Addiction 

Another phrase for "energy imbalance" is "emotional imbalance." 

I believe there are two components to addiction: 1) The emotion that started it 2) The body's current craving for it

That is to say that every addiction has behind it a motive for it, or an emotional void trying to be filled.  In one of the EFT training videos, an older woman came to Gary Craig  (the founder of eft) and asked for help with quitting smoking. 

She said she was constantly stressed and cigarettes were the only way to calm her down.  He dug a little deeper and eventually she admitted, with tears in her eyes, that she was sexually abused by her father. 

He immediately started the tapping procedure on her and released years of stuck emotions.  He did a few more rounds and her craving had vanished in less than 10 minutes.  

It was apparent that these emotional wounds were still active in her and smoking was the only way she knew that could ease these feelings.  Once the feelings of anger towards her father had subsided, there was no need to smoke. 

By addressing the emotion, the craving disappeared on its own.

Many people underestimate the powerful connection between emotions and physical health.  They are practically one in the same.

In David Hawkin's Power vs Force, he states

"All attitudes,thoughts, and beliefs are also connected with various pathways, called meridians of energy, to all of the body's organs."

Emotions, which are simply extensions of thought, manifest in your body through your meridians.  This means that when you are feeling negative emotion, your meridians become blocked.  If this blockage occurs for long enough, then it will move to a specific organ and cause a specific health problem.

EFT and TAT are both energy techniques that work directly on fixing your meridians.  By clearing out the meridian blockage at the heart of any addiction, you remove the source of the addiction. 

Then you simply have to wait for the changes in energy to manifest into your physical body.

Consciously Participate in the Addiction

One of the main difficulties of overcoming an addiction is the fact that our conscious brain wants us to stop but our primitive survival brain doesn't.  This creates stress and conflicting drives within us.

A powerful way to transfer power from our primitive brain over to our conscious brain is through simply choosing to participate in the addiction and becoming fully conscious while doing it. 

Since we know that the addiction is bad for us, when our primitive brain drives us to do it, our higher brain starts to judge ourselves during or after the addiction. 

In an effort to shut off the guilt induced by the thoughts of this logical brain, we ignore or repress the thoughts altogether, effectively giving our primitive brain total power over the addiction until it becomes an automatic and unconscious reaction and we are powerless to stop it.

You can tell if someone is in the automatic unconscious reaction stage if they refuse to face reality.  They go into denial which is them trying to silence outside criticisms, just as they have silenced inside criticisms.

By consciously choosing to participate in the addiction, we are shifting power back to our consciousness until the addiction becomes a choice rather than an unconscious reaction.

So whatever the addiction is, choose to experience every moment of it by being fully present.  Then you can let it go when it suits you.

Using the Power of Meaning instead of the Force of Discipline

Another source of power to support you while letting go of addictions is the meaning you give to letting go of the addiction.  

Why should you let go of this addiction?  How does it fit in with your mission?  Where are you headed with your current path?

True power comes from meaning so the meaning we give to any situation will determine how much energy we have to fuel us.

That is why it is so crucial to find your mission and begin to live it, as that meaning will energize every part of your life.

So for instance, my mission with Yang Town is to empower men with spiritual wisdom. So when I looked at drinking alcohol, which I can feel draining me, I simply have to connect it to my mission.

I think, "Should I let go of alcohol or not?….Well, by letting go of alcohol, my body will be in a better state to receive universal energy and consciousness, which will give me more wisdom in my life, which will inspire the articles I write, which will better help myself and other guys, which will provide me with more abundance, which will further allow me to devote my life to my mission. Done. I will let go of alcohol."

The power to let go of addiction comes from meaning you give it.

So for example, if one of my buddies or an attractive woman is pressuring me to drink, it's comparing their approval against my mission. It's not even a choice. In the past, if the meaning is 'so i can be healthier', fun with my friend in the moment will blow away 'healthier.'

Once you make a decision backed with energy of your mission, you will actually feel really good.  When I made the decision to let go of alcohol, I was actually excited to live this choice.  

What many people do is they try to force themselves to give up an addiction. 

Force is the same energy as the addiction itself. 

Force is all about the short term gratification, is complicated, and requires endless energy to accomplish. Power is simple, graceful, and meaningful. Force burns out quickly whereas power endures for long periods of time.

Force drains.  Power energizes.

That is why it seems like a constant struggle to "make it through another day."  This is simply a sign that one  is addressing the addiction using force. 

When one is using force, they will often beat themselves up if they give in to the addiction.  Under force, its very easy to throw away all the progress with just one slip up.

With power, the person has compassion for themselves.  They understand that the addiction is the body trying to balance itself as best it can.  

If I caved into the temptation of something, then I just say "its ok, I'm coming closer to letting go of this completely" and I don't beat myself up about it.

Letting go of addictions can be exciting and natural once you:

1. Find life supportive forms of energy to replace the addiction
2. Use EFT and TAT to balance your emotions
3. Consciously participate in the addiction to gain power over it
4. Align yourself with a powerful meaning by connecting it to your mission

This article is the foundation for a series of posts on addictions that men face.  Future posts will include:

• Letting go of the addiction to porn
• Letting go of the addiction to videogames
• Letting go of the addiction to alcohol
• Letting go of the addiction to bars and clubs
• Letting go of the addiction to codependent relationships
• and more

This is not to say that these activities are "good" or "bad."  Things like videogames and alcohol can be a ton of fun.  It's just when they become an addiction, the quality of your life is at risk.  A true spiritual warrior can consciously choose to engage in any activity knowing full well the trade offs inherent in the choice.

It can also be very beneficial in building character to just let go of everything and see how life changes.

Ask yourself, "What people, activities, or substances are draining my health and happiness?" 

"What would my life be like if I let them go?"

How effective are all these personal development books, cds, and blogs?  Has it transformed your life as much as you hoped?  If not, it may be because you are stuck in one of the stages.

I first got into self improvement in my sophomore year of high school when a friend sent me Jim Rohn's The Art of Exceptional Living.  Once I realized that I had the power to change myself for the better, it seemed like a whole new world had opened up.  

I dove in every book I could find about business, speaking, prosperity, real estate, positive thinking; you name it.  Fast forward almost 10 years to this blog and you'll notice my change of focus from self improvement to spirituality. 

The core difference in approaches is simple.  Self improvement works with the notion that you can change yourself for the better by attaining more knowledge and with constant refinement. 

Spirituality works with the notion that you already know or have access to all the knowledge in the world, it's just a matter of relaxing into your true self and realizing the power you've always had inside. 

I like the term personal development as a bridge between the two.

Along this path of self discovery, I've noticed four distinct stages that a person goes through in developing themselves: Read, Practice, Integrate, Teach.

1) Read or Listen to Gain Knowledge.   Reading, listening, or viewing will allow you to become aware of something on a logical level.  You understand the concept and the idea and you can imagine how it is true based on what you already know of life.  

This is the first stage of personal development as you become aware of new information.  The new information can act as a guide for future decisions, yet alone, doesn't immediately change you too much.

Most people assume that knowledge is the same as wisdom, and that by knowing more they will become more.  This is not the case, as they are forgetting a few steps.

2) Practice to Gain Wisdom.  Practice is the act of taking what you know and acting on it.  As advanced and smart as our minds are, they are no substitute for the real world. 

In the words of Dan Millman, Author of The Peaceful Warrior:

Only action has the power to turn knowledge into wisdom. Once Socrates and I were servicing a car, and I was doing the windows and he was pumping the gas, and I said, "Well, what is the difference between knowledge and wisdom?"

He just looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said, "Knowledge is knowing how to clean the windows, and wisdom is doing it." Wisdom is practice, practice, practice.

When we put an idea into action, we see how true it really is for us and this is the stage where change begins to take place. 

It's easy to know how to meditate or how to ride a bike but our body doesn't feel any different until we actually start to do one.  (Although visualization, which is imagining yourself taking action, can be effective to some degree).

Something my friend Ariel said that stuck a cord with me is this.  

Life IS meditation….Sitting cross-legged in a corner is like a first step. You DO meditation.  Do it enough and you BECOME meditative.

It's the same with compassion. You DO the Compassion so much that you BECOME compassionate. Anything and everything you do becomes imbued with compassion because it's simply a reflection of what you are.

Wisdom is different from knowledge in that you have information and experience to back it up.  

3) Integrate to Develop Character.  Once you have practiced something enough to become proficient at it, you can now integrate it into your life. 

Integration is like taking the skill that you've learned, and adding it to your personal tool belt, to be called upon automatically when it is needed. 

It's when you take your learning focus off of a concept and go on to focus on something else yet still retaining 100% capability of using it. 

For example, I've done EFT so many times, that now when I feel any fear or emotional block I go straight into doing a round of EFT.  I don't need to think about it or analyze it, I just do it because I know it works.

Now that I use this Emotional Freedom Technique so much, I am living with emotional freedom.  It has become a part of who I am, my character.

When things happen around me, I have emotional stability and strength.  Often others may be panicking or freaking out while I am only a little concerned or relaxed. 

The great thing about integrating something is that your body begins to automate the process for you. 

By clearing my emotions, such as when fear comes up, I am constantly training my body to release fear and eventually it begins to release fear by itself without me doing anything!

This is the key to becoming a more effective person, since as you are integrating, you are automating.

4) Teach to Transform.  There is something about teaching that rewires your brain so that you understand it on a whole new level.

I believe this is due to our Identity.  We see ourselves as one way and even if we learn to do something very well, we still may retain the old identity of being 'just a student.'  When you teach, your identity gets rewired so that your brain thinks "I'm teaching this, therefore I must be a teacher" and you suddenly have permission to do many more things that you wouldn't have dreamed of before.  

That's probably why this blog has helped me so much.  By teaching what I learn to others, I am training my brain to identify itself as a teacher of all the ideas, which then allows myself to retain more of the wisdom associated with each idea.  

Eben Pagen recommends that as soon as you learn something, teach it to someone else.  You will be FAR more likely to remember it plus you get the goodwill associated with helping others (just remember how to give advice).

Many people (myself included) get in the habit of thinking that knowledge is the same as personal development, when it's really just 1/4 of personal development. 

Reading a book is great and it's the first step to changing yourself, but if you don't take action after reading it then your transformation is incomplete.

Many people feel like their lives aren't changing enough for the better so they keep searching for more knowledge when they are already overloaded with knowledge. 

The answer is not more knowledge, it's more practice.

My bookshelf is filled to the brim with great books, yet I've realized that I only need one or two really good books or programs on any one subject.  There's enough knowledge in just a couple good books to practice for many years.  

I see guys frantically going from one teacher or guru to the next, trying to get that part of their life handled (I did the same thing for a while). 

A better plan may be to just pick one teacher that you really resonate with and stick with them. Then go out and practice their program until you reach the integration stage.  Once you've integrated it you can move on to something else.

So ask yourself, "What knowledge do I have right now that I can practice?"

The wild success of the film The Secret has inspired millions to begin focusing on using the law of attraction to improve their lives. 

The question many people ask when they begin using their thoughts to change their life is "What about action; don't I have to do something?  Things can't just magically appear, right?"

(In case you aren't familiar with the Law of Attraction, view this post.)

So how does action fit with the law of attraction?

I've been wrestling with this idea for quite some time and I am starting to understand the role of action. 

Action is an extension of where your vibration (or level of consciousness) is at any given time. 

The higher your vibration, the more powerful the action and, therefore, the less action you will have to take. 

Think of your life like an apple tree.  If your tree is bearing rotten fruit that is misshapen, distasteful, and attracts flies, what action could you take?

Here is a little story to illustrate this idea.

There were two men each with an apple tree that was producing rotten fruit. 

The first man focused on "fixing the bad applies."  He would go to each one and scrap away the brown spots, kill the flies, and try to make it look good. This would take a long time since he had to do so much work on each apple and there were many apples. 

He said to others, "This is so much work, life is hard."

The second man approached it from a different perspective.  He let the bad apples be and instead focused for a long time on creating wellness in the tree. 

This reflection lead him to call apple tree specialists, do some research, read some books, all before he took any action specifically relating to the fruit.  He learned about the proper environment apple trees thrive in, how much water they need, how much sunlight, what kind of soil is best for them, and so on.  

So finally, he realized that the apples were rotten because the apple tree needed better soil, more water, and more sunlight.  He adjusted the environment, setup a system to automatically do these things on a regular basis, and then sat back and waited.

During this time, the first man was able to sell many of his "fixed" apples at a decent price while the second man still had all the bad apples that he could not sell. 

The first man turned to him and said "Hey we all have bad apples, you just have to bite the bullet and get to work."

The second man replied, "Perhaps." 

By the time the next harvest came, the first man was able to grow 10 times more apples by hiring more workers who all fixed the apples for him.  His profits per apple were lower but he was producing more so it was ok.   

The second man was able to grow 10 times as many apples as well except he didn't need to hire anyone to fix the apples.  Instead, people paid him higher prices per apple because his fruit tasted so much better. 

They would say, "There is just something about his apples that make them taste so much better." 

He sat back and enjoyed an abundant life.  He didn't need to do as much work because his action focused on the supporting the tree rather than fixing the fruit.

So when it comes to taking action, many of us get caught up in fixing the fruit of our life rather than focusing on the tree or source. Look at the medical industry, they are built around quick fixes that work on the symptoms rather than the cause of illness. 

So if you feel that feeling of "I know I should be taking action to reach my goals but I don't know what to do," don't just take action for the sake of doing something. 

Instead, focus on raising your vibration and energy.  Most of the ways that we raise our vibration are considered "doing nothing", "goofing off" or "being lazy" by society's standards.  These include meditating, listening to uplifting music, petting your dog or cat, playing fun sports, basically anything that gives us that surge of excitement or thrill.  

These types of activities are actually very powerful because they allow more life to flow through you which gives you more energy which allows you to do more and take better action.  They work on the source (you) rather than the fruit (everything outside of you).

Try meditating for 15 minutes a day and asking yourself questions such as "I want to know what the next step is for my goal of ____."  or "I want to know what business to start" or "I want to know what I should do about____."

This is the exact way I created Yang Town.  I realized that I wanted to change the design of my blog and create something better but I had no idea what.  I kept asking myself "What should I create?  What should I name it?"  Within a few weeks the idea of yang town flashed into my mind and I spent the next 8 months or so bringing it to life. 

This is why sometimes I won't post for a week.  If I don't feel like my post will be powerful enough to help others then I don't try to force an article just for the sake of writing.  When I feel like I want to write but I don't know what to write about, I meditate and ask for more wisdom. 

Then at some random time a day or two later, I will get a flash of inspiration and I will write a full article like this one in a couple hours.

When you meditate you are connecting to universal energy and knowledge, which raises your vibrations allowing you to access more powerful thoughts and ideas.

This leads to Inspired Action.  You will know when you receive inspired action because you won't need any motivation to work, you will crave work. 

You will feel that rush of energy and taking action will feel like the most natural thing.  You probably won't even consider it work because it feels so good to do.

So sure action is a part of the law of attraction and you have to take action for things to manifest.  The part where most people get hung up on, is they worry about what action before they get the inspiration. 

Get the inspiration first, the action will follow. 

I look at the importance of the law of attraction and action like this: Even though the law of attraction will bring me a check in the mail, I still have to take some action to cash it.  

So in this way my highest priority is taking care of my vibration or raising my consciousness. 

Action is the fruit of Vibration. 

So remember, "How can you raise your vibration or consciousness right now?" 

Hey guys, I only like to write when I feel bursts of inspiration on some topic since this allows me to write about a powerful idea in the simplest way possible. 

Lately I've had a lot of little bursts but nothing big enough for a post.  So in the mean time, here are some great blogs to check out written by some blogger friends of mine:

1) Urban Monk – This blog, by my friend Albert, is very well written and maintained and it's got a very nice clean design.  Topics include ego, compassion, emotional mastery, visualization, gratitude, and many other spiritual and personal development concepts.  Highly recommended.

2) Life In Progress Sciences – You may have noticed Bart adding some of the best content to Yang Town's articles through his comments here.  He writes his own blog on topics such as abundance, masculinity, organic pick up, and more.  Give it a look.

3) Just Keep the Change – In his blog, Alex focuses on "Making Men Better" through weekly articles about dating, happiness, fitness and sex.  One great thing about this blog is that it's packed with good solid content without much else to distract you.  Good stuff.

4) Always Embrace All Ways – Sue Anne shares her wisdom, as she does with her comments here, through her own blog on topics such as consciousness, philosophy, psychology, spirituality, energy and more.  Her articles are filled with heart and backed with experience which lead to some very interesting posts. 

5) Well Being and Health – Another friend of mine, Evan, writes a blog on "All aspects of wellbeing and health: physical, emotional, mental, spiritual and social."  What's interesting about Evan is he was raised as Evangelical Christian but later in life came to many realizations about thoughts, emotions, compassion and more.

6) Lifestyle Transformations – I recently talked with Stefan, one of the coaches for Lifestyle Transformations – a company that "empowers men to maximize their potential, to live life on their terms, and to develop themselves into confident, social, and attractive men" through workshops in Vancouver.  I like his approach, as it serves as a good bridge between seduction/pick up and personal development.

7) Whole Living Today – Tania, a Reiki master and practitioner, blogs about "an eclectic blend of spirituality, quotes & poems, lessons I’ve learned."  Just visiting the blog and reading through the posts, I get a peaceful feeling.  Definitely worth a look.

Let me know if you find any particularly enjoyable. 

Have you ever seen one of your friends or family doing something wrong and you tried to tell them the "right" way to do it?  Chances are, that they didn't respond to well to your "advice" and even resisted or resented your help.  

Why is it so hard for people to take good advice?  Don't they see you care about them and want the best for them?

I've wrestled with this notion for many years and I finally understand the reason.

The problem is not with the advice, or necessarily the person receiving it; the problem is the way in which it is given.   Let me explain.

It finally clicked after watching the Dog Whisperer on The National Geographic Channel.  The show follows Cesear Milan, a professional dog trainer, while he visits ordinary people who have out-of-control dogs and trains them how to train their dog.

One episode featured a dog that was born with only 2 back legs.  This dog had to hop around using its chest as a front leg and would often lash out at other people (besides the owners) who tried to pet it.

When Cesear heard this, he understood immediately what was wrong.  He said something to the effect of this: "The dog doesn't see itself as handicapped, we do.  The dog accepts himself exactly the way he is.  When other people come to pet him, they start to give him love and affection but then they also bring the energy of "ah, you're handicapped you poor thing" which is a sympathy-type energy.  It's like a mix of love and poison which still ends up being a negative energy."

This is one of the most profound things I've ever heard.  Anytime you are experiencing a negative emotion in response to how a person is or is behaving, you are generating within you an unpleasant energy.

When you feel worry, sympathy, anger, frustration, etc. toward another person, you are creating a negative energy.  When you feel this way and then try to give advice to them, you are trying to give them that energy.

Let me ask you, if someone wanted to give you the energy of guilt, or shame, or worry, would you take it? 

No way.

Does it matter if the energy was spruced up with some helpful words?  Not really.

All words are good for really, is for us to agree on what type of energy we intend to communicate to each other.  The majority of this energy, however, is communicated through our own state (our body language, voice tone, facial expression etc).  Research indicates that up to 93% of communication is through things other than our words.

So while you may be "giving great advice" with your words, your state may be giving something else.

Think back to the last time you tried to give advice to someone.  What was your energy like when you were talking to them?  Was it from a place of love, compassion, and understanding or were you frustrated, angry, or worried about their choice? 

In the words of Abraham, "You can't worry about someone and love them at the same time.  They are two different energies." 

Instead of becoming frustrated or worried, see if you can be completely at peace with where they are and the way they are. 

A good way to start is to summon the energy of compassion: 

1) What part of them can you appreciate in this situation?

2) Once you find it, feel it for a little while until you are feeling love for them.

3) Then look at it from their perspective.  Do you see why they want what they want?

4) Consider these questions: 
Can you honor and accept their choice even if you do not agree with it? 
Do you trust the universe to work out in the end? 
Can you see that what might be right for you may not be right for others?

5) How you can share your perspective while feeling this compassionate energy?

Let me give you an example.  One of my family members recently found out they had high blood pressure.  I knew there were various lifestyle choices she could change immediately to fix the problem.  I wanted to tell her about various foods to eat and which to avoid, I wanted her to start meditating, and so on.

The old me would have became frustrated and said "You have high blood pressure because you eat crappy foods, watch the news all day, and don't exercise." 

Although that is all true, the energy in the statement is a reflection of myself.  It's the energy of blame, guilt, and shame at one's self.  In this moment, I am not accepting myself and I am directing this energy to her by not accepting her where she is. 

My advice to her is actually me trying to save myself.  It's my frustration and blame towards myself, not compassion.

Instead, I understand that at one time I was doing many things that were not very healthy for me.  I also understand that she simply doesn't understand that those activities are unhealthy for her. 

I know that deep down, she wants to heal herself and be healthy and happy.  So I make this last statement the basis for my approach and my energy to her. 

I sit her down and tell some of the things I have recently learned and that if she is interested I could tell her more.  I explain some of ways that I have improved my life through meditation and nutrition and teach her how to use them, all the while feeling love and appreciation for her.

The more I tell her, the more receptive she becomes, and the more committed she becomes. 

This is because I was using the power of example rather than the force of knowledge.

By utilizing this approach, you can improve your communication with your girlfriends, friends, family, coworkers; everyone. 

Remember, all advice you are giving is a reflection of yourself.  By working on accepting yourself fully and completely in this moment, you will better be able to help others do the same.   

Do you have a lot of goals but often feel they are taking too long to achieve?  Maybe you know where you want to be but feel like it's tough to make changes stick.  

In the words of Abraham, a belief is simply a thought that you keep thinking.  I see beliefs as a product of the mind and as such, they are not me, just strong thoughts.  Yet so many of us define ourselves by the beliefs we hold.

In politics, people who are on the left are leftists, people with conservative beliefs are conservatives.  The belief becomes a self-imposed border, a way of boxing in oneself.

Have you ever met someone with strong beliefs, maybe someone "educated" or someone very religious?  No matter what new perspectives or information you presented, they somehow managed to fit it into their existing beliefs.  You probably gave up and let them miss out on all these other great experiences you were enjoying.

Beliefs are like employees. 

You can keep them as long as they are serving your business (ie, your mission).  Imagine that your beliefs are employees running a restaurant.  What kind of food does your restaurant make?  So in the case that your present circumstances aren't too great, you could say you're serving fast food.

Let's say you are sick of making fast food and you want to enjoy some fine dining.  Do you think those same employees are going to be able to cook, organize, and present the fine dining experience you want? 

Most likely not. 

You're probably going to have to let them go and find new employees that will serve you better.  It's nothing personal, it's just that they no longer fit with your business' goals.

Beliefs are the same way.  Just as employees serve the business yet are not the business, beliefs serve you yet they are not you. 

Sure, if you have really loyal, hardworking, and trainable employees that can grow with you, keep them along for the ride.  Some beliefs can serve us for all of our goals.

So what is happening when you want to change your life but you feel anxiety about growing or you feel stuck?  You are probably trying to cook fine food with a fast food employee.  You have to let go of the old belief that no longer serves you and make way for some new ones. 

How can we do this?

We must take a step back and observe our beliefs and decide if they are still serving us or holding us back.  An easy method to use when you feel you may have outgrown a belief is to simply ask yourself these questions:

Step 1:  "What belief is at work in this situation?"
Step 2:  "How does this belief make me feel?"
Step 3:  "How does this belief affect my life?"
Step 4:  "Should I replace it or keep it?"
Step 5:  "What is a new belief that makes me feel good?"

Here is an example with a common belief among guys working on their inner game:

Step 1:  Belief: "Very attractive women probably won't like me."
Step 2:  Feeling: This belief makes me feel not too good.
Step 3:  Effect: It prevents me from talking to or interacting with attractive women to some degree.
Step 4:  Decision: Replace it.
Step 5:  New Belief: "Very attractive women will probably love me.  If they don't, then they are not the type of attractive woman I want anyway."

How does this new belief make me feel?  Fantastic.

Here's another one:

Step 1:  Belief:  "I make X amount of money per month."
Step 2:  Feeling:  Feels like not enough money.
Step 3:  Effect:  I keep making the same amount of money each month.
Step 4:  Decision: Replace it.
Step 5:  I am constantly learning and growing my income every month.

How does it make you feel?  Great. 

Remember to make it believable for you, since it must make you feel good.  Change the wording around until you find a belief that is realistic to you that you can integrate.

Break through your old beliefs.

Be consciously aware during your day to day life so that when you act, you notice which belief propelled that action.  This way you identify which beliefs no longer serve you and need to be updated.

It's like what T. Harv Ecker says about the difference between rich people and everyone else:

Poor People believe the order is: "Have, Do, Be."
Rich People believe the order is: "Be, Do, Have."   

I might even change this to: "Believe, Do, Have"

Your beliefs are the source of your actions.  True transformation occurs when you can let go of your old reality and embrace a new one. 

I realized this because I've been having some great successes in various areas of my life yet I started experiencing anxiety about them.  I realized that I had to let go of my old beliefs because they no longer served me.

So ask yourself, what beliefs are holding you back from your goals? 

Have you ever been talking with an old friend and they mention some great success they recently had, maybe like getting a high paying job or buying a really nice house when suddenly a thought pops into your head like "that lucky bastard," or "he doesn't deserve that, what gives?"

I know I've been genuinely happy for friends and relatives and these thoughts have still popped up at times.  I used to feel guilty about thinking them and would say to myself, "Jeez, what's wrong with me?  I keep having these jealous thoughts, does this make me a jealous person?"

The other night I was drifting into sleep when I had one of the greatest realizations in my entire life so far.  My consciousness was dosing off and I was about to fall asleep at any moment. 

My mind was wandering onto this topic and that, when suddenly I was no longer paying attention to the thoughts, but rather, I effectively fell asleep for about 2 seconds. Suddenly, I came back into awareness and since such a short time had elapsed, I was able to recall the last thought that had passed through my mind.

I repeated it in my mind and realized that I was not the one who thought it!

I said to myself, "That thought did not come from me at all, it came from somewhere else, I was asleep at that time."

It was in that moment that I experienced the feeling of separation between who I am and what I am thinking.  I realized that I am not my thoughts; I am the observer of them, the experiencer, the listener.

I felt it at an internal level for just a split second.   The thoughts that manifest inside my awareness are simply thoughts, they are not me. 

I am defined not by what thoughts come into my awareness but by what thoughts I consciously hold onto and act upon.

Having jealous thoughts does not make a person jealous, being jealous makes a person jealous.  The person defines themselves by their conscious action, not random thoughts.  

Likewise, a person who reads a lot about running a business isn't a businessman; the real businessman is the guy out there cold calling, dealing with customers and creating new products.  

It sounds so obvious yet this is a huge disconnect in our society, we identify and define ourselves by our thoughts rather than our action.  Why is this?

I believe much of it has to do with the education system.  In school we are taught to get good grades through reading (about others thoughts and experiences) and analyzing them (thinking about them), then writing a report (summarizing our thoughts). 

Very little actual action is taken on our part yet we are positively or negatively reinforced for our thoughts, our ego rather than our character.  This is probably the reason many graduates have trouble adjusting to the real world.

Imagine that you are visiting a foreign country and you can't speak the language so you bring a translator along with you.  The only way you can communicate with anyone is through your translator and he has a tendancy to add his own opinion and ideas into what he is translating.  

Since you don't know the language, it's hard to tell when he said something you didn't.  Eventually, if you make the effort, you can pick up when the translator is adding in his words through your gut feeling.  

You also find out that everyone else has a translator as well and sometimes your translator gets into a fight with theirs and you end up at odds with the other person.

So you decide to bypass both translators and communicate with others directly through your body language, facial expressions, and actions.  The other person is soooo grateful to feel such a strong connection, that you both experience joy and happiness like never before.

This angers the translator (since he is no longer needed), so he tries to scare you into believing that you will not survive without him, that he is you. 

You realize that he is not you but a servant of you.  You realize that when you return to your homeland you and him will go your separate ways for there will be no need for translation at home.

This is how the ego works, it tricks you into thinking you need it and that you are it, when all along, the ego is just a tool to help you in this physical world and you can let go of it as soon as you are accustomed to the world.

Lately I've been focusing on bypassing my translator, the ego, to reach the other person.  I've only made slight progress but the results have been very powerful. 

A great book that focuses a lot about the journey inward is The Peaceful Warrior by Dan Millman.  There is a powerful scene where Dan lets go of the ego and feels extreme fear and uncertainty without it yet pushes onward.

Another great way is utilizing the meditation exercises from Revive Your Sex Drive.

Daily meditations will allow you to bypass the ego more each time you do them, allowing your true inner being to communicate through you with others.