Now that you are a pro at using EFT to overcome fear , TAT to let go of traumatic memories, and the 7 Chakra's program to improve your inner game, let's take a look at the various stages of releasing negative emotions. 

Just as life, this is not an exact step-by-step process but more of a something to help and guide you in your path. You will jump around from stage to stage at different times during your life.

1. Poor me stage

If you are in this stage you are filled with fears and insecurities but it is too much for you to face so you lay comfortably numb, accept it as a way of life and do nothing to change. “This is the way things are, I might as well accept them” is the unwavering mantra.

The majority of people are stuck in this stage. Most of the time they will lash out at anyone who tries to tell them about the prison they have enclosed themselves in. They will get emotional, defensive and even violent reactions if you TRY and explain to them that they are the prisoners and guards at the same time.

Everything to them is external; happiness and pain come from out there. They look outside of themselves for happiness and joy through jobs, cars, clothes, women and so on. “Once I get this, I will finally be able to be happy.”

Their pain comes from external sources as well, "my BOSS pisses me off so much” or “god doesn't love me”, or “SHE did that to ME.”

They take little or no response-ability in creating their world because they are stuck in the poor me victim mentality of the developmental stage of evolution.

Everything is on autopilot for these people. If someone is rude to them, they have an instant reaction of being pissed off and blaming the other person for how they feel as in "he made me mad.” There is no personal choice on how they react outside events. They go through life asleep at the wheel.

This is the stage that the majority of people stay and most will never get out of. It will take them several lifetimes of reincarnation for them to learn the Karmic lessons involved with being stuck in poor me mentality before they can move on to the next stage.

2. You know something is “wrong" and it is time to do something about it.

You have the guts to push through and face your fears. You are tired of living in fear and you are ready to do something about it.

This stage can often be the scariest stage to go through. At stage one you felt safe and protected playing the victim role because you could easily blame someone else for your doings.

Now that you are finally taking response-ability for shaping and creating your own reality, it scares the hell out of you because if you try and fail, you have only YOURSELF to blame.

3. Projection and Unsolicited advice

You are no longer on autopilot and are now aware of your 'problems'. This will cause you to see your problems in other people and to react negatively to other people because the world is your mirror. You point a finger at them because they remind you of the 'problems' that you have inside of yourself that you still judge.

Point a finger at the world and three will point right back at you.

A lot of people at this stage will try and help people who are stuck at stage one instead of realizing that the problem is internal. They want their problems to go away but like most people try to fix the outside, thinking it will take care of the problem on the inside.

“I am needy and I see you are needy. I will try and help you even if you didn't ask for it. I will try and convince myself that it is you that needs the help but really I'm trying to fix the mirror.”

4. The world is my mirror

After trying to help everyone see their problems, trying to convince them that you are right but being met with strong resistance, you begin to realize that you are projecting your OWN insecurities and fears onto them.

You begin to understand that you aren't trying to help your needy friend but trying to get rid of the neediness inside of you.

Its no longer "god his neediness is annoying." Its now, "I hate his neediness because it reminds me of my neediness, ohhh." It is an a-ha or satori moment when you realize that the world is merely a reflection of yourself.

5. Awareness

You become aware of your problems and notice how often the issue floats to the surface and how often you project it into the world. You are conscious and your problems are no longer on autopilot.

An important part is to not judge but rather take the observer role and watch your emotions and thoughts. Some people get scared and freak out when they become aware of how often the problem surfaces. They think “oh god, it's worst then I thought.”

They get so scared and judge their problems so much so, that they regress back to the first stage of fear and denial. They simply weren't ready to face the truth.

6. Compassion

After awareness is achieved, you no longer desire to hold onto your problems and now you are ready to let go.

You run the compassion formula and begin to ask “why did I create this situation? How did I invite this into my life?” and so on until you learn the lessons. 

[The compassion formula is part of the Girlfriend Training Program and for respect of Stephane's intellectual property, I won't mention the specifics here.  If you don't own the GTP yet that's ok, you may use TAT in it's place.]

If you are unable to cleanse and release and still feel angry, upset, emotional or whatever, it simple means that you haven't learned all the lessons involved. You can numb it down out of frustration of but it would only give you temporary relief and will resurface stronger.

You can try and avoid dealing with your problems but the universe will keep sending you a lesson over and over until you finally wake up. At first the universe sends you a soft little whisper in your ear that most of the time you will not hear or just ignore. But the universe is persistent and will keep sending the message. By the tenth time that you don't listen, the universe sends you something huge that knocks you on your ass like your girlfriend cheating on you, your boss firing you, going broke and so on.

There are times where you can't fully see all of the lessons involved in a situation right away. At this point, I suggest writing down what you were working on and just walk away from the problem for a couple of days. What happens is your mind will continue to work on the problem even if you aren't consciously thinking about it.

This is similar to what they teach in schools on how to take tests. They say if you are having trouble with problem one, leave it and come back to it once you have gone through the rest of the test. Your brain will find the solution and just needs time to work on it.

A very important part of compassion is “I accept full response-ability for creating my reality.” If you can't accept full response-ability for creating everything in the situation and play the victim role, you will be unable to have full compassion and learn all of the lessons.

I have a couple of guide lines or things I like to keep in mind when I am doing the compassion formula.

1) If anything bothers me, makes me angry, stings my ego or whatever-it's time to do compassion.

Many times we will just let things go and sweep them under the carpet instead of dealing with them.
Not with me. I get excited when something bothers me because it gives me an opportunity to learn and grow by doing the compassion formula.

2) If I am unable to accept full response-ability for creating my reality, which is essential for compassion, find out what you will lose and what you have to let go of by having compassion?

When you do the compassion formula there are things that you have to let go of that you might not want to part with. There are certain things that you gain from not accepting your role in creating your reality so you put up sort of a road block to prevent yourself from having compassion.

For example, my girlfriend overheard her mother talking badly about her when she was in the next room over and listened to the entire thing. I was running the compassion formula and asking her why she didn't just go into another room where she couldn't hear her mother talking badly about her. She was kind of 'stuck' so I asked her what she gains from NOT having compassion?

She was a bit confused but I explained to her that there are things that you get out of NOT having compassion. “You get to enjoy anger, revenge on your mother, self righteousness, poor me energy, drama, excitement and so on”.

She was resisting accepting full response-ability and put up a wall in order to not let go of these things these energies.

So if you find yourself 'stuck' stop and ask yourself “what do I have to let go of if I have compassion?”

3) Everyone's world is right

I only date bisexual women who will hunt for new girlfriends. I train women. I only do polarized relationships where I am dominate and the women is submissive. I don't clean dishes ever. I just get up and walk away when I am done eating.

This is the way that I live my life and I believe that there is nothing wrong with it - My world is right. Other people may disagree and think that the way I live is wrong but I know my world is RIGHT.

In order to have compassion, you must first understand them. In order to understand someone you must assume that the way they live their life is right.

What prevents most people from understanding and completely seeing where the other person is coming from is them imposing their own judgments and views onto the other person. They project what they would do and how they would act and what is right or wrong onto the other person.

This is why religious people can't have true compassion. The second that they try and understand a drug addict, rapist, whore or anyone they judge them so much and project their views onto other people.  They don't even come close to touching compassion.

Assume that a rapist, killer, whore, drug addict or anyones world is right in the way that they do things. Know that the behaviors that they have, the thoughts they think and the beliefs they hold are right for them, otherwise they wouldn't be doing it.

7. Prescribing the symptom

So you have run the compassion formula but still the problem lingers. At this point it is smart to prescribe the symptom.

Everything is energy and we play with certain energies to learn deeper lessons, even if they are dark energies.

To prescribe the symptom you take your problem and actively, purposefully, do the problem, fully engage in the problem.

If you have a problem with neediness, you actively become needy in order to learn the lessons. You don't fight being needy or deny that part of you, you simply bring full awareness into being needy.

This works extremely well for releasing the stuck energies like neediness, anger, sadness and so on because you are no longer repressing the emotions that you feel, which allows them to flow through you. Repression is a sin.

Continue to prescribe the symptom until it is no longer serves you.

8. Cleansing

When you run the compassion formula and you have learned ALL of the lessons involved, you almost instantly release the anger, guilt, shame or whatever fear based emotion that you were feeling at the time.

But there are still energtic 'junk' that is stuck inside of you that is clogging up your chakras. When we get yelled at, energy vamped, cheated on, lied to, feel anger and so on, these emotions get absorbed into us like a sponge. Its like emotional residue that needs to be cleaned out through scooping and bubbling the bad emotions, situations, experiences.

Most people skip over this part because they don't understand how much stuck energy has an affect them. When you don't shower for a while you can tell that you are dirty since you can clearly see the dirt. Though with bad experiences, energy vamping, anger, depression and so on, you can't see visibly see it yet it's definitely there.

Here is a real quick, simple cleansing technique:

Imagine yourself meditating by a river in a very calm relaxed manner. Take the 'bad' experiences, stress, guilt or any other unwanted fear based emotions or experiences and scoop them out by imagining etheric white hands going into your solar plexus and then sending it down a river. Imagine the river as white light that dissolves anything.

When you are doing this, a lot of other experiences will float to surface that you haven't thought of in years such as repressed memories. Just continue to scoop those memories out and send them down the river.

9. Surfacing

When you do the master cleanse and clear out all the "bad" foods that you have eaten over the years, you will have an incredible, intense desire for these junk foods. All of the bad foods are coming to the surface and you crave it big time. This is the same with clearing out stuck, negative energy and emotions.

As you release certain stuck energies, the pain that has been numbed down in the past rises to the surface and you experience it as intensely or stronger than when it first happened. You will feel as depressed, as angry, as sad as you initially did. These will result in very dark nights of the soul.

If you fight your emotions and thoughts it will only serve to make them stronger. At which point the emotions will become too much for you to handle and it will force you to numb them down and start all over again.

Instead of saying "I hate feeling depressed for no reason," feel it fully. It will pass through you quicker if you don't fight it and allow it to be just like when you are prescribing the symptom.

Become the observer and watch this whole process go down inside of you. Watch your emotions go crazy and simply observe.

The meditator's life is one of a schizophrenic going from periods of Zen, nothing can touch me to feeling depressed, needy, scared. It is truly beautiful life to life and a chaotic one as well.

10. Release

You finally let go of of your fear based emotions and feel thirty pounds lighter.

Final Stage: Repeat

Then you get to repeat the process all over and peel another layer off. Know that one layer peeled back will lead to another layer that is wanting to be released. You will repeat the process many many times because there is tons of stuck energy and repressed emotions dwelling beneath the surface just waiting to let go.

[Alex is a friend of mine from the Ideagasms forum where he posts his latest realizations and lessons about relationships and spirituality.]

[Like this article? Subscribe to The Yang Man Newsletter and receive a free copy of Revive Your Sex Drive]

Stumble it!

Post Feed | Trackback |

3 Responses to “The 10 Stages of Releasing Fear”

1. Mindfulness Says:
   November 28th, 2007 at 11:48 am

   Become the observer is indeed a key to releasing fear.
   I found that when I become fearful, I tend to close up internally. It is like the world narrows down to only the fear. I cannot even see what it does to me any more. But when you try to just look at it, and see it for what it is, try to have a real interest in the symptoms, the fear becomes much much less.
   I’m not at stage 10 I guess

2. Ryan Says:
   December 1st, 2007 at 5:09 pm

   I agree. When I’ve embraced the fear instead of resisting it, it’s much less powerful.

3. Mark Says:
   July 17th, 2008 at 12:28 pm

   I found out my girlfriend was cheating on me with that site http://www.aretheyfaithful.com
   Was hard knowing how she really was, but I guess it was for the better.