Often times I hear guys say,"I want to work on my skills with women but for now I'm going to focus on my job (or school, or whatever)." For a while, I thought the exact same thing, "How can I expect to have a relationship, or date many different women, if I don't have the rest of my life handled?"
Although there is some truth to that, I believe that most guys take this idea too far. They think that because they are focusing on their work, they should completely write off everything else, including their love life.
This type of thinking stems from the underlying belief that success with women is a precise skill to learn which requires a lot of time and the benefits of which will not carry over to other parts of your life. Usually this belief is formed because the guy is too focused on lower level skills, such as what to say, what to wear, how to stand; all the techniques.
If you focus on all these lower levels, then you are indeed correct that you will have to devote a lot of time to learning skills that will not transfer over to other areas of your life. If you learn routines like The Cube (a fun psychological game to play with a woman you just meet), you aren't likely going to be using it when you make your breakthrough business proposal.
So what do you do if you find yourself wanting to learn multiple skills but only have enough time to focus on one? Go up a level. For example, instead of having to choose between learning pick up routines or sales tactics for your business, make your focus on clearing your mental chatter and becoming fully present.
This skill transfers over to both. By being fully aware while in a social setting like a bar or a club, you won't fall victim to anxiety or fears that pop up and will come off so much stronger when you talk to women. By being fully aware at your job, you can take a step back and observe how clients find your company, what they really want behind their words, then improve your company's offering to them.
Of course, you may still need to learn some specific sales tactics and it's useful to have a few default routines under your belt. Though your main focus should be on the higher levels if you want to make your learning time more efficient.
For myself, I have put my main focus on energy. Improving my relationship with my physical energy to improve my health, my emotional energy to improve my happiness, my financial energy to welcome more abundance, and my relationship energy to charge my interactions with excitement. It's all pretty much the same thing when you get to a higher level.
Other high levels that I plan on focusing on include fine-tuning my manifestation ability, improving my learning ability, living my life's purpose and so on.
If you find yourself with an "either or" mentality, it also probably means that the ego is running the show, since the ego thrives on duality and limitations. It's like what T. Harv Eker in The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind:
"What’s more important, your arm or your leg? Maybe they’re both important."
'Either or' thinking stems from a scarcity mentality.
"Do you want a successful career or a close relationship with your family? Both! Do you want to focus on business or have fun and play? Both! Do you want money or meaning in your life? Both! Do you want to earn a fortune or do the work you love? Both! Poor people always choose one, rich people choose both.
Rich people understand that with a little creativity you can almost always figure out a way to have the best of both worlds. From now on, when confronted with an either/or alternative, the quintessential question to ask yourself is “How can I have both?” This question will change your life. It will take you from a model of scarcity and limitation to a universe of possibilities and abundance."
So ask yourself, "How can I have both?"