Latest Post: Why Your Fear of the Feminine (and of Being Gay) is Severely Holding You Back with Women

Should I Focus on Work or Success with Women?

December 15th, 2007 by Ryan

Often times I hear guys say,"I want to work on my skills with women but for now I'm going to focus on my job (or school, or whatever)."  For a while, I thought the exact same thing, "How can I expect to have a relationship, or date many different women, if I don't have the rest of my life handled?" 

Should I focus on work or womenAlthough there is some truth to that, I believe that most guys take this idea too far.  They think that because they are focusing on their work, they should completely write off everything else, including their love life.  

This type of thinking stems from the underlying belief that success with women is a precise skill to learn which requires a lot of time and the benefits of which will not carry over to other parts of your life. Usually this belief is formed because the guy is too focused on lower level skills, such as what to say, what to wear, how to stand; all the techniques.  

If you focus on all these lower levels, then you are indeed correct that you will have to devote a lot of time to learning skills that will not transfer over to other areas of your life.  If you learn routines like The Cube (a fun psychological game to play with a woman you just meet), you aren't likely going to be using it when you make your breakthrough business proposal.

So what do you do if you find yourself wanting to learn multiple skills but only have enough time to focus on one?  Go up a level.  For example, instead of having to choose between learning pick up routines or sales tactics for your business, make your focus on clearing your mental chatter and becoming fully present. 

This skill transfers over to both.  By being fully aware while in a social setting like a bar or a club, you won't fall victim to anxiety or fears that pop up and will come off so much stronger when you talk to women.  By being fully aware at your job, you can take a step back and observe how clients find your company, what they really want behind their words, then improve your company's offering to them. 

Of course, you may still need to learn some specific sales tactics and it's useful to have a few default routines under your belt.  Though your main focus should be on the higher levels if you want to make your learning time more efficient.

For myself, I have put my main focus on energy.  Improving my relationship with my physical energy to improve my health, my emotional energy to improve my happiness, my financial energy to welcome more abundance, and my relationship energy to charge my interactions with excitement.  It's all pretty much the same thing when you get to a higher level.  

Other high levels that I plan on focusing on include fine-tuning my manifestation ability, improving my learning ability, living my life's purpose and so on.

If you find yourself with an "either or" mentality, it also probably means that the ego is running the show, since the ego thrives on duality and limitations.  It's like what T. Harv Eker in The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind:

"What’s more important, your arm or your leg? Maybe they’re both important."

'Either or' thinking stems from a scarcity mentality.

"Do you want a successful career or a close relationship with your family? Both! Do you want to focus on business or have fun and play? Both! Do you want money or meaning in your life? Both! Do you want to earn a fortune or do the work you love? Both! Poor people always choose one, rich people choose both.

Rich people understand that with a little creativity you can almost always figure out a way to have the best of both worlds. From now on, when confronted with an either/or alternative, the quintessential question to ask yourself is “How can I have both?” This question will change your life. It will take you from a model of scarcity and limitation to a universe of possibilities and abundance."

So ask yourself, "How can I have both?" 

If you enjoyed this post, make sure you subscribe to my RSS feed!

Stumble it!

37 Responses to “Should I Focus on Work or Success with Women?”

  1. Stupid Bum » Should I Focus on Work or Success with Women? Says:

    […] Check This Out! While looking through the blogosphere we stumbled on an interesting post today. Here’s a quick excerpt: Both! Poor people always choose one, rich people choose both. Rich people understand that with a little creativity you can almost always figure out a way to have the best of both worlds. From now on, when confronted with an either/or … […]

  2. Should I Focus on Work or Success with Women? - Dating, Pickup, Seduction Says:

    […] Should I Focus on Work or Success with Women? Submitted by PUA NextLevelUp, 6 seconds ago ( […]

  3. Tuplad Says:

    I can have it all πŸ˜€

  4. Evan Hadkins Says:

    I think vulnerability is important – especially in romantic relationships.

  5. Alex Kay Says:

    Hey Ryan,
    Great post!

    I definately agree – always strive for more. Keep them coming πŸ™‚

  6. referate Says:

    I think success in women do follow if your successful with your work. I could remember that a lot of women likes men who are financially secured so it is really important that men is successful in his work. Women just come if men have too much success in life and work.

  7. Adrian Says:

    There is a saying – A man who fallows two rabbits, catches none… This post goes against it… Though I definitely would love to believe in this post.

  8. carlos Says:

    not so easy to focus on both , can you right more about it?

  9. Ryan Says:

    Tuplad, yeaaah buddy!
    Evan, that’s true, don’t quite understand how it relates to this topic though appreciate the input.

    Alex, thanks man.

    Referate, women do like men that have money but often guys mistake this to mean that women like money. If you ask the question most women ask, “what does that mean”, you will see that most women conclude that being wealthy means a guy has that part of his life handled so he probably has most others parts of his life handled as well.

    You don’t need to be wealthy to attract women, you can be a total bum but if you are living your purpose and constantly improving your life, and are a fun loving guy, women will respond to you.

    Adrian, you bring up a very good point. That is something I’ve struggled with for years; chasing 2 rabbits. The point in this post is, instead of chasing a rabbit that will feed you for one meal, why not chase a buffalo that will feed you for a week, has fur that will keep you warm, and bones to make tools from (assuming it would take the same amount of time).

    You can take this same example and apply it to areas such as work and women. A good example of this is seen in the seduction community. A guy can spend 30 minutes learning openers, routines, etc and have some results. Or he could spend 30 minutes on a higher level and learn different frames to hold, and beliefs. Or he could go up another level and spend 30 minutes doing chakra meditations .

    The higher level you go up, the more universal the skills become. For example, David Deangelo’s mastery program is almost like a self-improvement program since the skills can be applied to so many areas of a persons life.

    This is the reason I focus so much on stephane’s materials, since he is the guru that focuses on the highest levels out of anyone I have found. The only problem is that it often takes a bit more time for the results to show compared with lower level stuff. Hope that helps explain it better.

  10. Adrian Says:

    Thannx Ryan…

    But you see, the buffalo example is chasing ONE but bigger and better “rabbit”, which has more use . So this communicates to me that we should focus on big things rather than small stuff … πŸ™‚

  11. Ryan Says:

    Well said, though I would emphasize better or bigger. The question to always ask yourself is, “what is the core issue behind this challenge?”, then go to work on that. The closer to the core you get, the more areas of your life will benefit by improving it.

  12. Technology Slice Says:

    I think you should focus on women.

  13. Adrian Says:

    Good point Ryan.. thanx

  14. Bart Says:

    Solid post. I think Ryan’s last comment is particularly excellent.

    To perhaps make it a tad clearer:

    The pursuit of getting your life handled and getting better with women can both rooted in the same idea, strengthening the core elements of the masculine.

    Success with women and having your life handled flow from a well developed masculine core.

    I’d refer to holistic or organic approach (I even wrote a lengthy article about it called organic pua a while back).

    Good stuff.

  15. gale Says:

    success in work will probably lead to success with women, whereas success with women is a lot less likely to affect one’s work. great writing here, especially about the either-or fallacy. keep it up ryan!

  16. Ryan Says:

    Bart that’s a great way to explain it. You have a link to that article?

    Thanks gale, though I do think that success with women can lead to ones work IF it is at a high enough level. Cheers.

  17. BartB Says:

    Sure – it’s I’d love your comments on it.

  18. Tom Says:

    Hi Ryan, this is a terrific article on a topic that I’ve only been able to discuss with my closest friends. Glad someone other people are thinking the same things as well. It’s nice to be able to have these discussions on the net, without getting fired or slapped for telling it like it is :)!

  19. Ryan Says:

    Hey Tom, I agree. Most of the stuff on here I don’t talk about with my friends since they just aren’t into personal development and spirituality. It’s great to have people to talk to here and on the ideagasms forum ( You’s my people!

  20. D-Structor Says:

    Whoa, nice one Bart

  21. job Says:

    I believe we all must have some kind of balance between the two..

  22. avg virus protection Says:

    well..i tend to agree that if we go up a level from the tactical skill of work-skills and women-skills, we will probably find a higher order skill such as “clearing up the mental chatter” or higher self esteem…focusing on such higher order skills/behavior will have the highest payoff.

  23. Tom Says:

    Wow.. What a great topic!.. i’m definately coming back for more

  24. Dr Saxe Says:

    First off I have to tell you what an awesome site you have, it really caught my attention when I come upon it, due to a buddy’s recommendation for me to check out. Not only are the graphics brilliantly done but it’s easy to move around and locate what you are looking for, with ease. And I have enjoyed the last hour that I have spent reading over the content and comments and found some very enlightening, this site is being bookmarked – something that I normally do not do very often, but I am truly impressed and will pass it along to others to view and enjoy.
    As far as issue at hand concerning women and work, it truly is a balancing act – just as life has dished out numerous challenges for us to adjust to.
    Dr Saxe

    Dr Saxes last blog, a new kind of white pages for find people

  25. Success Says:

    Thanks for the informative post.. and thanks for adding our comment to the blog. I am subscribing to your feed so I don’t miss the next post!

  26. Ryan Says:

    Avg, yeah exactly.
    Dr Saxes, thanks I appreciate the kind words about the site. Very cool to hear that the layout and design are working here and the content is interesting to read for an hour too πŸ˜‰

    Success, thanks, sounds good mate.

  27. Acakadut Says:

    go get both of them πŸ™‚

    it’s not that hard actually, you just need to take it seriously … but not “that seriously” … you know what I mean πŸ˜‰

    Acakaduts last blog post..GlobalSpellChecker 1.1

  28. Ryan Says:

    Hah, yeah you want to be devoted but not attached. Your emotion will tell you the difference.

  29. Dstructor Says:

    @ Ryan:…Perfectly said, lol exactly what i was thinking. Thanks πŸ™‚

  30. Seshaya Says:

    Great article-One of the most interesting things I have read recently, and by far the most useful!

  31. Guy Says:

    I like the idea of un-attachment, its just so hard to remain detached in romantic relationships… I think it comes about by taking a deep look at yourself and realizing that you are already whole and complete as you are!

  32. Guy Says:

    What I mean to say is, once you realize that you don’t need anything or anyone to be what you already are, you will no longer feel the need to chase after things to ‘fill the hole’ inside, so to speak

  33. Marisela Burnie Says:

    Great site i like it

  34. Tami Sours Says:

    Hi, I must say this is a good article. Party ideas…. Good Luck:)

  35. Cindy Jeronimo Says:

    Prioritization is very important in this kind of situation. You can do this at the same time as long as you know how to manage your time well.

  36. Daniel Says:

    I think taking a detour and spending some time focusing on women is something every guy should do at some point in his life…

    People obsess too much about work. A good career is fulfilling but its not the only thing.

  37. Social Expression Says:

    Self-acceptance is the way, and learning to accept yourself as a sexual man and not being afraid to project that is also key. I totally agree learning to be in the moment with people and also women you connect with.

    I’m speaking at a high level here, but without total self-acceptance there is not true happiness with anything in life, especially with women no matter if you have a serious girlfriend, or dating several.

Leave a Reply