If you're reading this article, then you are probably someone who wants to make your life better by empowering yourself and those close to you through teaching, sharing knowledge, and evolving personally.  

So how do you empower someone?  If you have learned something that is of great benefit to yourself and others, how do you teach it to another person?  

Surely you tell them how much better their life would be with this new knowledge.  Surely you explain exactly what they should do and exactly how they should do it. 

A good teacher is one who explains every step in detail and instructs their student each step along the way….right?

In my experience of learning, teaching, and sharing knowledge, I have found something very counter-intuitive going on in these situations. 

Many times when I had tried to share my most powerful knowledge with others, I was met with resistance. 

Many times when I explained the precise instructions for others to follow, they either resisted my teaching or became dependent on me for guidance. 

I came to realize there is a critical element that many of us are unaware of…

Integrity.

What is integrity?  Better yet, what role does it play in regards to teaching and empowering others?

Integrity is defined as:

1. The quality or state of being complete or undivided; being whole.
2. Steadfast adherence to a code of moral or ethical values, incorruptibility.

I define integrity as: 

The state of being connected to source energy in such a way that one's thoughts, words, and actions are aligned as one.

So let me ask you, if a knowledgeable teacher instructs you to do something "for your own good" yet your gut tells you not to do it, what is the integritous thing to do?    

If you have a thought or feeling, yet you act according to someone else's opposing thought or feeling, are you not out of integrity?

True integrity means you act in accordance with what you are thinking and feeling, and you speak or write in accordance with what you are thinking and feeling. 

We become out of integrity when we quiet ourselves from speaking our truth or when we restrain ourselves from taking the action that we long to take. 

Usually this is done out of fear.  Fear that others will no longer accept us if we take the action we really want to take, fear that we will lose something if we speak what is really on our mind.  So instead, we speak what we think others want to hear or act to what others expect of us.

As teachers, we experience the opposite side of this coin.  When we give advice, we may be robbing the other person of the greatest opportunity for power available to them… 

The power of decision.

True power comes at the moment of decision.  For when a person makes a decision, they are lining up their thoughts, feelings, words, and actions.

They are stepping into integrity.

We often share our knowledge with someone (our thoughts and feelings) and then recommend that they take a specific action.  The other person may or may not have enough information to align their own thoughts and feelings to that action. 

If they do not have enough information, they will resist taking the action.  Why?  Because if they take action based on your thoughts and your feelings, they have stepped out of their integrity.

Aren't the most powerful teachers the ones who do least to convince others of their wisdom?

Instead they teach with riddles or questions; anything to provoke thought within the student.  For the power for true change occurs when the student makes a decision, that moment of inner realization; not when he takes a specific action. 

The power is in the decision to act, not the action itself. 

The decision is the lining up of integrity which builds the foundation for power and fuels the energy that is needed to carry out that action.

There is an appropriate time for specific and direct action plans.  It is when the student has already made a decision to learn.  

Have you ever noticed that over-bearing parents seem to have children who have trouble owning their own strength and making decisions? 

Think of the classic example of a parent pushing their child to go to a certain college.  If power came from action alone, then going to the right college would empower their child.    Yet it doesn't; it comes from entrusting others with the decision. 

Decisions build power.

Wouldn't it be better if that parent provided the support for their child going to that college by giving them some articles about the school's expertise, getting them in touch with relatives or alumni who went there, or otherwise focusing on the good aspects of it and then left it up to their child?

The power is in the decision because, in the decision, one takes responsibility for their actions and learns to create self-trust (which is the foundation for power). 

You may have noticed this approach on this blog in the way I write.  I ask many questions and propose many thought provoking ideas, yet rarely give direct instructions.  At the most, I offer suggestions or examples of what I have done.  

This is because I do not want to make decisions for you.  I want to offer you the conclusions I have reached along with some background knowledge so that you have the opportunity to make a decision for yourself.

In the Yang Town products, I am slightly more direct and action oriented since there is a subtle agreement that has taken place.  For example, in Revive Your Sex Drive, if you are downloading it, then you are already making a decision to improve your sex drive.  Since this decision has fueled you to take the action necessary to download it, I will offer more direct suggestions so that you can use that energy to revive your sex drive.  

If, on the other hand, I was mass emailing people saying "read this book, it will revive your sex drive", then I would be robbing them (to some extent) of the opportunity to decide to improve their sex drive on their own.  There would be less energy invested on their part because they did not make a decision and the book itself would be far less empowering.

So in this respect, we empower others by building the support for them to make a decision. 

We offer them the knowledge that has served us and allow the essence of who we are to serve as an example to inspire them….then, we let go.   

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Ego. 

That part of the human mind that many see as the cause of fear, addictions, crime, disease, wars, and pretty much all types of suffering in the world.  

What exactly is this "Ego" that so many spiritual gurus talk about? 

Why do so many regard it in such a negative light?

Better yet, if it is so bad, how do we transcend it?

My current understanding of ego goes like this:

Everything that exists in this world is made up of energy.  Even Einsteins formula, e=mc squared shows that energy is all there is. 

So if you imagine this universal energy like light shooting out in all directions to brighten up a whole room, we as individuals are like highly focused beams of light brightening up a small area (think of a laser pointer) .

We have some degree of control over the focus too.  When we are very "mind-identified", we are looking out for our own survival and possibly even at the cost of other's well-being.  We see ourselves as individuals separate from each other and from life, meaning our laser beam is extremely highly focused. 

Ego is the thoughts that come through us that identify us as an individual.

As we connect to universal "source" energy, we begin to merge with all of existence, as if the laser beam is reducing its focus to become more general.  This often happens when we reach meditative states, are "in the zone", or achieve peak experiences in sports.

In these states, we are more ego-less; we are everything.  It's like the saying that athletes repeat while playing; "I am the ball."   

Creation seems to happen through an ebb and flow between the two states.  

People experience discomfort if they become too highly focused, too identified as individuals who are separate from source energy; too much in the ego. 

They forget that we are all of the same light, we are just focused in different directions, with different lenses.

So in this sense, our minds are tools for us to focus our energy and life experience in order to help create more effectively. 

In today's world, we live in the information age.  Many describe it as the "attention economy"; we are constantly exposed to large amounts of news, advertising, scientific discoveries, education and more through television, radio, and especially the internet.

In an effort to function with all this information, our minds filter things out for us.  They create meaning, save it to memory, and then move on to the next thing.  We can call this a "thought program".  If a similar situation arises again, the mind references the memory and then runs the old program to determine its meaning in order to save mental energy.  

For example, when you were a kid, one day you probably looked up at the sky in awe as a giant machine flew through the air with a loud noise.  You later found out that the machine was called an airplane and that it flew through the air with people inside.  Perhaps the next few times one flew by, you pointed and said "airplane."

Your mind began creating a program for an "airplane flying overhead" so that eventually you would hear the plane flying for a split second and then the program in your mind would run and you would filter out the whole experience so that it was almost completely out of your awareness.  This way, you would be able to focus on more important things like your homework or hanging out with friends. 

The problem that many of us have in today's world of information is that there are so many things we give our attention to, our entire life becomes a series of programs that run inside out mind. 

We no longer experience life, we only experience thought programs. 

This is why so many spiritual leader stress the Power of Now.  It is in the moment that you experience life.  It is in being present to the moment that you find your power, your happiness, and your connection to universal energy.  The present is all you have. 

The degree to which you are in the present moment is the degree to which you feel alive. 

So how can we tell if our life is becoming a series of thought programs that occur in our mind?

We will feel less connected to source energy. 

This will manifest itself as disease (especially cancer), depression, a lack of purpose, a general feeling of unhappiness, a view of the world as a scary or dark place, blame towards God or others, low self-esteem, a scarcity or win/lose mentality, constant judgment and criticism of self and others, constantly experiencing unpleasant people or events, and just about any other negative state of being you can think of.

Do you know why things become boring or routine?  It's because one has been doing the same things over and over until they are only experiencing programs and not the actual thing anymore. 

So what is the way out of it?

One way is through what's called A Course In Miracles.  The course itself, contains three parts: The Text, The Workbook, and the Teacher's Manual.  

The part that I recommend is the workbook.  It has been highly recommended by David Hawkins and many others as the path to healing addictions, physical disease, and many other mental and emotional disorders. 

The workbook is not a typical book that explains concepts for you to understand.  It is a series of 365 short lessons that walk you through mental processes that will help you come to sudden realizations to transcend the ego. 

It doesn't give you the answers directly as much as lead you down a path so that you can realize the answers yourself.  

It's sort of like Zen koans:

For centuries, secret doctrines of Zen learning have been transmitted from master to disciple in the form of seemingly absurd riddles called koans. Intense meditation upon these is said to lead to enlightenment.

Zen, of which the koan exercise is a tool, is a Japanese sect of Buddhism, which in spite of having masters and monasteries believes paradoxically that nothing can be taught. 

The logical mind is considered to be the greatest stumbling block on the way to satori (enlightenment or a sudden a-ha), as is evident from this koan: A monk was asked to discard everything. "But I have nothing," he exclaimed. "Discard that too!" ordered his master.

The workbook contains a lesson a day for a full year.  Each lesson requires only a minute or two to read and that you do few simple mental exercises.

It is recommended that you read an introduction to prepare you for the workbook course.  David Hawkins recommend to not use the Course in Miracles Text as the introduction as he says it views ego in a slightly negative light. 

If you are new to spiritual concepts such as the ego, then you will probably want to read something like The Peaceful Warrior, The Power of Now, or A New Earth to get a good foundation before you begin.  

The reason is because when we start, the ego may convince you that "I don't need to do this exercise" or "this course seems too weird" or some other rationalization that will stop your progress.  

Also, be aware that this course uses common religious terms such as God, Christ, and Salvation.  I can understand if you have some resistance to those terms and religion in general.  This course is aimed at conveying universal spiritual truths to those who are familiar with the Christian Religion.

So if you have yet to make peace with those words, I suggest that you perform TAT on any negative past experiences with religion, parents, authorities, or beliefs that still bother you.  For instance, you can simply hold the TAT pose and say the word "God."  Then do it again for "Jesus", "Christianity", etc until they no longer give you a negative emotional charge.

To begin the course, simply enter your name and email address at the bottom of this post and you will receive a lesson a day for the next year.  The email system I use sends them out at intervals that are roughly 1 day apart with a day break before every 10th lesson (in case you fall behind).

If you have already started the course, simply choose the lesson you want to start on and you will begin there. (You can also view each lesson via the website here).

I have only just started the course about a month ago but am having some profound realizations already.  Supposedly by lesson 80 or so you may experience sudden physical healings as well. 

Make sure you are committed to undertake this and willing to face your ego.  Best wishes on your journey and be sure to post any comments about your experiences below.

By the way, here is a video that gives you a good idea of the benefits people receive after taking the course.  It's taken from an upcoming documentary about the success of A Course In Miracles:

 

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Think back to the last argument you got in.  Do you remember what it was about? 

Perhaps you remember how aggravating it was trying to get your point across to the other person?

You might have said to yourself, "If only they would open their eyes and realize that they being ______" (insert negative personality trait).

Relationships can be one of the most challenging and confusing parts of life.  It easy to get caught up in the moment and see only the other person's shortcomings. 

If you've read my article on How to Give Advice to Others, you'll remember how energy plays a big role in arguments. 

The energy you are sending out is more important than the actual words you use.  

Often times arguments are the result of stress, which means at least one person starts off the discussion in a negative emotional state (they are angry, worried, resentful, etc). 

Since most people are reactive, they will try to protect themselves from this negative energy by becoming defensive and eventually go on the offense, leading to a long drawn out fight.

It takes a rare person to step back, and not only have compassion for the other person, but appreciate their unique goodness in that moment as well.

How can we do that?

Well before we get to that, let's do an exercise in awareness.  This one is extremely powerful so be sure to only read on if you can do the exercise, otherwise reading how it works without doing it can spoil its power. 

An Exercise In Awareness
(from David Deangelo's Mastery Program)

Step 1) Write down the names of 3 people you admire or respect (they can be from history or from your own personal life, whatever).

Step 2) Write down 3 qualities in them that you admire or respect.

Step 3) Write down the names of 3 people you disrespect or even hate.

Step 4) Write down 3 qualities in them that you disrespect and hate.

… 

Don't continue reading until you have these down.

Ok got it?

I'm going to suggest that the three qualities in each person that you admire or respect are all aspects of yourself that are actually your strengths that you don't acknowledge enough, lead with enough, or develop enough. 

They are projections of your underdeveloped strengths.

You already have these strengths and you can see how powerful they are but you project them onto others.  You aspire to be like these people in some way and don't realize that you have the same seeds of greatness within you; you just have to develop them more.

I'm also going to suggest that the three qualities in each person that you disrespect or hate are all aspects of yourself that are actually your current weaknesses that you don't acknowledge, come to grips with, or accept in yourself.

They are projections of your rejected strengths. (Aka, your shadow).

They are actually strengths that you are viewing in a negative light, which then causes you to reject them completely in yourself and in others. 

For example, when I did this exercise, I chose one of my personal mentors as someone  I admired because he is a great leader, is very confident, and has a powerful presence.  I realized that these were all aspects of myself that were I just needed to develop and work on.

As for someone who I disrespected, I chose Fidel Castro because I viewed him as a manipulative, lying, dictator who mistreated the Cuban people. 

What I discovered was that these were all strengths within myself that I had been rejecting because I only viewed the negative side of them.  They are all positives that are taken to an extreme; they are good traits that have become unbalanced.

When rapport, charisma, and leadership become unbalanced and are taken to an extreme, they can become manipulation, lies, and control as is the case with Fidel Castro.  If you take any characteristic too far, it becomes its opposite. 

All negative traits are simply good traits that have gone out of balance.

Bravery taken too far becomes bravado; affection taken too far can become neediness; self-improvement taken too far can become self-criticism.

When one rejects the negative side of any trait, they also unknowingly reject the positive side of it too. 

So how does this play into conflict in relationships, especially in the midst of arguments?

When we get caught up in the moment and see only the other person's negative qualities, we are really seeing parts of ourself that we have rejected. 

The world is our mirror.

Instead of focusing on the negative trait, ask yourself "what is the good side of this trait?"

A worrisome parent becomes a loving parent that is unbalanced.  A lying salesmen becomes a charismatic salesmen who is unbalanced.  A nagging girlfriend becomes an affectionate girlfriend who is unbalanced. 

Now instead of resisting their negative quality, you are appreciating their good quality that just got out of whack at the moment. 

So you may ask, "How do I balance them out?"  

That's not really your job, that's theirs (unless they ask you for help).  Though what you can do is stay balanced yourself, since it usually helps them to come back into balance. 

What most people do when an unbalanced person cuts them off on the road or calls them up screaming, is they react by becoming unbalanced themselves.  

It's just like Cesar Milan in the show The Dog Wispherer.  He says that in order to train a dog to be calm, you must first be calm. 

Lead by example.

So how do we stay balanced in these kinds of situations? 

Compassion.

Compassion for others comes from self-acceptance.  When one accepts all of their own imperfections, they automatically accept those imperfections in others. 

This is why self acceptance is so crucial; it allows you to not only have better relationships with others, it also unlocks many hidden powers that you have been rejecting.

For example, for many years I dedicated much of my life to improving myself.  I wanted to cultivate business skills, workout my body, develop charisma, all so I could get closer to becoming this ideal self image that I had created in my mind.

As I moved along with my self improvement, every now and then a small imperfection would surface and I would brush it away as fast as possible.  It was like a shadow that followed me no matter where I went and the faster I ran the faster it followed me.

After a while of repressing this imperfection, this human part of myself, it started to overpower me.  One time when I was in college, I had to get up to give a presentation to the class.  I had done this many times and was getting very good at it.  This time though my throat tightened up and I couldn't speak. 

It was to such a great degree I physically could not speak, my voice was nearly totally blocked.  I had to leave the room to get some water and wait a few minutes before continuing.  I didn't feel nervous or anxious and I didn't understand why this happened.

The presence of this shadow led me to have extreme difficulties with some of my close friends.  I was so motivated to improve myself and I rejected my imperfection so much, that I would often get into disagreements with my friends.  

They weren't very motivated to change themselves, so when we got in disagreements I would focus on their negative traits.  I would say "Can't he see that he is being ___ (wasteful with money, manipulative with others, and so on)."

I saw their self-acceptance as laziness and they saw my strive for self improvement as being a naive follower.  We both projected our shadow onto the other person and then rejected them for displaying that trait that we were running from.

It was not until I worked on myself doing many self acceptance meditations (which can be found in Revive Your Sex Drive eBook along with a tuning fork audio), internalizing the chakra frames, and working with my energy healer, that I was able to come to grips with my own imperfections.  I finally accepted myself in that moment and released years self rejection.

The result has been incredible.  Now that I have integrated those aspects of myself that I had always rejected, that inherent humanness and imperfection, I can now dramatically improve my relationships with others.

I no longer get upset with others when they "aren't perfect" because I accept that part of myself.  When others are fearful, angry, or anxious, it doesn't bother me much.  I understand how they feel because I've been there. 

Having integrated those parts of myself, I can begin to transcend them.

Of course, there are still a few shadows that I may have but most of them are ok with me now. 

If you have a healer or chakra teacher that you work with, they can help you on this journey to self acceptance as well. 

Of course, the easiest way is to simply sit in a quiet room, place your hands over you heart, and repeat "I accept myself just the way I am, even though I'm not perfect."

That's it.

Do it once or twice a day and you will begin to peel away the layers towards compassion.

So remember, the next time you get into a heated discussion, ask yourself:

"What part of this person do I dislike in this moment?" and then,

"What part of myself is being reflected back to me?" and lastly,

"Am I willing to accept this person exactly as they are?" 

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