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Q & A Volume II: Finding Peace in a Painful Truth, Feeling Energy, and Letting Go of PickUp

Tuesday, January 27th, 2009

Is it possible to find peace in the midst of sadness? 

Is there a practical exercise to sense subtle energy?

Where does pickup and seduction fit in with our spiritual path?

These are some of the questions featured in Volume II of the Question and Answer Series.  Check out Volume I: Humility vs Confidence, Finding Your Mission, and Saying Hi to Women in case you missed it and feel free to submit any questions of your own in the comments section.   Thanks and enjoy.

Finding Peace in truthI have heard that truth always brings joy, yet sometimes it feels like the truth hurts more than a lie would.  Are there times when life is simply painful, like in the case of a loss of a loved one?  How can we make peace with this apparent painful truth?

On one level, I can understand how sadness can seem to come from outside events.  Emotions, whether they are unpleasant or pleasant, are constantly passing through us and that's ok. 

It's totally natural to experience chaotic emotions at times. 

I think it really comes down to our ability to allow life to happen (rather than resist it) that determines whether we bounce back or suffer for long periods of time. 

We often beat ourselves up for having feelings, and that is where some of the deeper pain comes in.

In our humanness, we create energetic bonds with others and when those bonds are broken, our entire emotional system undergoes a change.  Crying, for example, is one way that our system clears this energetic charge.

However, if our mind takes over and begins to resists reality, we can fall into depression where we relive traumatic memories over and over again.  

In cases like these, it may be useful to do Self-Inquiry (which is a process of questioning stressful thoughts and meanings, since these are the source of the real suffering).

Let's do some together…

Truth can bring sadness.

Is that true?

Sit with this one for a moment if you like. 

What I've discovered is that it's not possible.  What happens is always for good, the only question is whether I can see the good or not.

I've often discovered that the only way to feel sadness is to believe sad thoughts. To believe a story that the mind is telling.

If someone dies, one doesn’t immediately (in that exact moment) feel sad. One first hears about it, then the mind brings up a story (a collection of thoughts), and then that story determines what the event means and results in a feeling (a positive or negative feeling).

The only way to have anything other than peace is to believe thoughts that aren't true.

And what's true is what is happening; reality.

Remember, it’s not the event that is causing us pain, it’s what we believe that events means that is painful or joyful (ie, it's holding beliefs that argue with reality, thoughts that cause us to resist).

For example, if we feel pain when a loved one dies, it’s often because our mind has determined that it means:

  • We will never experience their presence again
  • They no longer exist, or are somehow suffering where ever they are
  • We should have acted differently while they were alive and now it is not possible to right all the wrongs we have done.

These are just a few of the meanings that may be triggered upon someone’s death, all of which are the mind getting stuck in a polarity or less than useful reality.  

If you were to really work through any of these, you would see how ridiculous they all are.  Then you might experience new meanings like these:

  • We can experience their presence at any moment
  • They exist, and always will, and are in a joyful experience where ever they are
  • We should have acted exactly as we did, for both of us were co-creators of our experience and even though it wasn’t “perfect”, it was how divinity unfolded.  It allowed us to grow and choose a better way through our life experience.

A close family member just passed a few months ago and I felt almost entirely feelings of love while others in my family were in deep sadness.  Of course, I did feel some emotions of grief come up at first but I allowed them to pass through me without resisting them.

Then, I was able to feel love because I was not caught up in an untrue story but was aware of the moment. In the moment I felt love for the person who had passed on.

If one is struggling with past regrets and constantly beating oneself up over what should have been, they are likely stuck in the mind and resisting reality, rather than in the heart and feeling the moment.
It also may mean that one is holding on to other's truth rather than finding their own.

So to clear the emotions, use EFT and TAT as I have mentioned before.

To cut through these deeper, more “painful truths”, try using The Work of Byron Katie.  
Check out the 4 questions and the turn around and you will usually end up finding inner peace.


You talk a lot about sensing energy in your posts, Can you describe what you experience when you feel energy and is there an easy way for me to feel it too?

When I talk about energy, I am referring to the subtle energy emanating from the chakras and aura and also the energy within the meridians. 

Even though everything is made up of energy, I usually refer to experiencing subtle sensations in these areas of the body when I talk about energy. 

I remember a year and a half ago, I was reading Donna Eden’s book Energy Medicine and she had a simple exercise to feel energy:

Step 1: Clasp your hands together in front of your chest and begin to rub them faster and faster to generate heat.

Step 2: Stop rubbing and, with eyes closed, slowly begin to move them away from each other until they are about 6 inches apart then slowly move closer together and then farther apart.

If you can feel sensations against your hands, that is energy.

When I first did it, I felt barely anything.

Now, it feels like a cool breeze and also like my hands have become magnets that have a push/pull force between them.

If I close my eyes, sometimes it feels like my hands are touching when I get close even if they are 2-3 inches away. It’s pretty cool.

I suspect that if one is left brain dominant (logical, scientific, linear cause/effect thinking) it is harder to feel energy.

The more one brings in the right brain, the more they will begin to experience energy and other spiritual phenomena. 

A good program to check out for this type of left-right brain connection is the Holosync Meditation Program It's a system of exposing each ear to different sound waves (behind music) that cause each side of your brain to start communicating with each other, resulting in more inner peace, super-learning, creativity, and it also begins to stimulate the release of things like endorphins, human growth hormone and other cool stuff, all naturally.


What is your take on Pick Up and Seduction as a means to having success with women?  Are these helpful processes for personal growth or are they negative blocks to a fulfilling life?

It seems to me that the pickup artist stuff is a stage one may go through to break out of many limiting beliefs.

What I've come to realize is one is often trading a belief system of being the "nice" guy for a belief system of being a “pickup artist”.

Granted, one has more outward success with women, they are still belief systems that will eventually be let go of.

So pick-up can help those at one level get to a new level, but eventually pickup will start to hold one back. For those familiar with David Hawkin’s work, pickup is mostly force-based not power.  

This means that pickup can be a good stepping stone out of limitations, yet in many cases, it is a stage where the person still has lots of integration left to do (that is, they are still bringing themselves into integrity).

When one starts to come into the full power of their being, they will understand that none of that outer technique-based stuff is needed.  

They attract women into their life through their energy, as a conscious reflection of their inner world.  

When one feels this inner power, there is zero pull toward expending any time or energy to gathering pickup material because it becomes completely irrelevant.

I began to let go of pick up when I realized how much mind-driven, forceful effort it took to adopt the lines and routines.  I focused on changing who I was internally rather than learning someone else’s material, that way I could do “nothing” and have success with women (which is exactly what’s been happening).  

If you think about what power is, it’s being able to do the most with the least amount of effort.  

Pick up is way too much of an energy drain, for me at least.  Attracting women with one’s energy is much more fun and lasting (and everything seems to work out better).

Q & A Volume I: Humility vs Confidence, Finding Your Mission, and Saying “Hi” to Women

Thursday, January 15th, 2009

How does one balance the openness of humility with the strength of confidence?

How can we go about finding and living our mission so that our life is more fulfilling and rewarding?

What happens if we say "hi' to a woman and they don't say "hi' back?

These are several of the questions I have been asked recently that I think many of us have had to deal with them at one time or another.  

As you can see, it's been a while since my last post (I have been doing some major inner growth which you probably have been as well), so to get the creative juices flowing, I'm going to be doing a series of Question & Answer posts.

I'd like to invite you to think of any questions that you have about personal or spiritual growth and post them as comments or send them through the contact page and I'll do my best to answer them either in the comments section or in a new post.  

Below are the first 3 questions of the series.

Enjoy and Happy 2009.  Sat Nam!


Where do I draw the line between being humble and being confident in my own abilities.? Do I "own" any of my abilities or do they all come from God? It seems to me that being humble and being confident cannot mix.

I think many people confuse humbleness with giving away their power or going into sympathy (which means lowering yourself so others don’t feel bad).

You can be humble while still owning your own strength.

For me, humility is the awareness that everything is an expression of source energy or Divinity, that you are simply a channel for consciousness to flow through.  It’s also about having gratitude for all the gifts you have been given and mentors who have helped you along the way.

You realize that everyone is Divinity expressing itself, and therefore no one person is inherently "better" than anyone else.

Giving away your power, on the other hand, is putting other people's needs in front of your own.
Likewise, sympathy means sacrificing your happiness so that you can be on the same level as someone else. 

This is the ego trying to make itself equal to another person.

Ironically, when you realize that we are all Source Energy, you see everyone as inherently equal, unconditionally.

If I am rich and that man is poor, then I still see us as equal, therefore there is no need to dumb myself down.

It's the ego that has forgotten that we are all equal, and that leads us to sympathize with others.

We can still choose to help them, yet here I am referring to your inner state, not what actions you carry out.


I know that a big source of power for me as a man comes from finding and following my mission in life, yet I’m not sure how to go about doing that.  What is the best way for someone to find their mission?

In my experience, finding one's mission is very counter-intuitive. I thought a lot about finding my mission and tying it to my unique gifts.

I was good at computers, information, creating systems, marketing, business, all that stuff. I decided that my mission was to simplify technology for the world and thereby help people in this information age.

I raised money and started a business with a friend only to find myself stressed out leading to rapidly declining health, less emotional well-being, and lack of abundance with money and women.

One day at a health fair, I met an energy healer and she read me very well, described which chakras I needed to work on (very accurately), then said my purpose was in healing the world in some big way.

I had no motivation to be a healer at all and this weirded me out a little.

Over the past 2 years since starting along the spiritual path, I've been able to quiet the mind some and connected to source energy to a much greater degree, which has allowed me to really take a journey inward to self healing.

The more this happened, the more I felt guided to start something with no clear path laid out (whereas with my "business" my path had been "planned out" with 5 year projections).

To me, finding one's mission and purpose involves quieting mind so that the desires of the ego fade to the background (still there though), and the purpose that’s always been there beneath the surface starts to rise up.

It's like driving a distance of 500 miles at night, only being able to see 10 ft in front of you.

You will feel pushed to do something but you don't know how this particular thing will help you. It's not until afterward you see the utter perfection that the universe has lined up for you to grow in that moment.

It’s adopting the attitude of being of service, living with humility, and cultivating the ability to trust that subtle voice that guides you.

Also it's a willingness to live, and, a let go from needing to have a mission at all.

You don’t really think your way into your mission, you feel it.

My current mission feels like healing today's masculine, or being an example of masculine love.

It’s ok if you don’t feel it at first, just ask for it to come and then let it go and go to work healing your relationships.

Do what gives you the most joy.

Ask yourself, "would I be doing this work if I wasn't being paid for it?"

If you are driven to do it with no regard for personal gain, then you will be on the right track.

Ironically, the universe will provide you with all you need the more you step into your path.

Also, the specifics of your mission can change in any moment too (its a fluid thing), yet your underlying purpose will be quite consistent.


The other day I said hi to a girl in my class and she just ignored me which gave me an unpleasant feeling in my stomach.  I don’t want to be just walked on but I also don’t want to be a jerk over something so small.  How should I have responded?  Should I have called her on it or just let it be?  What would a man of masculine power do?

Well first off, do you have an agenda for saying hi or was it just an expression of who you are, a gift?

You can tell if your offering has an agenda or a need behind it if you become frustrated or reactive if others do not give a desired response.

If I say hi to someone, I have no conditions. I am offering a greeting, the moment I express it, a gift has been given. I need nothing in return.

If they smile back and say something, then great. If they turn their shoulders and snub me, no problem.

In fact, if they don’t respond well, I take it to mean that is how they treat themself; cold and unresponsive.

I only ran in that energy in that particular moment, but they have to live with it 24/7…ouch!

This leads me to feel compassion for them, their negative self-talk must be very harsh, so I send them pink light and bless them in my heart.

My emotional state is unaffected because it requires nothing outside of me (or at least this is what I am working towards and embodying more each day).

Love that comes from within is not subject to anything or anyone…its rooted within your being.

It’s ok if unpleasant feelings are triggered in these types of situations.  It’s just means you have more attachments to clear using things like EFT and TAT.

Our power is always within us, the outside world simply helps by reflecting parts of ourself that we may not fully see.