As men, we pride ourselves in being manly men…and NOT girly men (as Arnold Schwarzenegger would say). For most guys, the mere suggestion that we are gay or "pussy" is a huge insult. As a result, the average guy is extremely resistant to anything relating to being "not manly."
This means anything feminine and especially anything overtly gay. Could this attitude being holding us back when it comes to women and dating? Could it be holding us back in our work and career? Could it be the reason we get stuck in addictions and self-sabotage?
For myself, I have only been with women my whole life (and I plan to keep it that way) yet I have come to the inner realization that so much of my energy was pushing against gayness and being feminine…thinking they were the same thing, and even worse thinking they were wrong.
This was a HUGE mistake.
For several years, I embarked on a deep spiritual journey into the depths of the psyche (that's how this blog came into being). Part of spiritual work is the ability to completely surrender to a high power…an act that requires being open and accepting to feminine energy within one's self.
As I gave myself full permission to explore the feminine energy, I found an entirely new world open to me. An incredibly soothing, relaxing, calmness washed over me. I discovered a deep acceptable of myself and others, and a feeling of fulfillment – something I had been searching for in women, booze, and other quick fixes.
It was as if a second half of me was born.
In fact, it did. As a newborn, I had to tend to this part of me; actively grow and nurture it until it could stand on it's own. I watched as this part of me grew from a baby to a child, then a teenager, and then an adult.
Each step, requiring active care and attention. By the time it reached what I consider "mature adulthood", my relationships with women completely changed.
Women responded to me totally differently. They trusted me almost instantly. They enjoyed my company, and I enjoyed theirs. I loved women and I loved being around them.
As I stepped back into the masculine, having integrated this part of me, I refocused on developing my sex drive and sexual attraction with women. My life had transformed. Meeting and dating women was so natural and effortless because I genuinely cared for each women I met and dated.
As I began coaching guys to get to this similar success, I realized many of them were getting stuck and not reaching the same lifestyle and mindset I had. As I looked back, I began to figure out a huge piece of the puzzle…
As I had progressed in developing my feminine side, there were many moments where I was acutely aware of how much the average guy is deathly afraid of being gay. It's so extreme, it's laughable. It's like – if you're attracted to women, who cares what someone else says about you?! Seriously, why does it trigger such rage in most guys?
My theory goes like this.
When we're young, we have feminine and masculine characteristics as kids, and parents etc. allow and expect this. When puberty hits, now it's time to MAN UP and start forgetting our childish ways. As those hormones pump through our body and our sex drive kicks in, we self identify with everything masculine and deny everything feminine. Our culture also pushes us along this path.
This is where we cut off a part of us.
As we get older, we find ourselves slaves to being the man – earning the money, working, getting stronger, always performing and never resting. It's completely unsustainable.
We need to find a woman to help us recover, to nurture us, and to help us get the inner strength that we so desperately have cut off. We become dependent on women, and so begins the drama of relationships in which our neediness is constantly strangling the woman and her neediness does the same to the guy.
Instead, if a guy can welcome feminine energy within himself, he unlocks the key to transformation.
Why is this so?
Think about it. How does any man become great at anything? He learns and practices it until he masters it.
Yet think about what that entails… To learn something, we must admit that we don't know it…and that someone else does. We then engage in a teacher/student relationship.
WE HAVE TO ENTER A FEMININE STATE TO LEARN.
The more readily we can receive a teaching from a wiser older teacher, the faster we can use it in our own life. Of course, we need the masculine side to claim it and own it within ourself once we do have it, yet so many young guys go straight to this step and skip the receiving part.
"I already know that" or "I get it already", they spend as little time as possible in the uncomfortable stage of learning something new (for fear of being awkward) and try to skip straight to the "I'm a badass".
There are so many wiser and more experienced men with gifts to share and so many young guys who will never receive those gifts because they unconsciously block out feminine energy from their mind and try to be the man.
Gifts of insights, of mindsets, of skills, of shortcut techniques, of powerful leverage. When you start to get how this works, you can see how much faster it is to learn from a master rather than trying to "figure it out myself".
It's light-years faster to learn from a master.
We know this from Star Wars – in order to be the Jedi, we have to train with Yoda, and yes he is going to embarrass us by exposing our weaknesses yet that is ultimately to help us become the Jedi Master.
Unfortunately most guys are not willing to go through this.
The resistance to the idea of gayness is the sign of this. I don't go around celebrating gayness, since it's really not part of my life, but I am totally fine with other people doing their thing.
In psychology, this can be interpreted as the older and wiser man imparting his psychological gifts to the younger man. Similar to how a man's love for his mother is actually symbolic of a deep desire to re-enter the achetypal womb and transform himself in a newer and greater self (rather than Freud's limited and sexually-fixated theory of Oedipus).
Here's a funny video showing how a simple touch can push a guy to anger so easily (I'm dying every time I watch this lol):
Imagine you are out at a bar. You are playing a friendly game of pool with your buddies; joking around, having a few laughs. You decide to get up and buy another round of beers.
Just as you put down the pool stick and turn around, your arm brushes against a guy walking by and knocks his drink all over him.
Before you can even open your mouth, he looks you in the eye, starts cursing, and then pushes you; trying to instigate a fight. You want to say something but you can't.
You feel combination of fear, surprise, and uncertainty. Your body feels begins to tremble just slightly, as if you were just zapped with a jolt of electricity. You are unable to do anything.
Luckily one of your friends jumps up in between both of you and calms the other guy down. The situation has been averted yet you are left with this uneasy feeling of powerlessness.
You ask yourself, "What just happened? Why did it rattle me so badly?"
Similar situations have happened to me while I was still learning all this stuff and I always wondered how I could become nonreactive or even empowered in times like those. In the back of my mind I thought about further training in mixed martial arts; perhaps that would be a way to build power into myself yet was it really the best answer?
What I've realized over the years that the best way to avoid these types of situations is to never attract them in the first place. The real power is never having to lift a finger since one's own connection to source energy does not lead one towards those type of people.
In the case that you're still learning about the law of attraction, it's very useful to understand not only what was happening here, but also what is the best way to solidify your own inner emotional strength.
If you've experienced a situation like the one above, you'll know the feeling when another person's negative energy shoots straight into you and throws your entire energy system out of whack.
This can happen in any type of heated argument; at work, with family, and especially with women. In moments like these, we can become overpowered by the other person and end up feeling weird and drained.
It's not just a verbal exchange, it's an energetic exchange.
Once our energy system is disrupted by an onslaught of negativity, it's much harder to think logically. If your girlfriend is screaming at you it's hard to consider ideas such as, "Ok, she is throwing my dvds out the window…and my xbox…oh man not my plasma tv. What belief did that guy in the forum tell me to hold?"
If your energy system is fried you will be frozen.
What is the best course of action in times like these? It's not an action as much as a state of being.
What state of being can we live with so that other people's negative energy does not unbalance us?
How do we keep our power?
What most people do in these situations is become reactive. Fight or flight. Some will fight back and others will give in. Instead of becoming reactive, a good alternative is to simply remain unaffected and balanced and talk to them. Your balanced state will outlast their outburst and eventually they can come back down to reality.
How do we achieve this balanced state?
One way is through an energy technique known as the Zip Up.
The Zip Up
(from Donna Eden's book Energy Medicine)
From the book:
"When you are feeling sad or vulnerable, the central meridian, the energy pathway that governs your central nervous system, can be like a radio receiver that channels other people's negative thoughts and energies into you.
It's as if you are open and exposed.
The central meridian runs like a zipper from your pubic bone up to your bottom lip, and you can use the electromagnetic and more subtle energies of your hands to "zip it up." Pulling your hands up the central meridian draws energy along the meridian line."
The Zip Up will help you:
- Protect yourself from negative energies
- Increase your confidence
- Focus your thinking
- Instill new beliefs
To Perform the Zip Up:
Step 1) Tap on your collar bone points with your fingers and take a deep breath
The collar bone point can be found by touching your collar bone and then going slightly in toward the center of your chest until you find a small indentation where the fingers will drop into.
Negative energies can reverse the flow our our meridians leading to emotional imbalances and health problems.
Tapping these points will reestablish the flow energy to the proper direction.
Step 2) Place your hand at the bottom of your central meridian which is located at your pubic bone. See 'start' in image.
Step 3) Take a deep breath in as you simultaneously move your hand with deliberation straight up the center of your body to your lower lip.
This is called tracing a meridian. You move your hand either touching your body or 2 inches away from it as you move. As your hand reaches your bottom lip, gently throw your hand off to the side of your body (as if you were scooping up any negative energy and then throwing it away).
Repeat three times.
From Energy Medicine:
"This is the natural direction that the central meridian flows. By tracing it in this manner, you strengthen the meridian, and the meridian strengthens you. You can zip up the central meridian as often as you wish.
Again, remember to breathe deeply as you do so, and you will begin to feel centered, in control, and in your own power. The energies of a healer's hands emanate an electromagnetic force, and tracing your meridian with your hands moves the energy in the meridian.
The central meridian is highly sensitive to other people's thoughts and feelings as well as to your own. It also directly affects each of your chakras. When you are feeling good, it is as if this "zipper" is zipped all the way up and you are protected."
So anytime we feel like another person has intruded or disturbed us, we can use the zip up to remove the unwanted energy and build an emotional shield.
How to Instill Affirmations and Confidence using the Zip Up
The central meridian is also closely tied to our thoughts and feelings which makes it very responsive to hypnosis. A powerful way to instill affirmations such as "I am confident" is to simply state them mentally when you are zipping up and imagine the belief entering all of your cells in your body.
You can even imagine you are locking the energetic zipper in place and hiding the key (as this prolongs the effect).
I have done this technique probably a couple hundred times and I have found it to be extremely powerful at centering my emotional state. I have used it before playing sports, before or after going to bars and clubs, and many times just to start the day with a good affirmation.
It's a great way to counter the negative spiral of the mind if it begins to worry.
This technique is just like working out at a gym. You don't go once and say "well I'm glad that's over with," you keep doing it to build strength. It's the same with this technique.
Do it consistently and you workout the energetic part of your body. The more you do it, the more your body will be zipped up and you will be less and less affected by others emotional outbursts.
Eventually you will have full control of your power and will be "The Oak Tree".
If others get crazy, you will be completely at peace and can usually laugh it off or deal with it calmly and with a clear thought process. Their energy will not be able to penetrate you at all and therefore your power will be maintained to a very high degree.
You have about a day or two to remove other people's energy using the zip up, if it's been longer than that, you will want to use TAT to clear them away.
It's so good, I sometimes feel like I'm cheating.
Give it a try and let me know what you think.
Do you ever find yourself pushed by some invisible force to do something that you know is unhealthy? Perhaps you've been battling with this habit for a long time and have not found any reliable way to overcome it.
You know what you should do but when you are in the moment, you can't help but give in to the craving.
Addiction is defined as:
- A habitual or compulsive involvement in an activity.
- A compulsive physiological and psychological need for a habit-forming substance.
I define addiction as "habitually feeling driven to do something in the moment that will drain one's energy and which one will regret later."
Foods, videogames, relationships, thought patterns, and so on, can all become addictions if they begin to drain our health, wealth, and happiness.
If we logically understand the addiction is bad for us, then why do we do it?
I believe addictions are not the problem, but rather, a symptom of a deeper problem. The true problem is with energy, and addictions are the ego's way of dealing with the problem; a form of improper self medication.
I also believe that the solution is not to 'destroy' the addiction but to 'let it go' by bringing in more of the right energy that our body is craving.
This way we focus on what we want rather than pushing against what we don't want. This way the law of attraction works with us rather than against us.
The Energy Balancing Act of Addiction
When our body becomes out of balance, it reaches for the best solution it can find to reestablish balance. In our advanced world, we receive many mixed signals which may confuse the body into thinking something is helpful when it is not.
For example, when a person feels high anxiety or stress at work, their body reaches for the fastest way to reestablish the energy balance within them: for some, it's a cigarette.
It instantly calms their nerves and numbs their body. The trade off of this quick fix is the unhealthy toll it takes on the body, leaving it more imbalanced in the long run.
Smoking is the body's primitive way of trying to balance the energy within itself. So if one tries to give up smoking by simply stopping smoking, they will feel a HUGE short term energy imbalance of anxiety.
At this point, it's a battle of will-power to endure the energy imbalance long enough until the body learns to balance it through other means. Usually this imbalanced is simply expressed through a new addiction.
It doesn't need to be this hard.
Stopping smoking is only half of the solution. The other half is replacing it with a similar, life-sustaining energy that addresses the imbalance.
So in the case of anxiety and cigarettes, the person could learn powerful breathing techniques (part of the smoking high is just inhaling lots of oxygen anyway), meditation or some other practice.
This will bring in calming, soothing energy to treat the anxiety. The change from smoking to breathing or meditation doesn't have to be an instantaneous shift, just incremental. If a person is smoking a pack a day, start to slowly replace it with the new energy.
A pack a day will turn into 3/4 a pack a day plus 5 minutes of meditation, then 1/2 a pack a day plus 10 minutes of meditation, then 1/4 a pack and 20 minutes of meditation, and so on until its 0 cigarettes and all meditation.
The reason incremental changes are helpful is because energy often takes a little longer to manifest. So the first few times of breathing or meditation, they may not notice any change, but the energy is being summoned and continues to build.
Eventually, the energy will fulfill the person and letting go of the addiction will be the most natural next step.
The Emotional Origin of Addiction
Another phrase for "energy imbalance" is "emotional imbalance."
I believe there are two components to addiction: 1) The emotion that started it 2) The body's current craving for it
That is to say that every addiction has behind it a motive for it, or an emotional void trying to be filled. In one of the EFT training videos, an older woman came to Gary Craig (the founder of eft) and asked for help with quitting smoking.
She said she was constantly stressed and cigarettes were the only way to calm her down. He dug a little deeper and eventually she admitted, with tears in her eyes, that she was sexually abused by her father.
He immediately started the tapping procedure on her and released years of stuck emotions. He did a few more rounds and her craving had vanished in less than 10 minutes.
It was apparent that these emotional wounds were still active in her and smoking was the only way she knew that could ease these feelings. Once the feelings of anger towards her father had subsided, there was no need to smoke.
By addressing the emotion, the craving disappeared on its own.
Many people underestimate the powerful connection between emotions and physical health. They are practically one in the same.
In David Hawkin's Power vs Force, he states
"All attitudes,thoughts, and beliefs are also connected with various pathways, called meridians of energy, to all of the body's organs."
Emotions, which are simply extensions of thought, manifest in your body through your meridians. This means that when you are feeling negative emotion, your meridians become blocked. If this blockage occurs for long enough, then it will move to a specific organ and cause a specific health problem.
EFT and TAT are both energy techniques that work directly on fixing your meridians. By clearing out the meridian blockage at the heart of any addiction, you remove the source of the addiction.
Then you simply have to wait for the changes in energy to manifest into your physical body.
Consciously Participate in the Addiction
One of the main difficulties of overcoming an addiction is the fact that our conscious brain wants us to stop but our primitive survival brain doesn't. This creates stress and conflicting drives within us.
A powerful way to transfer power from our primitive brain over to our conscious brain is through simply choosing to participate in the addiction and becoming fully conscious while doing it.
Since we know that the addiction is bad for us, when our primitive brain drives us to do it, our higher brain starts to judge ourselves during or after the addiction.
In an effort to shut off the guilt induced by the thoughts of this logical brain, we ignore or repress the thoughts altogether, effectively giving our primitive brain total power over the addiction until it becomes an automatic and unconscious reaction and we are powerless to stop it.
You can tell if someone is in the automatic unconscious reaction stage if they refuse to face reality. They go into denial which is them trying to silence outside criticisms, just as they have silenced inside criticisms.
By consciously choosing to participate in the addiction, we are shifting power back to our consciousness until the addiction becomes a choice rather than an unconscious reaction.
So whatever the addiction is, choose to experience every moment of it by being fully present. Then you can let it go when it suits you.
Using the Power of Meaning instead of the Force of Discipline
Another source of power to support you while letting go of addictions is the meaning you give to letting go of the addiction.
Why should you let go of this addiction? How does it fit in with your mission? Where are you headed with your current path?
True power comes from meaning so the meaning we give to any situation will determine how much energy we have to fuel us.
That is why it is so crucial to find your mission and begin to live it, as that meaning will energize every part of your life.
So for instance, my mission with Yang Town is to empower men with spiritual wisdom. So when I looked at drinking alcohol, which I can feel draining me, I simply have to connect it to my mission.
I think, "Should I let go of alcohol or not?….Well, by letting go of alcohol, my body will be in a better state to receive universal energy and consciousness, which will give me more wisdom in my life, which will inspire the articles I write, which will better help myself and other guys, which will provide me with more abundance, which will further allow me to devote my life to my mission. Done. I will let go of alcohol."
The power to let go of addiction comes from meaning you give it.
So for example, if one of my buddies or an attractive woman is pressuring me to drink, it's comparing their approval against my mission. It's not even a choice. In the past, if the meaning is 'so i can be healthier', fun with my friend in the moment will blow away 'healthier.'
Once you make a decision backed with energy of your mission, you will actually feel really good. When I made the decision to let go of alcohol, I was actually excited to live this choice.
What many people do is they try to force themselves to give up an addiction.
Force is the same energy as the addiction itself.
Force is all about the short term gratification, is complicated, and requires endless energy to accomplish. Power is simple, graceful, and meaningful. Force burns out quickly whereas power endures for long periods of time.
Force drains. Power energizes.
That is why it seems like a constant struggle to "make it through another day." This is simply a sign that one is addressing the addiction using force.
When one is using force, they will often beat themselves up if they give in to the addiction. Under force, its very easy to throw away all the progress with just one slip up.
With power, the person has compassion for themselves. They understand that the addiction is the body trying to balance itself as best it can.
If I caved into the temptation of something, then I just say "its ok, I'm coming closer to letting go of this completely" and I don't beat myself up about it.
Letting go of addictions can be exciting and natural once you:
- Find life supportive forms of energy to replace the addiction
- Use EFT and TAT to balance your emotions
- Consciously participate in the addiction to gain power over it
- Align yourself with a powerful meaning by connecting it to your mission
This article is the foundation for a series of posts on addictions that men face. Future posts will include:
- Letting go of the addiction to porn
- Letting go of the addiction to videogames
- Letting go of the addiction to alcohol
- Letting go of the addiction to bars and clubs
- Letting go of the addiction to codependent relationships
- and more
This is not to say that these activities are "good" or "bad." Things like videogames and alcohol can be a ton of fun. It's just when they become an addiction, the quality of your life is at risk. A true spiritual warrior can consciously choose to engage in any activity knowing full well the trade offs inherent in the choice.
It can also be very beneficial in building character to just let go of everything and see how life changes.
Ask yourself, "What people, activities, or substances are draining my health and happiness?"
"What would my life be like if I let them go?"
How effective are all these personal development books, cds, and blogs? Has it transformed your life as much as you hoped? If not, it may be because you are stuck in one of the stages.
I first got into self improvement in my sophomore year of high school when a friend sent me Jim Rohn's The Art of Exceptional Living. Once I realized that I had the power to change myself for the better, it seemed like a whole new world had opened up.
I dove in every book I could find about business, speaking, prosperity, real estate, positive thinking; you name it. Fast forward almost 10 years to this blog and you'll notice my change of focus from self improvement to spirituality.
The core difference in approaches is simple. Self improvement works with the notion that you can change yourself for the better by attaining more knowledge and with constant refinement.
Spirituality works with the notion that you already know or have access to all the knowledge in the world, it's just a matter of relaxing into your true self and realizing the power you've always had inside.
I like the term personal development as a bridge between the two.
Along this path of self discovery, I've noticed four distinct stages that a person goes through in developing themselves: Read, Practice, Integrate, Teach.
1) Read or Listen to Gain Knowledge. Reading, listening, or viewing will allow you to become aware of something on a logical level. You understand the concept and the idea and you can imagine how it is true based on what you already know of life.
This is the first stage of personal development as you become aware of new information. The new information can act as a guide for future decisions, yet alone, doesn't immediately change you too much.
Most people assume that knowledge is the same as wisdom, and that by knowing more they will become more. This is not the case, as they are forgetting a few steps.
2) Practice to Gain Wisdom. Practice is the act of taking what you know and acting on it. As advanced and smart as our minds are, they are no substitute for the real world.
In the words of Dan Millman, Author of The Peaceful Warrior:
Only action has the power to turn knowledge into wisdom. Once Socrates and I were servicing a car, and I was doing the windows and he was pumping the gas, and I said, "Well, what is the difference between knowledge and wisdom?"
He just looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and said, "Knowledge is knowing how to clean the windows, and wisdom is doing it." Wisdom is practice, practice, practice.
When we put an idea into action, we see how true it really is for us and this is the stage where change begins to take place.
It's easy to know how to meditate or how to ride a bike but our body doesn't feel any different until we actually start to do one. (Although visualization, which is imagining yourself taking action, can be effective to some degree).
Something my friend Ariel said that stuck a cord with me is this.
Life IS meditation….Sitting cross-legged in a corner is like a first step. You DO meditation. Do it enough and you BECOME meditative.
It's the same with compassion. You DO the Compassion so much that you BECOME compassionate. Anything and everything you do becomes imbued with compassion because it's simply a reflection of what you are.
Wisdom is different from knowledge in that you have information and experience to back it up.
3) Integrate to Develop Character. Once you have practiced something enough to become proficient at it, you can now integrate it into your life.
Integration is like taking the skill that you've learned, and adding it to your personal tool belt, to be called upon automatically when it is needed.
It's when you take your learning focus off of a concept and go on to focus on something else yet still retaining 100% capability of using it.
For example, I've done EFT so many times, that now when I feel any fear or emotional block I go straight into doing a round of EFT. I don't need to think about it or analyze it, I just do it because I know it works.
Now that I use this Emotional Freedom Technique so much, I am living with emotional freedom. It has become a part of who I am, my character.
When things happen around me, I have emotional stability and strength. Often others may be panicking or freaking out while I am only a little concerned or relaxed.
The great thing about integrating something is that your body begins to automate the process for you.
By clearing my emotions, such as when fear comes up, I am constantly training my body to release fear and eventually it begins to release fear by itself without me doing anything!
This is the key to becoming a more effective person, since as you are integrating, you are automating.
4) Teach to Transform. There is something about teaching that rewires your brain so that you understand it on a whole new level.
I believe this is due to our Identity. We see ourselves as one way and even if we learn to do something very well, we still may retain the old identity of being 'just a student.' When you teach, your identity gets rewired so that your brain thinks "I'm teaching this, therefore I must be a teacher" and you suddenly have permission to do many more things that you wouldn't have dreamed of before.
That's probably why this blog has helped me so much. By teaching what I learn to others, I am training my brain to identify itself as a teacher of all the ideas, which then allows myself to retain more of the wisdom associated with each idea.
Eben Pagen recommends that as soon as you learn something, teach it to someone else. You will be FAR more likely to remember it plus you get the goodwill associated with helping others (just remember how to give advice).
Many people (myself included) get in the habit of thinking that knowledge is the same as personal development, when it's really just 1/4 of personal development.
Reading a book is great and it's the first step to changing yourself, but if you don't take action after reading it then your transformation is incomplete.
Many people feel like their lives aren't changing enough for the better so they keep searching for more knowledge when they are already overloaded with knowledge.
The answer is not more knowledge, it's more practice.
My bookshelf is filled to the brim with great books, yet I've realized that I only need one or two really good books or programs on any one subject. There's enough knowledge in just a couple good books to practice for many years.
I see guys frantically going from one teacher or guru to the next, trying to get that part of their life handled (I did the same thing for a while).
A better plan may be to just pick one teacher that you really resonate with and stick with them. Then go out and practice their program until you reach the integration stage. Once you've integrated it you can move on to something else.
So ask yourself, "What knowledge do I have right now that I can practice?"
Do you have a lot of goals but often feel they are taking too long to achieve? Maybe you know where you want to be but feel like it's tough to make changes stick.
In the words of Abraham, a belief is simply a thought that you keep thinking. I see beliefs as a product of the mind and as such, they are not me, just strong thoughts. Yet so many of us define ourselves by the beliefs we hold.
In politics, people who are on the left are leftists, people with conservative beliefs are conservatives. The belief becomes a self-imposed border, a way of boxing in oneself.
Have you ever met someone with strong beliefs, maybe someone "educated" or someone very religious? No matter what new perspectives or information you presented, they somehow managed to fit it into their existing beliefs. You probably gave up and let them miss out on all these other great experiences you were enjoying.
Beliefs are like employees.
You can keep them as long as they are serving your business (ie, your mission). Imagine that your beliefs are employees running a restaurant. What kind of food does your restaurant make? So in the case that your present circumstances aren't too great, you could say you're serving fast food.
Let's say you are sick of making fast food and you want to enjoy some fine dining. Do you think those same employees are going to be able to cook, organize, and present the fine dining experience you want?
Most likely not.
You're probably going to have to let them go and find new employees that will serve you better. It's nothing personal, it's just that they no longer fit with your business' goals.
Beliefs are the same way. Just as employees serve the business yet are not the business, beliefs serve you yet they are not you.
Sure, if you have really loyal, hardworking, and trainable employees that can grow with you, keep them along for the ride. Some beliefs can serve us for all of our goals.
So what is happening when you want to change your life but you feel anxiety about growing or you feel stuck? You are probably trying to cook fine food with a fast food employee. You have to let go of the old belief that no longer serves you and make way for some new ones.
How can we do this?
We must take a step back and observe our beliefs and decide if they are still serving us or holding us back. An easy method to use when you feel you may have outgrown a belief is to simply ask yourself these questions:
Step 1: "What belief is at work in this situation?"
Step 2: "How does this belief make me feel?"
Step 3: "How does this belief affect my life?"
Step 4: "Should I replace it or keep it?"
Step 5: "What is a new belief that makes me feel good?"
Here is an example with a common belief among guys working on their inner game:
Step 1: Belief: "Very attractive women probably won't like me."
Step 2: Feeling: This belief makes me feel not too good.
Step 3: Effect: It prevents me from talking to or interacting with attractive women to some degree.
Step 4: Decision: Replace it.
Step 5: New Belief: "Very attractive women will probably love me. If they don't, then they are not the type of attractive woman I want anyway."
How does this new belief make me feel? Fantastic.
Here's another one:
Step 1: Belief: "I make X amount of money per month."
Step 2: Feeling: Feels like not enough money.
Step 3: Effect: I keep making the same amount of money each month.
Step 4: Decision: Replace it.
Step 5: I am constantly learning and growing my income every month.
How does it make you feel? Great.
Remember to make it believable for you, since it must make you feel good. Change the wording around until you find a belief that is realistic to you that you can integrate.
Break through your old beliefs.
Be consciously aware during your day to day life so that when you act, you notice which belief propelled that action. This way you identify which beliefs no longer serve you and need to be updated.
It's like what T. Harv Ecker says about the difference between rich people and everyone else:
Poor People believe the order is: "Have, Do, Be."
Rich People believe the order is: "Be, Do, Have."
I might even change this to: "Believe, Do, Have"
Your beliefs are the source of your actions. True transformation occurs when you can let go of your old reality and embrace a new one.
I realized this because I've been having some great successes in various areas of my life yet I started experiencing anxiety about them. I realized that I had to let go of my old beliefs because they no longer served me.
So ask yourself, what beliefs are holding you back from your goals?
Often times our daily lives can become stale or monotonous since so many of our jobs and hobbies reside online.
What happened to the good old days of battling enemies, warding off plagues, and searching for buried treasures?
Luckily for us (or unluckily), we needn't go any further then our own couch. The story of Sahara embodies much of our idealistic sense of adventure as well as a rare example of the charming and masculine man of action played by Matthew McConaughey.
If you haven't seen the movie yet, rent it or buy it. McConaughey's character is worth it, and the story is quite entertaining as well (although a little cheesy).
The film's hero, played by McConaughey, is an ex-marine treasure hunter named Dirk. Dirk searches the oceans and the deserts for history's buried treasures. His latest hunt focuses on a mysterious boat from the civil war era which is rumored to have crossed the Atlantic ocean into Africa.
On their search, Dirk and his team meet up with a world health organization agent named Eva, played by Penélope Cruz, who is in hot pursuit of a disease which leads the group into a war-torn part of Africa. They face many enemies and various challenging situations along the way.
To get a taste of the movie, view the trailor below:
In the movie, McConaughey's character Dirk embodies the perfect example of the rare masculine adventurer. Below are some of the lessons he can teach us to bring out that adventurous part within us.
1) Become a Man of Action
One thing you don't see Dirk doing much of during this movie is thinking. He goes balls to the walls in pretty much every scene. In the opening scene is he recovering a sunken treasure while diving off a massive exploration ship.
When he meets Eva, he is spear fishing off a raft and sees her in trouble then fights off her attackers. Each time Dirk finds more clues about his mysterious boat, he figures out the next course of action and takes it.
The lesson is to make a decision quickly and then trust yourself and act immediately. The reasons Dirk is able to decide so quickly is because he knows exactly what he wants and every action is either bringing him closer to that goal or farther away.
How can you become a man of action?
Figure out what you want in every situation and take action. You want to improve your health, do some research online, find a health practitioner, make a health plan, start exercising. Think for a short time to figure out a plan then do something! If you're as much of a dreamer as I am, you enjoy imagining how wonderful life could be rather then simply living that life right now.
When you feel that passion while dreaming ask yourself, "What action can I take right now to make this happen?"
In the words of Jim Rohn:
"What small but steady activities can I be doing today, that over a long period of time can lead to big, long-term results?"
2) Focus on the Next Step
Throughout the movie, Dirk finds himself in precarious (dangerously lacking in security or stability) situations, yet he never loses his drive and determination for getting what he wants.
How does he do this? He puts his focus into getting the next step handled, rather than becoming overwhelmed or discouraged by looking at the destination.
When he first finds the rare gold coin in Africa, he knows he is getting closer to proving the civil war boat is nearby. He travels to a town in search of the guy who found the coin only to discover he's dead.
While his partner gives up, he decides to find the hall of records in that same town for another clue.
He trusts the universe.
This trust allows him to see opportunities that subtley speak to him leading him to the next clue.
How can you focus on the next step?
Lao-tzu says it this way:
"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."
If you focus on the thousand miles you're likely going to be discouraged, as you're at 0 of 1000. Though if you focus on just the next step, you're at 0 out of 1.
It's easier to get your brain to do something just for a day, 365 times, rather than try to commit to doing something for a whole year when you have yet to do a single day.
The best thing is, the more days you go, the easier it becomes for the brain to comprehend bigger clumps. For example, let's say you want to exercise everyday for the next 2 years.
What if you only committed to exercising for today, and tomorrow you did the same thing. Then after a week you said "well, I've done one week, let's do another week" and after a month you say "well, I've done one month, let's do another one" and so on until you get to 2 years.
It's so much easier because you have less psychological barriers in your way.
The same thing goes for traveling. The times I've just "winged it" with my friends have been the most fun and when I've met the most interesting people.
So the next time you are feeling overwhelmed or stuck, ask yourself:
"What's the next step?"
3) Have the Courage to Become Vulnerable
While they are escaping from African soldiers, Dirk and his team accidentally enter another king's territory. When Dirk realizes this, he tells his partner and Eva to drop all their weapons and move slowly with their hands on their head.
Both of them are confused and reluctant to let go of their only protection in the middle of the desert but they trust him and comply.
Dirk knows that in order to gain this leader's trust, he must make himself completely vulnerable. This effort allows them to live and eventually meet the new leader who turns out to be a powerful ally.
How can you become vulnerable?
This one I'm still working on. What I do know is that it comes down to your own intuition. You have all the guidance you need within yourself.
Focus on finding the thought that feels the best and follow it until you find the path for you as well as the people who are worthy of your vulnerability.
One thing that this documentary on the problems of masculinity pointed out was that the mask many men wear to conceal their emotions is actually a form of protection.
It then shows Mark Maguire as a true masculine example when he has the courage to become vulnerable during a news conference.
Think of it this way, is it easier to become vulnerable and expose your "true self" to others or to hide behind a mask?
If they reject the mask then you can always tell yourself, "well that wasn't me anyway" and although it won't hurt as bad if something goes wrong, you'll miss out on those rare opportunities for someone to truly love the real you.
4) Stay on Your Path
Dirk knows where he is going and he focuses on reaching the next step along his journey. Dirk stays true to his path even when others project their fears, doubts, and uncertainties onto him or the situation.
He believes when no one else does. The funny thing is that others start to believe in him because of it.
He pushes through the difficulties, and influences others with his vision. He paints a picture of the boat and its treasure for his investor and transforms a hesitant skeptic to a hopeful supporter (by sharing the wealth also).
He translates his path into terms others can see so they can join him.
How can you stay on your path?
Once you find your mission and start living it, will you allow others to throw you off? They will try to since they do not know what you know. They don't feel what you feel. They don't have the unique gifts that you do. Will you trust yourself?
Meditate often and you will become more sure of your path. When you are aligned with your purpose, the actions necessary will be clear to you.
When you feel that joy on your search you will know you're headed in the right direction.
5) Develop a Resourceful Attitude
Dirk and his partner are captured and transported through the desert in the back of a pickup truck. While his partner starts to worry about where they are, Dirk is already figuring out a way to escape.
Once they do escape, they wander through the desert and come upon a wrecked, one-wing aircraft. Dirk tells his partner, "I'll bet you a 100 there's a toolkit in there." He replies "I don't want to rain on your crazy parade buddy…but I don't think we can fix this thing!"
When his partner sees trash, Dirk sees opportunity. They aren't able to repair the airplane, of course, but they are able to turn it into a one wing desert-sailing car.
How can you develop a resourceful attitude?
It really comes down to how you train your mind to work. Are you problem focused or solution focused?
When you are problem focused, you see the current reality and are almost attached to it, sort of like a poor-me stance. When you are solution focused, you see the potential reality and welcome new and crazy ideas.
When I brainstorm I often like to throw around any and all ideas that come to me, no matter how crazy. Why? Because sometimes a crazy idea may not be the answer, but it may stimulate within me a new idea that could be the answer I needed.
6) Be Willing to Let Go
When Dirk and his partner finally find a small truck stop in the desert, they have nothing to offer of value in exchange for a ride back to town.
Luckily Dirk had hidden the rare gold coin on him. Even though this coin is the only solid proof that he has of his mysterious boat, he decides to trade it for a safe ride out of the desert and back to civilization.
The coin represents everything that he's worked for, the evidence to prove to others that his idea is right. The catch is that in order for him to even have a chance at finding the boat, his true goal, he must let go of everything he has gained and face the unknown.
How can you let go?
When life comes to take away the fish in exchange for the skill of fishing, will you give it up? Can you see beyond your current reality?
In order to grab the next rung of the ladder, you must release the last one, otherwise you won't get anywhere. The moment in between the rung you are holding and the next rung is that moment of vulnerability and uncertainty.
To climb the ladder you must be willing to cross through this moment, over and over again until you reach the top. But then again, will the ladder of life ever end?
If you want to change your life, ask yourself "What is it that I am holding onto that no longer serves me."
For me, I recently let go of a computer game that consumed a lot of my attention. I could intuitively feel that it no longer served me and so I let it go and my life has been improving daily due to my extra time and energy.
7) Develop Charm and Charisma
When Dirk and Eva are in the team's speedboat, Eva tells him "This must be nice….to have this as your office." Dirk replies, "Hell, every great thing that's ever happened to me happened in the water." Then he looks into her eyes, smiles and says "every one."
If you recall from the first point, Dirk met Eva while he was spearfishing in the water. So when he is speaking about great things happening, he is subtly and indirectly implying that meeting her was a great thing though she can't be absolutely sure. There is a little bit of mystery.
In the next scene Dirk does the same thing when he indirectly asks her out. He does a little role playing with her and has some fun with the process and she loves it.
Being charming isn't something he does for the ladies only, he is charming in every interaction.
When his partner tells him "A bottle says we never find it." He replies, "Make it a case." The underlying vibe is that he is enjoying himself and sees life as one big game that's fun to play.
How can you develop charm and charisma?
This one comes down to living with an open heart. I really believe humor comes from the heart and a person who can laugh is a person that can love. That is probably why women like guys that are funny since it's a way for their own heart to open more.
The best way I've found to do this is with the heart chakra meditation from Revive Your Sex Drive. Do that everyday for a week and as your heart opens you'll find yourself delighted by even things that used to annoy you.
At this place, you will be able to magically see the funny side of everything and people will be drawn into your fun and happy energy.
Often times I hear guys say,"I want to work on my skills with women but for now I'm going to focus on my job (or school, or whatever)." For a while, I thought the exact same thing, "How can I expect to have a relationship, or date many different women, if I don't have the rest of my life handled?"
Although there is some truth to that, I believe that most guys take this idea too far. They think that because they are focusing on their work, they should completely write off everything else, including their love life.
This type of thinking stems from the underlying belief that success with women is a precise skill to learn which requires a lot of time and the benefits of which will not carry over to other parts of your life. Usually this belief is formed because the guy is too focused on lower level skills, such as what to say, what to wear, how to stand; all the techniques.
If you focus on all these lower levels, then you are indeed correct that you will have to devote a lot of time to learning skills that will not transfer over to other areas of your life. If you learn routines like The Cube (a fun psychological game to play with a woman you just meet), you aren't likely going to be using it when you make your breakthrough business proposal.
So what do you do if you find yourself wanting to learn multiple skills but only have enough time to focus on one? Go up a level. For example, instead of having to choose between learning pick up routines or sales tactics for your business, make your focus on clearing your mental chatter and becoming fully present.
This skill transfers over to both. By being fully aware while in a social setting like a bar or a club, you won't fall victim to anxiety or fears that pop up and will come off so much stronger when you talk to women. By being fully aware at your job, you can take a step back and observe how clients find your company, what they really want behind their words, then improve your company's offering to them.
Of course, you may still need to learn some specific sales tactics and it's useful to have a few default routines under your belt. Though your main focus should be on the higher levels if you want to make your learning time more efficient.
For myself, I have put my main focus on energy. Improving my relationship with my physical energy to improve my health, my emotional energy to improve my happiness, my financial energy to welcome more abundance, and my relationship energy to charge my interactions with excitement. It's all pretty much the same thing when you get to a higher level.
Other high levels that I plan on focusing on include fine-tuning my manifestation ability, improving my learning ability, living my life's purpose and so on.
If you find yourself with an "either or" mentality, it also probably means that the ego is running the show, since the ego thrives on duality and limitations. It's like what T. Harv Eker in The Secrets of the Millionaire Mind:
"What’s more important, your arm or your leg? Maybe they’re both important."
'Either or' thinking stems from a scarcity mentality.
"Do you want a successful career or a close relationship with your family? Both! Do you want to focus on business or have fun and play? Both! Do you want money or meaning in your life? Both! Do you want to earn a fortune or do the work you love? Both! Poor people always choose one, rich people choose both.
Rich people understand that with a little creativity you can almost always figure out a way to have the best of both worlds. From now on, when confronted with an either/or alternative, the quintessential question to ask yourself is “How can I have both?” This question will change your life. It will take you from a model of scarcity and limitation to a universe of possibilities and abundance."
So ask yourself, "How can I have both?"
Do you love to start projects but have trouble finishing them? Perhaps you constantly go back and edit or "improve" your work before letting anyone even peek at it?
Perfectionism causes us to stop just before the end of something which prevents us from receiving the rewards that "closing the deal" brings. It's actually a form of not accepting the self.
Even though I'll do a great job on something I often feel it's still not good enough and that I don't deserve to receive a reward, so I don't finish it.
Once I realized this need for perfection, it became so clear in every aspect of my life. For example, I recently purchased a digital camcorder and filmed 4 hours of our surf trip in fiji but never finished editing it. I wanted to make it professional-like with music and cut scenes, and it's been 11 months and none of my friends or family has even seen the video!
I've also realized that perfection is a state that we can NEVER experience. Something that is complete or perfect is dead. Why? Because its not growing. Growth is life.
Barbie and Ken dolls are "perfect" but they are also plastic, lifeless, and they never change. Imperfection is THE greatest gift we have since it allows us to evolve and that process of reaching new levels of consciousness is the greatest bliss and joy in our life.
Think back to when you felt incredible joy and accomplishment, what had just happened? It was probably a time when you broke through an imperfection and evolved in some way. You grew.
Being someone that wants to heal and teach others, I often feel that I am not qualified to teach until I am "perfect." I am writing a book about creating an incredible spiritual lifestyle yet I feel unqualified since I am not "perfectly healthy" or "completely beyond the ego."
Yet when I look at where I was a year ago, getting sick every other week and stuck in my head, I realize the incredible progress I've made and how much others can really benefit from it. Friends and family are already starting to come to me for help with their health which probably means I'm on to something.
Abraham says in the art of allowing workshop that "If the teacher waited until they were perfect before teaching, no teaching would take place."
If you want to start something, start. Don't worry if you don't know all there is to know, that's the whole reason you are starting in the first place.
Life is a journey, not a destination.
Try this exercise really quick. Close your eyes and think of where you are right now and compare it to where you want to be (with work, school, wealth, relationships, anything), and notice how you feel on a scale of 1 to 10. Got it?
Next, think of where you are right now and compare it to where you used to be and rate how you feel.
The results usually show that people feel overwhelmed or depressed when they compare their current self to their ideal self, since you are basically comparing yourself to infinity. Yet when you compare your current self to your old self, you feel a great sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.
Accepting the self isn't "I accept myself and unfortunately all these imperfections that I must overcome soon." It's "This is me, I got a lot of love inside. Here are all my imperfections which are really just seeds of joy waiting to be released and I love them."
Think about when you were a kid and you played with clay. If you were trying to make a figure of a dinosaur, and someone came over and gave you the PERFECT clay dinosaur already finished, how much fun would you have? The real fun is throwing down the clay, getting messy, and making your RETARDED-looking gimpyass dinosaur with your best friend.
That's what life is about. LIFE IS NOT PERFECT and because it is not "perfect", IT IS PERFECT. So why should you TRY to be "perfect" when you already ARE. "I AM" is "I am alive", I am life, I am perfect just by BEING.
People just want to be accepted and loved. It starts with yourself. Get that handled by learning how to accept yourself with all your imperfections, allowing abundance to flow, and start loving your imperfect life.
Life may seem hard sometimes. We do our best to deal with life's challenges as they come up and maintain a positive outlook on life.
We've all experienced a sudden trauma in our life that we weren't expecting. A death in the family, a bad breakup, a business failure, or a debilitating physical injury are just some of the types of traumas that can overpower our most powerful mindset and lead us into a spiral of negative beliefs and harmful emotions.
If we aren't careful, these traumas can live in us for so long that we forgot how we felt before they happened.
A trapped pain can taint our every interaction until our anger, frustration, or depression are just accepted as part of our personality by ourselves and everyone who knows us.
We think, "It would feel so good to be a kid again, free of all the pain and hardship that life has bestowed upon me."
The reality is that although we can never be a kid again, we can still feel as good as we did when we were young (in fact, we can feel better).
Just as life has been a journey with it's road bumps, the journey back to childlike glee is a similar journey.
Some things that have helped me include meditation, affirmations, EFT, energy work with chakras and healers, being present, understanding and using the law of attraction, and T.A.T.
What is TAT?
TAT stands for Tapas Acupressure Technique and is the most powerful method of releasing emotions from painful traumatic memories that I know of.
It's an easy process of holding a few acupressure points while going through a series of statements that allow your mind and body to let go of trauma or negative beliefs.
It allows your body to dissipate negative emotions which leaves you with greater energy, personal power, and inner peace.
How to do TAT?
To learn how to do TAT, download this free ebook and follow the step-by-step instructions, then come back and read the rest of this post.
To do TAT, find a quiet place where you can spend 10 minutes to yourself. I usually do TAT before I go to sleep since it helps relax me and clear my head.
You may feel dramatic shifts immediately or a more subtle shift within a few days. You may feel like a weight has been lifted or you just feel happier or more emotionally free.
This is the process of regaining that youthful joy of being a kid again. Feel free to be creative with the wording. Say the words that feel best for your situation.
I have personally used TAT, dozens of times to overcome many things in my life. I like to focus on one trauma or limiting belief at a time and do it every night for about 5 days straight.
I've done on things that I logically thought that I was beyond and I've found that it's helped a lot since there was still a bit of pain buried deep within my psyche.
Throughout the day if anything comes up I may go into the TAT pose and reaffirm the "I choose" statement from step 8 to refocus myself.
It's a great way to center yourself and refocus your energy. Try it on a painful event you've experienced in the past right now and see how it works for you.
I recommend getting the TAT 2000 DVD Workshop or the TAT for Physical Conditions.
Here are some Videos to help you get an idea of how to do TAT and how well it works:
TAT Introduction (By a Skeptical Vietnam Vet)
TAT for Healing Combat Stress (Part 1)
Why Do TAT? What Does TAT Do?
Have you ever experienced crippling fear? Perhaps it made it hard for you to speak, move or otherwise function. You logically understood there was nothing to fear, yet it seemed like your fear took control of your body and there was nothing you could do to stop it.
Others may tell you to just push through it, and you want to, yet that feeling of fear can be so powerful that you are overwhelmed. It's like the fear is rooted deep inside you and there is little you can do to overcome it.
In some cases, fear may dictate a person's lifestyle, making their life much harder than it has to be (such as in the case of the fear of flying or the fear of approaching women).
When I was younger I had a fear of public speaking. My palms and forehead would get sweaty, my stomach tense and nervous, my throat dry, my voice would waiver; it was not fun. I just kept pushing through and little by little I gained the confidence to become a very good public speaker. It took years of practice to overcome that fear.
If I had used EFT, I could have overcome that fear in days or even minutes.
EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. It is a revolutionary technique of tapping on various acupuncture points in order to balance your body's energy. The theory behind EFT states that "The cause of all negative emotions is a disruption in the body's energy system." So by balancing your body through tapping, you can clear out any negative emotions stored deep within you.
Watch this introduction video about the effectiveness of EFT and some of the incredible success stories, then read my guide on EFT below.
The acupuncture points are located along your meridians, which are your body's energy pathways. By tapping on the various points, your meridians balance themselves out which allow for the energy to flow properly. Once the disruption is removed, the negative emotion is also removed.
This is how negative emotions are caused:
- You think of a distressing memory or experience a specific situation.
- This triggers a disruption in your body's energy system.
- You feel a negative emotion (fear, sadness, anger, etc).
Through the use of EFT, you treat #2 (the disruption), which prevents experience #3 (the negative emotion). This goes against conventional psychotherapy which attempts to treat #1 by addressing either the memory or the situation in the hopes that it will stop the negative emotions from happening.
So if you have an extreme fear of flying, people may explain to you all the safety precautions and statistics of airplanes, yet you still feel the fear. It's not until you clear out your energy system that your fear goes away. It can take many years of retraining your body using the traditional methods or a few minutes with EFT.
So how do you perform EFT?
There are four steps to EFT. Once they are memorized, a full run through can be completed in about 1 minute.
- The Setup
- The Basic Recipe
- The 9 Gamut Procedure
- The Basic Recipe again
The setup is used to properly orient your body's energy system for healing. Sometimes we experience Polarity Reversal, which is like a self-sabotage effect that the ego creates with problems it doesn't know how to handle properly. Through the use of the setup, we temporarily remove this polarity reversal long enough for EFT to fix the disruption. This step is crucial to success because, in some cases, the polarity reversal is so strong that nothing will work unless the setup is done first.
To do the setup, simply rub your lymph area on either side of your chest about 2 inches above your nipple. This is known as the Sore Spot. You will know you hit the right area when you feel a very sensitive twinge. (You may alternatively tap the karate chop point instead of this sore spot).
While you are rubbing, you say an affirmation statement three times. "Even though I have this ________, I deeply and completely accept myself." In the blank, you fill in the fear or problem you are experiencing.
So for the fear of flying you would say, "Even though I have this fear of flying, I deeply and completely accept myself." Say this three times while rubbing the sore spot and you've completed The Setup.
The sequence is the set of acupuncture points which you tap to balance your energy system. Simply tap each point about 7 times with your index and middle finger. You can use either hand, though your dominant hand is preferable.
The list of points is as follows:
- Eyebrow – Located just above the nose where the eyebrow starts, slightly to the side.
- Corner of the Eye – Located on the bone alongside the corner of the eye.
- Under the Eye – Located an inch under the pupil.
- Under the Nose – Located in the area between your nose and upper lip.
- Under the Mouth – Located below your bottom lip and above your chin.
- Collar Bone – Located where your collarbone and first rib meet. To find it, locate the U shaped indentation at the top at the bottom of your throat (where a man knots his tie), then move down 1 inch and to the side 1 inch.
- Under the Arm – Located about 4 inches below the armpit.
- Under the Nipple – Located about 1 inch below the nipple.
- Fingers – Located on the outside tip of each finger where the nail and the skin meet.
- Karate Chop – Located on the fleshy, outside part of the hand between the top of the wrist and the bottom of the pinkie finger.
Tap all points in any order about seven times each (The under the nipple point can be skipped for ladies in social situations). You can use either the right or left side for any of the points.
Each time you tap you say a reminder phrase. The reminder phrase is a shortened version of the Setup affirmation. For the example we used above, the reminder phrase is simply, "fear of flying." So in this case we would simply say "fear of flying" once for each point during the tapping. This reminds the body to fix it's energy system for that specific fear or issue.
The 9 Gamut Procedure
The 9 Gamut Procedure is used to engage various parts of the brain while tapping on the Gamut Point. The point is located on the back side of either hand between the knuckles of the ring finger and the pinkie and about an 1/2 inch back (toward the wrist).
Simply tapping the Gamut Point by itself can be very effective in reducing fear, so when it's combined in this procedure, it's even more powerful.
To perform the 9 Gamut Procedure, simply tap the Gamut Point WHILE performing these 9 steps:
- Close your eyes
- Open your eyes
- Look hard down right (don't move your head)
- Look hard down left (don't move your head)
- Roll your eyes in a clockwise circle (imagine your nose is the center of a clock and you are looking at each of the numbers, without moving your head)
- Roll your eyes in a counter-clockwise circle (without moving your head)
- Hum 2 seconds of a song such as "Happy birthday to you"
- Count rapidly from 1 to 5 out loud
- Hum 2 seconds of the song again
After the 9 Gamut procedure, simply do the entire sequence again (while saying the reminder phrase for each point).
Sometimes after doing one round of EFT, the fear or negative emotion will be gone forever. Other times you may need to do multiple rounds of EFT for it to subside. Also, there may be various "aspects" that you need to get through before negative emotion is completely gone.
For example, a person who is afraid of flying may need to do multiple rounds of EFT like this:
The first round they can say "Even though I have this fear of flying, I deeply and completely accept myself" for the setup, then do the sequence with the reminder phrase "fear of flying," then do the gamut, then the sequence again with the same reminder phrase.
The second round they may do the exact same thing except change the phrase to fear of takeoff. For the third round, they can change it to fear of heights, or fear of tight spaces and so on. (They may even use a past traumatic event such as "Even though I was in a very scary plane ride, I deeply and completely accept myself").
Many times our emotions get entangled with each other and what seems like a simple fear of flying could actually be many fears that are triggered all at once. By doing rounds of EFT on each aspect, you become closer and closer to completely overcoming that fear.
I have personally used EFT hundreds of times on many things. I've used it before I gave business presentations, before I played in sports, and even when I was feeling nervous about surfing in big waves.
The results are so subtle and instantaneous that I often look back and think "Was I really afraid of that, no way." It's like I can't even relate to being afraid anymore.
EFT can also be used for
- chronic illness
- weight loss
- and anything you can think of
Think of something that you're afraid of or that you feel uneasy about and use EFT on it right now.
Be sure to download the Free EFT Manual from http://www.EmoFree.com