Latest Post: Why Your Fear of the Feminine (and of Being Gay) is Severely Holding You Back with Women

Why Your Fear of the Feminine (and of Being Gay) is Severely Holding You Back with Women

March 5th, 2016 by Ryan

As men, we pride ourselves in being manly men…and NOT girly men (as Arnold Schwarzenegger would say).  For most guys, the mere suggestion that we are gay or "pussy" is a huge insult.  As a result, the average guy is extremely resistant to anything relating to being "not manly."  

This means anything feminine and especially anything overtly gay.  Could this attitude being holding us back when it comes to women and dating?  Could it be holding us back in our work and career?  Could it be the reason we get stuck in addictions and self-sabotage?

For myself, I have only been with women my whole life (and I plan to keep it that way) yet I have come to the inner realization that so much of my energy was pushing against gayness and being feminine…thinking they were the same thing, and even worse thinking they were wrong.  

This was a HUGE mistake. 

For several years, I embarked on a deep spiritual journey into the depths of the psyche (that's how this blog came into being).  Part of spiritual work is the ability to completely surrender to a high power…an act that requires being open and accepting to feminine energy within one's self. 

As I gave myself full permission to explore the feminine energy, I found an entirely new world open to me.  An incredibly soothing, relaxing, calmness washed over me.  I discovered a deep acceptable of myself and others, and a feeling of fulfillment – something I had been searching for in women, booze, and other quick fixes.  

It was as if a second half of me was born.  

In fact, it did.  As a newborn, I had to tend to this part of me; actively grow and nurture it until it could stand on it's own.  I watched as this part of me grew from a baby to a child, then a teenager, and then an adult.

Each step, requiring active care and attention.  By the time it reached what I consider "mature adulthood", my relationships with women completely changed.

Women responded to me totally differently.  They trusted me almost instantly.  They enjoyed my company, and I enjoyed theirs. I loved women and I loved being around them.  

As I stepped back into the masculine, having integrated this part of me, I refocused on developing my sex drive and sexual attraction with women.  My life had transformed.  Meeting and dating women was so natural and effortless because I genuinely cared for each women I met and dated.  

As I began coaching guys to get to this similar success, I realized many of them were getting stuck and not reaching the same lifestyle and mindset I had.  As I looked back, I began to figure out a huge piece of the puzzle…

As I had progressed in developing my feminine side, there were many moments where I was acutely aware of how much the average guy is deathly afraid of being gay.  It's so extreme, it's laughable.  It's like – if you're attracted to women, who cares what someone else says about you?!  Seriously, why does it trigger such rage in most guys?

My theory goes like this.  

When we're young, we have feminine and masculine characteristics as kids, and parents etc. allow and expect this.  When puberty hits, now it's time to MAN UP and start forgetting our childish ways.  As those hormones pump through our body and our sex drive kicks in, we self identify with everything masculine and deny everything feminine.  Our culture also pushes us along this path.  

This is where we cut off a part of us. 

As we get older, we find ourselves slaves to being the man – earning the money, working, getting stronger, always performing and never resting.  It's completely unsustainable.  

We need to find a woman to help us recover, to nurture us, and to help us get the inner strength that we so desperately have cut off. We become dependent on women, and so begins the drama of relationships in which our neediness is constantly strangling the woman and her neediness does the same to the guy. 

Instead, if a guy can welcome feminine energy within himself, he unlocks the key to transformation.  

Why is this so?

Think about it.  How does any man become great at anything? He learns and practices it until he masters it.  

Yet think about what that entails… To learn something, we must admit that we don't know it…and that someone else does.  We then engage in a teacher/student relationship.  


The more readily we can receive a teaching from a wiser older teacher, the faster we can use it in our own life.  Of course, we need the masculine side to claim it and own it within ourself once we do have it, yet so many young guys go straight to this step and skip the receiving part.

"I already know that" or "I get it already", they spend as little time as possible in the uncomfortable stage of learning something new (for fear of being awkward)  and try to skip straight to the "I'm a badass".

There are so many wiser and more experienced men with gifts to share and so many young guys who will never receive those gifts because they unconsciously block out feminine energy from their mind and try to be the man.

Gifts of insights, of mindsets, of skills, of shortcut techniques, of powerful leverage.  When you start to get how this works, you can see how much faster it is to learn from a master rather than trying to "figure it out myself".

It's light-years faster to learn from a master.   

We know this from Star Wars – in order to be the Jedi, we have to train with Yoda, and yes he is going to embarrass us by exposing our weaknesses yet that is ultimately to help us become the Jedi Master.  

Unfortunately most guys are not willing to go through this. 

The resistance to the idea of gayness is the sign of this.  I don't go around celebrating gayness, since it's really not part of my life, but I am totally fine with other people doing their thing.  

In psychology, this can be interpreted as the older and wiser man imparting his psychological gifts to the younger man.  Similar to how a man's love for his mother is actually symbolic of a deep desire to re-enter the achetypal womb and transform himself in a newer and greater self (rather than Freud's limited and sexually-fixated theory of Oedipus).  

Here's a funny video showing how a simple touch can push a guy to anger so easily (I'm dying every time I watch this lol):

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

Site Update – New Digital Magazine…Built For The Bedroom

December 11th, 2014 by Ryan

Ok, yes it's been a long time since I've last posted.  My focus has changed as of late, yet that doesn't mean I've stopped writing.  Instead I launched a new project – it's a digital magazine for men.

Introducing Built For The Bedroom: The Man's Guide to Getting Fit, Attracting Women, and Having More Sex.  

Topics include ways to approach women, the mindset of a confident man, exercises to improve fitness, and nutrition and exercises to optimize hormones and energy level and much more.

Every other month, gurus from around the world will provide their best material to help you transform your sex life.

The magazine is available on Apple and Android mobile devices, so tablets or phones. 

The app is free though each issue is $3 or you can subscribe and get a bunch of cool free bonuses such as video interviews and trainings. 

I realized after years of writing and working with guys that their biggest challenges, in fact nearly all challenges, are felt through their sexual relationships with women.

The magazine contains tons of valuable information, plus it looks good too.  Check it out when you get a chance…the first issue's free!

Check it out here: Built For The Bedroom

15 Ways to Overcome Social Anxiety & Develop Relaxed Confidence in Social Situations

January 2nd, 2012 by Ryan

Have you ever been in a public place and felt like everyone was looking at you?

Have you ever had to give a speech, in work or in school, and were overwhelmed by feelings of nervousness and anxiety, so much so that it was hard to speak?

Maybe you were on a date and you knew it was time to take things to the next level sexually…yet it felt like a psychological wall shot up and literally stopped your brain from working properly so you just did nothing, or worse, panicked and messed things up.  

It's safe to say we've all experience these at one time or another in our life; it's part of growing up.

For some of us though, these moments of social awkwardness and inhibitions don't leave us so easily. 

social anxiety and phobia turns to confidenceIn fact, for some these experiences only intensify and growing stronger over time – severely limiting our ability to have fun with our friends, succeed in work, and enjoy our life.  

How do we escape this debilitating social anxiety?

How do we breakthrough this shyness and social phobia and instead develop relaxed confidence and authentic self-expression in social situations?

How do we let go and have fun?

Through the past 5 years of graduating college, going through lots of personal growth, and mainly working from home, I've come to realize there are specific activities that literally wire our brain for social anxiety (and specific ways to re-wire it for social confidence).

What is social anxiety?

From Wikipedia:

Social anxiety is anxiety (emotional discomfort, fear, apprehension, or worry) about social situations, interactions with others, and being evaluated or scrutinized by other people. The difference between social anxiety and normal apprehension of social situations is that social anxiety involves an intense feeling of fear in social situations and especially situations that are unfamiliar or in which you will be watched or evaluated by others.


Social anxiety is the fear of social situations that involve interaction with other people. Put another way, social anxiety is the fear and anxiety of being judged and evaluated by other people. If a person usually becomes anxious in social situations, but seems fine when they are alone, then "social anxiety" may be the problem.

I would agree in these definitions of social anxiety, yet I would add to it that social anxiety is being uncomfortable in one's own body.

Anxiety contains the word "any exit", so when we get into social interactions we often look for any exit to get the hell out of there.  

What we're really doing in these moments is leaving our self (we disconnect or disassociate from the experience). 

We leave our body since we're not comfortable being in it.  Social interactions force our awareness into the body; it forces our mind to focus down to a physical level.

Some people don't have any problems focusing on the physical level, in fact, they thrive there. 

Other people, especially those of us who are more mentally or spiritually developed don't feel comfortable in the physical. 

Instead we hang out in the non-physical realm; reading books, watching tv, playing videogames, writing, contemplating, meditating, imagining.

We spend time alone, and often our consciousness is directed inward (known as introversion).  

This leads us to deny or neglect the physical part of us as if it were unimportant or less important that the mental or spiritual part of us. 

The result: we develop weak physical boundaries and a weak sense of self

Our sense of focus becomes very loose – think of the difference between the light from a lightbulb vs the light from a laserbeam.  One is diffuse and spread out, the other is focused and pin-pointed in one spot.  

For those of us with social anxiety, our awareness is like the lightbulb, diffuse and all over the place.  We need to focus ourselves, more like the laserbeam, into our body.  

This means we must give the physical world a higher priority, starting with our body.

When we neglect the body, our boundaries disintegrate and fall apart.  This leads us to compensate by making our comfort zone inside external structures such as our room, our home, our car, our office, etc. 

We interact with more confidence and awareness when we're in one of these safe zones.

As soon as we leave one of these zones, we feel anxiety in our body. 

It's as if our brain and nervous system wired itself to the walls of our house or doors of our car…when we leave, all the circuits are cut loose leading to a mis-management of energy within ourselves which we call "anxiety."

The problem is we've made the physical house we live in our "home" instead of our body.

Overcoming social anxiety is SIMPLE. 

It just takes a little bit of time and practice to re-wire our brain for social interactions. 

We do this by integrating our mind with our body – by focusing our consciousness into the physical.

Here are 15 ways to help replace social phobia with relaxed confidence:

1. Breathe – The fastest and easiest way to reconnect with our body and stop anxiety is to breathe.  Breathe deep and slowly.  Place your hands below your belly button and breathe in and out, slowly (breathe in for 5 seconds, then breathe out for 5). 

This helps to short-circuit the fight or flight response that gets triggered when we leave one of our comfort zones.

2.  Take a Walk – Too lazy to breathe deeply? Go for a walk.  Walking forces you to breathe and helps you become more focused into your body.  It helps you get used to being in your body, and it's even better if you are walking in the sun getting fresh air.  Walk at least 10 minutes a day.  

If you see another person walking, smile and say "hi."  Now you are building confidence since by participating in short little social interactions. 

This is especially crucial if we work at home since too much time inside will turn our brain into mush.  We need to be around real-life things that are happening to keep our brain stimulated and healthy (and no, tv and computer don't count).

3.  Go to a Coffee Shop – So you want to stay in your mental comfort zone of watching movies, browsing the web, playing videogames, reading, and writing?

Great, go to a coffee shop, bring your laptop or your book, and do it there. 

By being outside of the house and out in public, you engage a primal part of your brain – the part that differentiates you from other people. 

This part will help you claim a place to sit, keep an eye out for what other people are doing nearby, and a whole bunch of other primal stuff related to basic survival.

This strengthens your boundaries and sense of self. 

You also get the added benefit of built-in social interactions with the barista taking your order.  Eventually you can chat up the person next to you if you feel like it. 

I've met some really interesting people at coffee shops and had some great conversations.  Don't force yourself though, just do it when you feel inspired to. 

Once you've gone to the same coffee shop enough, it becomes too comfortable so you'll have to find another one to keep building more social experience.

4. Go to Public Places Alone – How often do you go out in public by yourself?  Many of us get stuck into the perceptions of high school where being by ourself means we're a loser or a weirdo. 

As we mature, being by ourselves means that we're independent, confident, and self-reliant.  

I eventually realized how little time I spent by myself.  Everywhere I went I was with someone, whether it be friends, family, or acquaintances. 

I set out to spend more time alone, to discover who I'd be when there was no one for me to lean on.

I went to buy groceries, shop for clothes, get coffee, see movies, take walks at parks or beaches, explore new areas – anything I could think of where I could experience social independence.  

It's been a very interesting experience, learning how much of my personality is affected by who I'm with. 

When I meet new people that don't know me, I can essentially be anyone I want to.  It's easy take on new roles and identities when there aren't friends or family that carry along all their past perceptions of me.

The great thing about going places by yourself…you meet lots of interesting people.  By being along, you create space…space that can be filled with an inner grace and awareness of the moment, or by another person. 

Everywhere you go becomes a journey, and soon you meet other wanderers on their journey as well.  

5.  Participate in Social Activities – Once you get enough social experience from taking walks, going to coffee shops, and being in public, the next step is to find social activities that you enjoy.  

It's very easy, just go to and type in your zipcode and click search.  In just 5 minutes I searched my area and found a bowling meetup, dance lessons, yoga, a singing group, a psychic development group, a "nordic" mythology group, a christmas party and a bunch more.  

Obviously you want to find something you enjoy, that way you can focus on the activity and let the socializing part come naturally.

There are tons of groups out there, you just gotta do some digging.  Right now I do yoga and qi gong but plan on adding in dragonboat racing, kung fu, breakdancing, and maybe even holding a Yang Town meetup.  

6. Go to Yoga Class – One of the best ways to strengthen your body and focus your mind to the physical level is to attend yoga classes regularly.

The best thing about yoga; it opens up your hips and strengthens your core

Many of us mental/spiritual people have neglected our physical (and sexual) ability so our vitality and primal intelligence withers away. Yoga strengthens and heals that part of us, reviving our capacity to enjoy life in all it's sensual expressions.  

By opening the hips, you release sexual trauma and sexual inhibitions, and by strengthening your core, you build self-confidence and self-esteem. 

Not only will you get in great shape on many levels, you'll get good social experience without much talking.  You walk in, maybe say hi to a few people, then workout for the next hour without talking to anyone.

As you get to know people and get comfortable with the class, you can start to talk to other people about the poses, ask questions, etc.

You've got to get the body comfortable being around other people; social interactions helps you to re-wire your brain for more social interactions.  The more you do it, the better your brain adapts.

7. Focus on the 3 Questions – When you're out in public, it's very easy to be passive and let the mind's old fears and anxieties run the show:

What are people going to think of me?  Everyone is looking at me…They're judging me…I'm not ok..there's something wrong with me…Is my hair ok…Maybe I have something in my nose…They're going to make fun of me…what am I doing here…I need to leave..GET ME OUT OF HERE!! AGHH!!

This cycle can repeat itself so often it becomes unconscious; as soon as we step out in public the entire program repeats itself outside of our awareness. 

The only thing we feel is anxiety, yet we aren't sure why.    

How do we get out of this negative cycle that twists us into a state of shame, embarrassment, and fear? 

Easy…to stop all these thoughts we simple start thinking something else:

"The only way to deactivate a thought, or Vibration, is to activate another.  The way to avoid repeating unwanted situations is to talk about wanted situations.  Talk about what you do want; and discontinue dialogue about any unwanted experiences, situations, or results."
-Abraham from The Vortex: Where the Law of Attraction Assembles All Cooperative Relationships

This is obviously a challenge when we first attempt to think different thoughts, yet it becomes easier as our newer thoughts gain momentum, until eventually they dominate our mind and become our default thoughts.

A helpful way to focus our mind on what we want is to ask ourselves these 3 questions when we're out and about:

  1. Where am I going?
  2. What will do there?
  3. Who do I want to meet? 

For example, just the other day I was walking down the street and I started to feel a bit anxious so I asked myself "where am I going?" and the answer was "to this gift shop a few blocks down," then "what am I going to do?" – "Buy Christmas gifts for a few people," then "who do I want to meet?", "anyone in a good mood, that's friendly and upbeat."

Instantly my anxiety went away since I was focused on what I wanted which directs my thoughts, energy, and creation power in that direction – rather than resisting what I don't want (which is from my past or my imagination) and manifesting unpleasant experiences.

To amp up this technique even more, when you arrive at a public place, park your car for a moment and practice imagining what your ideal scenario for the social interaction you're about to jump into.  Think up images and mental movies that make you feel better; more relaxed, more confident, more fun. 

Spend 1-5 minutes on this process, then let them go and enjoy yourself at the event.   

Sometimes old memories or thought patterns are so deeply ingrained in our mind and body that we need to actively clear them from our psyche.  The next step does just that.

8.  Use EFT & TAT – The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) and the Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT) are 2 great techniques to clear away negative emotions and thoughts in the moment they're happening.

The meridian system in our body handles the flow of energy (just like veins handle the flow of blood).  As the energy travels through the different channels (the same ones used in acupuncture) it feeds and nourishes the different organs in the body. 

When one channel is blocked or reversed, a part of our body suffers, leading to negative emotion and physical breakdown of the organ system associated with it.

In the case of social anxiety, one of the meridians is blocked and needs to be opened.  By using EFT and TAT on the past traumas or imagined embarrassing scenarios, we clear the block and re-establish energy flow in our body, thereby clearing the anxiety.  

I recently created a quick video demonstrating how to use EFT to clear Social Anxiety & Shyness to give you a good idea how to start.  You can also get the step-by-step instructions for both Emotional Freedom Technique and Tapas Acupressure Technique.

9.  Get Acupuncture Treatment – While EFT and TAT are great ways to clear energy blocks, nothing beats a thorough acupuncture treatment administered by a professional.  

EFT and TAT will do a tremendous amount of good and I highly recommend using those techniques often since, not only will they make you feel better, they'll also contribute to making acupuncture more effective.

When I went in for my first acupuncture, after years of doing EFT/TAT on myself, the results blew me away.  The amount of energy that moved in my body, the blocks that I released, the energy and vitality that I re-discovered in the process – it was unbelievable.

It felt like I got my life back – I could enjoy life and especially enjoy people and social interactions.  Plus some chronic health problems went away after the treatment.  It was incredible.  

It may take a few sessions before you feel anything, yet stick with it since it does work

In cancer studies, Acupuncture has been found to increase white and red blood cell count, possibly better than pharmaceutical drugs (compare cancer-drug Neulasta which runs at $3,000 to $7,000 per injection vs an acupuncture session which runs about $100).   

Our body is an electrical system that transports energy.  Western medicine uses chemicals to stimulate and move energy (through drugs), whereas Eastern Medicine uses herbs and metal needles (inserted at key electrical points in the body) to move energy. 

With drugs, the chemicals are focused to achieve one specific outcome, with less emphasis on the rest of the body (notice all the side effects of most drugs)… 

Whereas acunpuncture works on the entire system first and then the specific area second (that's why it may take longer to work; it's rebalancing your entire body not just temporarily masking a symptom).

10.  Get Herbal Supplements – While many people turn to drugs to get rid of anxiety, they often don't realize how many useful supplements you can get for less cost (and less negative side-effects).

I recommend finding a practitioner of Traditional Chinese Medicine (such as an acupuncturist) and have them read your pulse and make a custom made herbal formula for you.

Another great place to search is iHerb's sections on Anxiety and Anxiety Formulas. (Enter code "REY759" for $5 off).  

A good supplement to consider is the natural homeopathic Calms Forte.  It's labeled as a sleep aid but it can be taken during the day for anxiety without any side effects or dependency. 

11. Get Some Guts (Literally) – We've often heard the phrase "he's got guts" or "that takes guts" to signify people who act with confidence and bravery, yet have we ever stopped to think how the health of our gut (our large intestine/colon) affects our social interactions?

It turns out that anxiety and depression are linked to weakness in the lung and large intestine:

"Patients with anxiety and depression often have bowel symptoms…Our findings are consistent with clinical impressions that anxiety is associated with increased bowel frequency, and depressed patients tend to be constipated."
Study on Intestinal transit in anxiety and depression

"Chinese medicine regards anxiety as a blockage of qi, or vital force, inside the patient's body that is most likely to affect the lung and large intestine meridian flow. The practitioner of Chinese medicine chooses acupuncture point locations and/or herbal therapy to move the qi and re-balance the entire system in relation to the lung and large intestine."
Medical Dictionary on Anxiety

I've found that anxiety and depression seem to go hand in hand.  It's as if, when we're in social situations we feel anxiety because we're around too many people who may judge us, then when we're alone we feel depressed because we're isolated. 

We've got to break out of the cycle by addressing the underlying anxiety (worrying about what others think) and depression (unexpressed grief and sadness).

We can do this on a physical level by healing and strengthening our large intestine (aka colon).  We must avoid toxic foods such as those made with processed sugars and flours, or meat and vegetables grown with pesticides and hormones. 

Instead we've got to eat more organic food and more fiber.  That sounds like a lot of work yet here's a simple way to do it: buy everything at Whole Foods. 

Yes, some things are more expensive, but their meat and vegetable quality is the best and just buying food there, even if you don't pay attention to anything, will make you healthier. 

In addition to better food, here are 3 supplements to boost intestine health:

Dr. Ohhira's Probiotics –  It's crucial that we maintain a good balance of good bacteria in our intestine to digest the food and maintain our immune system. 

Too many antibiotics, chemicals, or low quality foods can overload our intestine, lowering our immune system, sapping our energy, and making us feel depressed and lacking confidence.  Read the reviews to see why this probiotic is a step above the rest. 

Triphala –  This blend of three Indian herbal fruits, based on ancient Ayurvedic wisdom, supports the membrane lining of the digestive tract, relieving constipation and promoting intestine balance.

(Enter code "REY759" for $5 off 

Chia Seeds – These tiny seeds can be added to yogurt, cereal, salads, sports drinks, or anything else.  They are packed with fiber and absorb water like crazy, making anything you eat easier to pass through your intestines.  Plus they have a bunch of vitamins, minerals, and omegas.  

By strengthening our guts we literally get more "guts" to speak up for ourselves and be confident in social interactions. Our inner army in our gut (aka our immune system) will be strong and healthy, allowing us to use that strength in every conversation and interaction.

12.  Pet a Cat or Dog  – Now that we've fixed the lower part of our body, what about the upper part (ie our brain)? 

Animals, specifically mammals like dogs or cats, can be a great way to keep our brain clear, balanced, and healthy (instead of anxious, hyperactive, and distracted).  

By petting a dog or a cat, we engage our mammalian brain (or emotional brain) and create emotional bonds with the animal. 

This helps us maintain emotional health and avoid the dips that result from not having a person or animal to bond with (these dips can be experienced as anxiety, depression, or boredom).  

Plus, animals help us to get into our body.  You can't have intellectual conversations with animals but you can throw the ball around and make them chase it.  

For those of us who work on computers for many hours in the day, it's crucial that we have physical contact with other bodies.  Petting a dog or cat is a great way to maintain that physical touch that our body craves and needs to stay balanced.

13.  Stand on the Earth – As simple as it sounds, just taking our shoes and socks off and standing barefoot on the dirt, grass, or sand, can rapidly calm our body down, boost our energy, reduce pain and inflammation, strengthen our immune system, and balance our hormone system.  

A man named Clint Ober discovered incredible health benefits from re-establishing this connection to the earth.

In 1998, a retired cable TV executive named Clint Ober sat on a park bench in Sedona, Arizona. As he watched the passing parade of tourists, it occurred to him that almost everybody — him included — wore synthetic plastic or rubber soled shoes. He wondered if such footwear, which had increasingly replaced leather since the 1960s, could impact health.

The question surfaced because plastic or rubber soles would insulate people from the natural electrical surface charge of the Earth known in the electrical world simply as “ground.” All electrical systems in our homes, businesses, and industries, are stabilized and protected by the Earth’s “ground.”

He wondered if this energy field could also protect the health of the body. Mr. Ober didn’t know it at the time, but that one simple question would set in motion years of investigation — continuing to this day — that have resulted in multiple scientific studies involving biophysicists, electrophysiologists, medical doctors, and exercise physiologists.

The studies have produced a resounding “yes” to his original question and uncovered fascinating evidence demonstrating that direct connection to the Earth’s ground energy has a powerful and positive influence on the delicate balance between health and illness, and the prospect of living longer and better.

By placing our feet in direct contact with the earth (grass, sand, dirt, etc.), we draw up energy from the earth, into our body, and “re-fuel” our physical energy tank.

Through scientific studies Clint and his team found that by sitting outside for 20-30 minutes with bare feet directly touching the earth, a healing response occurs in the body – balancing hormones, lowering blood pressure, improving circulation, reducing inflammation, and boosting immune function.

Think that will help anxiety??

Oh yeah.

The longer one sits or walks on the earth, the more time this healing response can positively effect the body. 

The website also features "grounded" products that allow you to create to same type of connection to the earth while you're working on your computer or watching tv.

When working at home, I have to leave my apartment and walk down to the beach for at least 30 minutes each day otherwise I start to go crazy from being in the house all day. 

Our bodies are meant to be in nature; when they lose touch with the earth, we get lost in our heads and all kinds of illnesses crop up from stress that we can't handle.

14. Clean Your Teeth & Gums – When was the last time you had your teeth cleaned at the dentist? 

Most people, myself included, don't like visiting the dentist.  They find scrape and poke around until your mouth bleeds, find a bunch of cavities, then tell you about flossing and brushing more often.  

I avoided going to the dentist for a couple years for those reasons yet eventually I found a holistic dentist in my area,, and that changed everything. 

They spend the time to explain to you how to take care of your mouth instead of just jumping in there, fixing everything then moving on to the next patient. 

They use better ingredients, are gentler on your mouth, and show you how the health of your mouth affects the rest of your body.

After my first cleaning there, I felt amazing.  I could talk so much better in social situations and had more confidence when I spoke – what I was trying to say actually came out right.

15. Wear a Phiten Necklace – Professional baseball and other athelete's around the world wear Phiten products to help them perform better in-game.  

I originally purchased a Phiten necklace for the same reason; to play better baseball.  

I decided to wear it off the field to see if it made any difference, and I noticed that it DID make a difference when it came to social interactions.

Wearing the necklace helped me to communicate with others easier and be less nervous and self-conscious. I especially noticed a difference when I was recording videos for my blog; with the necklace I spoke more clearly, more confidently, and put together my sentences better.

Each Phiten product is made of liquid titanium which helps your muscles relax and increases blood flow to the area where the liquid titanium is near.  

It's a subtle shift and most people don't notice it, yet in sports it's easier to notice since the pressure is so much greater – that's why so many atheletes use it. 

If you buy, I recommend getting an X30, X50, or X100 necklace since they have 30, 50, or 100 times the concentrations of titanium in the necklace.  

Also, DO NOT BUY OFF EBAY OR AMAZON.  There are many fake knock-offs out there that don't work.  Buy it off or get them out at your local sporting good store to ensure you get an authetic Phiten one.

Conclusion: Overcoming social anxiety is easy when you develop these new habits…however IT IS A PROCESS.

Be patient with yourself as you go back and forth between social confidence and social anxiety. 

It takes time for your brain to develop new neural pathways for social interactions, that's why it's the hardest when you first start.

These techniques and mindsets are the best tools that I've used to clear away social anxiety. 

In fact, now I enjoy social interactions, I crave them.  I love being around fun people, joining in on the conversation, and doing physical activities.  

I'm become more confident in my work, with my friends, and when I'm out in public talking to strangers.  

Practice these techniques and soon YOU WILL EXPERIENCE BREAKTHROUGHS, just stick with it.

My questions for you:

Now that you've heard my challenges and successes, I'd love to hear yours:

1.  What is your biggest challenge with social anxiety?  

When do you experience it?  Is it around certain people or situations?  What kinds of problems does it cause in your life?

2.  What's worked best for you in overcoming social anxiety?

Do you have a special meditation technique or a certain supplement that you use to clear shyness and anxiety?  Maybe it's a type of clothing, or a mental game that to guide your thoughts.  

Whatever it is – write your comments below, I really want to hear them.  

The more we can share about this, the more we can help eachother out and find the most effective ways to develop social confidence.



P.S. Many guys develop "porn-induced social anxiety" from constant exposure to porn and it's negative effect on the brain. 

One of the most powerful ways to develop confidence is to simply STOP using porn and replace it with a set of different techniques and mindsets…Check out my Sexual Mind Mastery program for some free videos to re-wire your brain for authentic sexual confidence that attracts women and improves your performance in the bedroom.

Uncover Your Hidden Masculine Gifts in Sex, Work, & Play with Free Trainings from the Ultimate Men’s Summit

July 15th, 2011 by Ryan

How do we become the ultimate confident, mature, loving man that others respect and admire?  

What are the big mistakes and pitfalls that most men make along the way?  

Are there any older, wiser, men that can show us how exactly to do it?

In our culture, one of the things that many of us guys are missing in our life is a group of men that can show us the way to true manhood.

I'm not talking about getting wasted on the weekend with some buddies, or watching football and bumping eachother's chests after a touchdown (although that can be fun)..I'm talking about answering deep questions like

  • "What is my purpose?"
  • "What am I here to do?"
  • "Why do I feel such grief/rage/apathy?"
  • "How do I conquer my own deep-seeded fears?"

A couple weeks ago, an incredible event took place called the Ultimate Men's Summit.

Ultimate Mens Summit

It featured over 90 men's teachers, trainers, and leaders, all focused on the topic of what is means to be a true man in this age. 

Speakers include Robert Bly (author of Iron John), Robert Moore (author of King, Warrior, Lover, Magician), Dan Millman (author of the Peaceful Warrior), Dr. Paul (from David D's Deep Inner Game),  Jack Canfield, Neale Donald Walsch, and a bunch of others.  

I just found out about it, so while the event is over, all the 50 hours of training is still available for immediate download…at no cost.

I'm not sure how long they are going to leave it up, but I would jump in there and grab it while you can.

Check it out here:

If you want to discuss any of the topics from the recordings, feel free to shoot me a comment below with your comments or questions.

Discover Your Higher Calling with Awake Male’s Men’s Discussion Group

July 8th, 2011 by Ryan

Do you want to tap into your personal power? 

Do you feel "something" missing in your life?

Are you ready to take the journey of self awareness?

Take responsibility for your life, now!

These are the welcoming statements from a new online men's discussion group, started by my friend Todd Wagner, called Awake Male.

Awake Male Men's Discussion Group

It's a place for us men to gather and share our insights, challenges, and realizations as we progress through the deeper experiences in our lives.

In Todd's words:

Awake Male is an on-line community dedicated to the growth of male consciousness. It is intended to be a place for men and women to share and discuss personal and collective topics specific to men who are searching for "more" in their lives. 

 There are already a number of stimulating discussions in progress, such as:

  • What is a man?
  • Where is Male Leadership?
  • Pornographic and Sexual Necessities for men
  • Staying Grounded and Connected 

I've dived in and contribute my thoughts to a few of the discussions and plan to follow up soon. 

If you feel you can contribute or have burning questions to add, I'd encourage you to sign up on the site for free and jump into the discussion at

How to Overcome Shyness & Social Anxiety with EFT

March 1st, 2011 by Ryan

It's my junior year in college.  I'm in my business management class and about to give a class presentation.  I stand up and walk to the front of the classroom.

I plug in my flash drive into the school's computer, and pull up my powerpoint on the overhead projector.  I take a deep breath and start my presentation.

The report is on human resources…probably the most boring topic (at least how it was being taught here). 

As I start to explain all the elements of successful human resource, I think to myself, "ok, so far so good, keep going".

I get through 1 slide, 2 slides, 3 slides…I get more than halfway through when suddenly…I start to lose my voice

My throat gets dryer and dryer.  I cough and  regain my composure and keep going.  

Soon the coughing starts again, this time my throat is so dry I can't even swallow.  I try to speak but my voice comes out in broken, crackled sounds.

"No! What the hell is happening!?" I think to myself.  My face get flushed and I start to panic. 

I have no choice but to concede and admit defeat. 

I excuse myself in mid presentation to go outside and get some water and regain myself.  

All the embarrassment, nervousness, and self-consciousness, hit me like a ton of bricks.

I thought I had come so far. 

I thought all that shyness was behind me. 

I thought I had successfully stuffed it back into the deep recesses of my mind, to live as a faint memory…

I was wrong.

The shyness that had bothered me all through my elementary school days was alive as ever; it just happened to come out on special occasions…lucky me.

It wasn't until several years later that I actually discovered a process to actually CLEAR the shyness and "social anxiety" away…for good.

I had actually stumbled upon a technique that allowed me to heal the source of the shyness and anxiety once and for all.  

The technique worked by stimulating the meridians, which are the energy pathways in the body (similar to blood veins but much smaller), which then cleared away any imbalance that was present; it's the same wisdom behind acupuncture. 

Shyness and social anxiety are simply labels for when we have an energy block in the mouth and throat and an accompanying feeling of nervousness and self-consciousness.  

Once we clear these energy-motions (e-motions) by stimulating the acupressure points, the block is dissolved and the energy flows properly; allowing us to speak clearly and with ease.

In the following 2 videos, I will show you exactly how to use these techniques to clear away shyness and social anxiety on your own, at any time. 

The best part is, once you learn how to do it, you can then apply it to your own specific situation for even better results.

I'll start with EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) and then follow it up with TAT (Tapas Acupressure Technique) for a very thorough healing.

If you are new to either EFT or TAT, you may want to read up on them by clicking on the links in the last sentence.

 If you already are familiar with these techniques, or you just want to dive right in, then just start the videos below and tap along with me as we clear away the shyness and social anxiety together.

How to Overcome Shyness & Social Anxiety: EFT – Emotional Freedom Technique
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[Part 2 removed due to legal reasons]

Feel free to leave any questions, comments, or requests (for other issues to clear).


Use the Tapas Acupressure Technique to Heal Depression

August 10th, 2010 by Ryan

Have you ever found yourself bored and all by yourself? Perhaps you ended a relationship, moved, or switched jobs.

Maybe you can remember a time when you became sad or even lonely.

We all experience emotional ups and downs, it's just part of life. Yet, sometimes we can get stuck….

Stuck in a way that the negative feelings we experience aren't just part of an up and down cycle but rather a permanent down, or at least that's what it feels like.

The difference between just feeling low and full-blown depression is basically in our ability to bounce back and pick ourselves up. 

In the case of depression, it's as if our entire energy system has collapsed and we are stuck in a hole that we can't dig ourselves out of no matter how hard we try.  

We have tons of options to treat the problem, ranging from anti-depressant drugs to chemically-laden energy boosters, yet most of these options seem to be like kicking a dead horse; that is, they don't seem to fix the root of the problem.

Yet what if we had a magic "reset button" for our thoughts and feelings? 

What if we could simply press this button any time we wanted and our mental and emotional anguish would disappear?

What if this reset button was built into our body and all we had to do was know how to utilize it?

Guess what…this is exactly the case…when we use the Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT).

If you are new to T.A.T., make sure to read the Tapas Acupressure Technique step-by-step instructions or if you are willing to dive right in, just watch the videos below:

 You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video 

 You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video 

Here is a brief explanation of the process and how to use it for your own issues:

Tapas Acupressure Technique is a simple and easy way to rapidly process significant emotional trauma, break free from persistent negative beliefs, disperse severe anxiety, and even heal long-held physical injuries or allergies.

Tapas Acupressure works by stimulating several key pressure points (near your eyes and forehead), which is where your emotional pathways meet your brain; allowing you to "reset" your body from a stress response to a relaxed peaceful response.

It also helps you to re-program your brain-stem/amygdala (which is where your freeze, fight or flight instincts are triggered) allowing you to gain CONSCIOUS control over behaviors, beliefs, and feelings that used to be completely automatic and unconscious.

When you perform TAT, you focus on several key statements that help walk you through the process of releasing whatever feeling or belief has been blocking your energy and well-being.

The effects of TAT are very subtle and you may not notice them immediately BUT they are very powerful and CUMULATIVE, which means that the more you do TAT, the more powerful the process will become; eventually you will be able to heal years worth of accumulated suffering in minutes.

Issues that would commonly have taken 10 or 20 years of traditional talk therapy can be cleared in 1 or 2 sessions with TAT.

In this video, I walk you through the process of healing Depression, which has usually come about because a person's energy system has completely collapsed – leading to feelings of extreme tiredness, laziness, loss of motivation, loss of sex drive, loss of hope and joy.

To truly overcome depression, simply repeat this depression healing at least 5 times, once a day for 5 days. Make sure to repeat the intention at the beginning of the video since it increases the healing power of TAT (if you are new to TAT, also do all the initial steps in part 1 every time you do TAT).

If you would like more information about TAT, please contact me at

Awaken Your Inner WildMan with Robert Blys “A Gathering of Men” and Iron John

March 16th, 2010 by Ryan

"Wild thing….You make my heart sing….You make everything…groovy…..Wild thing…I think I love you…”

If you’ve heard the song from the 1960’s, you’ll recognize the reference here.

There is something mysterious, exciting, and even a little bit edgy about the “wild thing” within each of us.

For many people in our “civilized” society, we have all but tossed aside our wild nature in favor of ideals that emphasize intelligence, reason, and social refinement.

To express anger or aggression, to act unpredictably, or even at times to be direct and honest are often looked down as primal or uncivilized.  

Instead we are taught to “be nice” and “smile”, or even to “put on a happy face even if you aren’t happy.”  While there is some usefulness to this in growing up, when we start to step into the adult world, these old ingrained patterns can actually work against us and keep us stuck in childhood.  

Fear of rejection, needing other’s approval, an inability to set healthy boundaries, and resistance to figure’s of authority, are just a few examples of what crops up when these patterns operate within us beyond their intended usefulness.

Young men often experience the most challenges with these lingering childhood patterns.

Looking to break free of these limiting beliefs and inappropriate emotional ties, young men often try to reconcile this by swinging to the opposite extreme by becoming rude, harsh, and domineering.

They become stuck between being the soft spoken “nice guy” and the cocky and arrogant “tough guy.”  

Yet where is the mature man?… the one with authentic masculine power, courage and leadership?

When did we lose him?

More importantly, where can we find him?

Robert Bly, a well-known poet and one of the leader’s in the men’s movement of the 90’s, says that this dilemma that young men face is the result of the lack of male initiation in our culture.

Throughout all of history, in cultures all around the world, societies developed and carried out male initiation rituals to help boys transition into manhood.

Around the age of 12-15, a group of older men (from the tribe) take the young boys, for a year or more, away from their mothers and into the world of men.

Robert Bly Iron John ReviewDuring this time each boy learns the lessons of what is takes to develop the qualities and characteristics of a strong man.

Through trainings like rituals, vision quests, and story telling and myths, each boy learns what is means to be a strong male.

In his book, Iron John, Robert Bly discusses how the wild man within us guides us through this path into adulthood:

"The Iron John story retains memories of initiation ceremonies for men that go back ten or twenty thousand years in northern Europe.  The Wild Man's job is to teach the young man how abundant, various, and many-sided his manhood is.  The boy's body inherits spiritual and soul powers developed centuries ago.

The job of the initiator, whether the initiator is a man or woman, is to prove to the boy or girl that he or she is more than mere flesh and blood.  A man is not a machine only for protecting, hunting, and reproduction; a woman is not a machine for protecting, gathering, reproduction, but each carries desires far beyond what is needed for physical survival."

In the United States, for example, we have done away with most rituals and myths like these, and often even written them off as primitive, pagen, or purposeless.  

In it’s place we have mentor-less boys who try to initiate themselves, often with disastrous results.  

We see this in extreme forms in street gang initiations, but it can also take place in more benign forms like college fraternities, videogame clans, or sport team hazings.

The solution is not simply a matter of bringing back the old initiation traditions, but rather, it’s about learning how we can take that same process and make it work in our world today.

According to Caroline Myss, America was the nation that birthed the archetype of the self

As a country, it honors freedom, independence, and self-empowerment; so it’s no wonder that tribal initiations are not a huge part of the culture (and this also goes for much of the modern western world as well).

The dilemma, then, becomes “how does a man become initiated if there is no tribe to initiate him?”

“How can a boy initiate himself into manhood if he only knows about boyish things?” 

He still needs a group of men who are older, stronger, and wiser to guide him through the path.  

Perhaps the trick here is for the young man to, not only choose when he will be initiated, but to also choose which men will initiate him.  

In this way, he is conscious and empowered as he goes through each step of the initiation process, yet the process is still carried out by more experienced men who have his best interests at heart.  

At the present time, there are some avenues that accomplish this initiation process to some extent.

Some men join the world of business and work under strong business leaders, other men study under a wise spiritual guru, while some learn through the no-nonsense approach provided by coaches in sports. 

All of these avenues can assist the man into maturing into manhood, yet often these methods are still missing something….something deeper….within the recesses of the psyche, or perhaps, the soul.

The work of Robert Bly just may provide that missing piece.

In the documentary, A Gathering of Men, Bill Moyers dives into the Men’s Movement of the 1990’s, and specifically focuses in on the work of Robert Bly.

Bly, a well-known poet, has spent years learning and researching the myths and fairy stories from cultures throughout time.

He says that these stories provide hidden messages that communicate with us on a very deep level; a level that has been neglected in our current culture.

Bly says that although most fairy tales are centered on women’s issues, there are some that are focused on men and the initiation process itself.

One fair story in particular, Iron John, provides many valuable lessons on the path into manhood.

Bly also talks about one of the main emotions that men have been stuck at, unconsciously, for years – grief.

He says that many men mistakenly buy into the notion that a man shouldn’t feel grief at all, and that this idea actually cuts off a man’s ability to feel anything at all.

Soon these men walk around emotionless and cut off from life.

In the documentary “A Gathering of Men”, you will hear Bly discuss these topics with Bill Moyers, and you will even hear the beginning of the Iron John fairy story.

A Gathering of Men Documentary:

You need to have flashplayer enabled to watch this Google video

Bly is an incredibly story teller and has a knack for communicating to men on a deep and profound level.

He goes into depth about these ideas in his book, Iron John.

In it, Bly goes through the full fairy story and provides insights and interpretations that we can relate to in our modern life, especially when it comes to getting in touch with our inner warrior and our inner wild man.  From Robert Bly’s Iron John:

“Michael Meade reminds us of the old Celtic motto: ‘Never give a sword to a man who can’t dance.’…The initiator offers the sword only after the young man’s heart has been touched by the lover’s privacy and the lover’s dance.

…The warriors inside American men have become weak in recent years, and their weakness contributes to a lack of boundaries, a condition which earlier in this book we spoke of as naivete.  A grown man six feet tall will allow another person to cross his boundaries, enter his psychic house, verbally abuse him, carry away his treasures, and slam the door behind; the invaded man will stand there with an ingratiating, confused smile on his face.

When a boy grows up in a “dysfunctional” family (perhaps there is no other kind of family), his interior warriors will be killed off early.  Warriors, mythologically, lift their swords to defend the king.  The King in a child stands for and stands up for the child’s mood.  But when we are children, our mood gets easily overrun and swept over in the messed-up family by the more powerful, more dominant, more terrifying mood of the parent.  We can say that when the warriors inside cannot protect our mood from being disintegrated, or defend our body from invasion, the warriors collapse, go into a trance, or die.

The Inner warriors I speak of do not cross the boundary aggressively; they exist to defend the boundary.

…Robert Moore, the psychologist and theologian, has thought goently and intensely about the warrior, and we’ll sum up a few of his ideas.  He emphasizes that for men the warrior is “hard-wired.”  It is not software.  He may say to men: “You have plenty of warrior in you-don’t worry about it-more than you’ll need.  The question is whether you will honor it: whether you will have it consciously or unconsciouly.”

Moore emphasizes that the quality of a true warrior is that he is in service to a purpose greater than himself; that is, to a transcendent cause.  Mythologically, he is in service to a True King.  If the King he serves is corrupt…or if there is no King at all, and he is serving greed, or power, then he is not longer a warrior, but a soldier.

…Contemporary war, with its mechanical and heartless destruction, has made the heat of aggression seem disgraceful….‘Women hate war,’ it has often been said, ‘but love the warrior.’  That is no longer true.  Most women in the West see no reason to distinguish the warrior from the soldier or the soldier from the murderer.

..The fading of the warrior contributes to the collapse of civilized society.  A man who cannot defend his own space cannot defend women and children.”

Bly does a great job of opening our eyes to the honorable warrior that upholds truth and the integrity of the tribe.  

Caroline Myss touches on this in her program, The Language of Archetypes (a must for understanding archetypes), saying that the warrior is successful when he prevents war because his duty lies in the well-being of his people.

Most of us here in the west have forgotten that.  The naivete that Bly refers to in Iron John is the fear-based distortion that we should do away with the warrior (which many well-intentioned but ungrounded people buy into, I know I have).

It’s basically the equivalent of trying to stop war by killing all your tribe’s warriors, then naively thinking that there will be no more war.
Bly has also recorded a number of workshops which cover other male-centered fairy stories, and touches on the challenges that men face.

You can get access to many of these programs online through sites like MenWeb, or through Audacity.  Audacity has 6 of the these talks (about an hour each) for a couple bucks each, these includes:

I’ve listened to many of these already and can tell you that it feels like something with me is re-awakening, as if these stories have activated a part of me that has been sleeping and long forgotten.

Woven into all of Robert Bly’s work is a subtle lovingness towards being male and an appreciation for what it means to be a man; something that is quite rare in this day in age.

For males looking to become empowered, self-actualized, and authentic men, then Robert Bly’s work is a must.  A good place to start is with Robert Bly's recorded workshop where he goes into the Male Mode of Feeling and Iron John in detail.

Also, be sure to check out similar work from Michael Meade, James Hillman, Robert Moore, and Sam Keen, some of whom have worked alongside Bly at his workshops with men.

Here is more interesting video of Bly that will give you a good idea of his approach and personality:

You need to a flashplayer enabled browser to view this YouTube video

Why Your Beliefs are More Important than Your Genes: Understanding Bruce Lipton’s “New Biology”

February 3rd, 2010 by Ryan

We have often heard the phrase, "Well you can't change your genes"

Or, "That's just the way I was born, nothing I can do about it."

It seems like common knowledge to think that there are some diseases that are caused by "genetic factors"; as if to imply that those who become sick are just "really unlucky."

Many research studies and reports claim that a great majority of our behavior, health, and even our personality, is pre-determined by the genes we received at birth from our parents.

The whole notion of us "being powerless to change our genes" leads many people to hold resentment towards their parents (and possibly God too).

They may ask "Why me?" or say "Life isn't fair."

The entire reality is one of disempowerment…one of being a victim who is subject to what happens to them.

Every once in a while, though, someone comes along and challenges these long-standing paradigms of reality.

Someone who asks questions like, "What if everything we thought we knew was wrong?"  "What if our genetic makeup is not set in stone?"  Better yet, "What if there is actually something higher than our genes, something that has the power to change them?"
bruce lipton
In the early 1980's, a cellular biologist named Bruce Lipton was doing research on human tissue cells at the University of Wisconsin.  

He would take cells out of people and put them into culture dishes to study them.

During his work, he came upon some startling realizations that shook his entire scientific reality when it came how a cell functioned and the role of the environment in determining that cell's behavior.

For one thing, he discovered that it was the cell's perception of its environment (not the genes), that ultimately controlled a cell.  

So for example, when a cell perceived danger in its environment, it would alter its genes in a certain way to get away from that danger.  

Although the genes controlled behavior, the cell's perception of its environment controlled the genes.

Bruce Lipton calls this "Epi-Genetic Control" which means "Control above the gene."

To see a full lecture, see the video below:

Bruce Lipton The New Biology
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Basically, a cell will monitor its environment for changes and, based on it's perception of the environment (it's beliefs), the cell will modify it's genetics to have the best chance at surviving.

It makes sense.  The cell receives information about the environment and then changes its genes so that it is capable of thriving in that environment.  

So we see that evolution is taking place in every moment. 

The old scientific belief implied that evolution happened primarily through the process of reproduction (in which an organism passed on its genes to its offspring ) in concepts such as Natural Selection and Survival of the Fittest.

This "New Biology" shows us that at any moment in time, we actually have the capability of changing our genes to meet our environment.  

In fact, not only do we have the capability, we are already doing it.

We have all heard about the process of cancer and how cells have "mutated" to become harmful and destructive to the body.

Could this have something to do with our perception of our environment (ie, our beliefs)?

If our cells are changing in response to the world we see out there, then what happens when we only see a bad world? 

What happens when we watch the bad news all day, or are engrossed in reality-show bickering, or hang around negative people?

Remember, our genes change, not in response to the world, but to our perception of it.

If we see a world that is dangerous and threatening, then our genes will change to meet that world: 

Our body will focus all its energy on short-term survival; blood will be directed to our muscles, our adrenal glands will be burning our energy reserves, our immune system will shut down, and we will have less rational thinking capability and more emotional-instinctual brain function.

If we see a world that is safe and peaceful, then our genes will change to meet that world: 

Our body will focus all its energy on long-term survival; blood will be directed to our organs, our brain will release endorphins, our immune system will be ramped up, and we will have more rational thinking capability and less emotional-instinctual brain function.

I don't know about you, but I like that second option.

When we realize that our perception actually change us on a physical level, wouldn't it make to sense to consciously choose who and what we give our attention to?

Also, it's not just the world that we see in front of us, this includes the world that we see when we look at our past.

Do you know the role of emotions in keeping us alive?  

Emotions evolved as a way to help us survive.  During an experience in which we perceive danger, our emotions imprint a memory in our mind.  

This means that if we were eating berries by the river and a giant lion came to attack us, we would emotionally remember everything that was happening at the moment; what we were eating, what we were touching, what time of day it was, and so on.  

That way, the next time we were in that situation, our emotion would alert us of a possible reoccurrence of that danger.  

In this way, traumatic events imprint memories and emotions into our mind in an effort to help us survive.

The problem with emotions, is that they can be triggered at random times and throw our system into survival mode even if we aren't really in danger.

So if we have many traumatic emotional experiences from our past, then we may be triggered by these memories and react as if they are still happening to us.  

We see a dangerous world because we have emotional experiences that alter our perception.

We can see how important it is to both, consciously monitor what we are giving our attention to, and let go of old painful emotional experiences.

How do we do that?

It's actually not that hard to do.  Within the last decade or so, many new breakthrough "emotional technologies" have come out that allow us to rapidly process and release traumatic experiences and reprogram our mind and emotions.  

Two very powerful emotional technologies are the Emotional Freedom Technique and the Tapas Acupressure Technique. 

There are even programs like Holosync that help you to enhance your brain so that it becomes wired for peace and relaxation (rather than fear and stress).

I know these processes work because I've used them for the past several years and have witnessed dramatic changes in my quality of life and my relationships.  

When we really get it that we have the power to change our world, it actually becomes fun…who would have thought?

So reflect, for a moment, on yourself.  

What would you like to change in your life?  

What part of your body would you like to heal?

What kind of world would you like to live in?

You can apply these ideas and techniques to literally create anything you want.  

So what are you waiting for?  Give it a shot!

For me, I often learn things best when I have a very thorough understanding of the science behind a new breakthrough.

So if you'd a more in depth recap of exactly how Bruce Lipton came to these discovers, check out his audio program The Wisdom of Your Cells.

wisdom of cellsThis program covers concepts such as:

Why cells respond to energetic signals over a 100 times faster than chemical signals (and why this understanding shows, scientifically, why prayers and energy healing can create "sudden and profound" healing).

Why the Nucleus of a cell is NOT the brain of a cell (and why this understanding totally changes everything we know about keeping our body healthy).

How the Placebo Effect works (and how you can use it to your advantage in creating optimum health)

How the Nocebo Effect works (and why not knowing about it can lead to disastrous health results).

This is definitely one of the foundational programs to learn and apply in your own life.  Check it out here.


Spiritual Movie Reviews: “Avatar” and the Birth of the Divine Feminine in the Western World

January 22nd, 2010 by Ryan

Avatar is quite possibly the biggest movie of our generation…and for good reason.

Not only does the film herald in several breakthrough film-making technologies, it also marks a major turning point for our culture in terms of spiritual understanding and maturity.

In case you aren't familiar with the film, Avatar is James Cameron's (Titanic, Aliens, Terminator 2) latest creation.

The movie is set in the 22nd century on a foreign moon called Pandora.  The 12-foot tall humanoid natives who inhabit the moon are known as the Na'vi.

Avatar Jake and Netiri

The story follows Jake Sully, an ex-marine who is sent to a mining outpost atop Pandora in order to control a Human-Na'vi genetically engineered body known as an Avatar.

His initial goal is to infiltrate the Na'vi people, gain their trust, and then convince them to relocate, thereby allowing his corporate employer to mine the precious mineral deposits that sit beneath the Na'vi homeland.

As Jake learns more about the Na'vi people and becomes a part of their tribe, he quickly finds himself torn between 2 worlds and forced to make difficult life-altering choices.

avatar jake

You can view a trailer of the movie here:

There are many incredible aspects to this film.  For one, the film took nearly 5 years and $300 million dollars to create; a mammoth undertaking and risk in itself.

As part of the project, James Cameron invented a new "performance capture" camera that seamlessly places human actors into a computer generated world.  This means that while the actors are acting, as he turns the camera, the view of the cgi world moves with him as if he were filming on location in Pandora.

In addition to that, James worked with a language specialist from U.S.C. for 4 years to create the Na'vi language.  The language features about a thousand words (the first few were created by Cameron) and required active pronunciation training with the actors during filming.

Yet aside from all of that, there is something much more significant about the film:

It signifies the ushering in of a new paradigm within the mainstream western mind.

It marks the decline of the hyper-masculine, macho mentality and the emergence, or "birth", of the Divine Feminine within our modern culture.  

What does this mean exactly?

Or better yet, why is it so significant?

There seems to be a crucial error within our western culture's mentality; one that is at the heart of many of our relationships, our work ethic, and our sexuality.

The error goes like this: "To gain the power of the masculine, the feminine must be denied or rejected."

It starts in adolescence when boys are taught to "suck it up" or "be a man" and reject any and all signs of pain, feeling, or emotion. 

We see it in the notion that maturing means to throw away our imagination and "grow up". 

We see it in excessive drinking among men as a way to be "cool", and an attitude where any type of vulnerability is met with harsh words in an effort to make one "tough" (I know because I've seen and experience them all).

We even see it in some of the feminists who reject their feminine side as they step into "the man's world", resulting in less polarity with the opposite sex.  

Basically, the whole approach could be called "macho".

In a simple sense, machoism is the expression of the ego coming through the left-brain (the analytical, thinking, masculine side).

If you are familiar at all with the ego, it is that part of ourself that survived and evolved through gain (often at the cost of other's well being).  

The problem with the ego's expression as machoism is that it sets up an unquenchable thirst within us; almost like a black hole that can never be filled.

No matter how much alcohol we drink, no matter how much meat we eat, no matter how many women we sleep with or how much money we make; it doesn't fill this hole.  

The only reason that any of us do all these things is because we think that they will fulfill us.

Yet they don't

And as we realize this, we may find ourselves in an inner crises; as if our entire reality is crumbling.

We may have all the symbols of success yet still feel that something is missing

This is exactly why Avatar is so powerful.

The viewer is able to start the movie as Jake Sully, the typical macho-man tough guy who wants nothing more that to go into this next mission, blow some stuff up, and return victorious.  

Yet deep down, a part of him is ready for something more…something meaningful.

Basically, he starts in the same place as many of us who are watching.

As he links up with his avatar body and begins to live a second life within the Na'vi tribe, his consciousness begins to transform.

It was as if all the tools were within him waiting to be activated.

He is able to gain the trust of the Na'vi people because he has a "strong heart" and he is able to learn their ways because he has an "empty mind".

These the same pre-requisites that lead us to rapid inner growth.

As he explores this new world, he discovers an entirely new side of himself; one that is capable of intuition, love, and devotion to a higher purpose.  

He finds the gifts of the feminine.

As he begins to integrate this other side of himself, he finds he is able to synthesize both his masculine courage and intellect with his feminine love and connection to become the new inspiring leader of the Na'vi tribe.

It was not until he integrated this other side of himself, that he was able to realize his greatest potential.

All growth and healing is found by accepting and embracing those dark, rejected places within us and reclaiming our power.

He is then able to look at his past with greater awareness.  He recognizes the ego's unquenchable desire for gain (represented by the overly aggressive military leader and the heartless corporate executive), and from a new vantage point, he makes new and empowering choices.

*Please note*, this does not mean that all military or all corporations are bad or wrong.  There are tremendous gifts and benefits that these organizations provide to society.  This movie simply shows, using examples that are common to our culture, how the ego can take over and become destructive.

The amazing part is that the viewer goes through this journey with Jake, sowing the seeds for a similar transformation within each person as they watch.

It's as if this movie is an expression of our evolution up to this time and it has come out now to activate a part of us that has long been latent and unused.

That unquenchable hunger within us is actually a part of ourself calling out for the healing energy of the heart.

The way to step into our masculine power is to integrate the feminine.

This one, unspoken truth, could be the most powerful aspect of this film.

This truth is clearly evident in the classic Taoist symbol of the Yin and Yang.

yin yangThe black portion of the symbol represents yin energy (feminine) whereas the white portion represents yang energy (masculine).

If you look at the part of the symbol where Yang is greatest, you will see a black yin center.  Likewise, where the yin is greatest, you will see a yang center.  

This ancient wisdom shows that to be powerful, one must integrate both parts within us.

This message is especially appropriate to us in the west.

Traditionally, the masculine has been represented by "Our Father in Heaven" (God), whereas the feminine has been represented by our "Mother Earth" (Gaia).

Although the west has had strong awareness of God the Father, the role of our Mother Earth is still not fully embraced not understood. 

This translates into a society that is overly concerned with masculinity and lacking in healthy feminine energy.

This is exemplified by the fact that major religious authorities have said in response to Avatar that "the earth is not a deity to be worshiped".

Perhaps some people treat nature like a deity but as I understand it, Mother Earth is not a god to be worshiped but an expression of divine creation to be honored.

It's as if the western world is afraid of the feminine, as if it's afraid of love itself.  

If there is anything a really tough "macho" guy is afraid of, it's love, this is why many men stick to casual sex – they just don't have the capacity to go there, yet.

The reason is that men have a yang sexual center and a yin feeling center. 

For men, the most vulnerable part of them is their heart, which is why they most often avoid it or close it off altogether. (For women, their yin side is in their sexual center and their yang side is their heart/feeling center).

Our culture is sort of like a macho guy who has walled off his heart and is now suffering because he feels cut off from his feeling center.  

Many men turn to things like alcohol, porn, or one night stands with women to fill this feeling of lack.  All of these are false sources of feminine-yin energy and often lead a man to become even deeper into despair.

The real answer lie in reconnecting to nature, the body, and exploring the energy of the heart.

Of course, you want to keep a balance of both masculine and feminine.  Some people take this too far and reject the masculine and swing completely to the other side, which is expressed as extreme anger at corporations and technology, an obsession with "preservation", or being overly emotional or "sensitive".

We want to honor both nature and each other. (What good is saving the environment if we hurt each other doing it?)

Another aspect of the film that is so powerful is the fact that it is set on a far away planet, in the future, with an alien race.

The Na'vi tribe, with their connection to nature and simple ways, resemble the American Indians whereas the gun-toting corporate miners resemble the American Cowboy (though the Cowboy's negative aspects seem to be exaggerated in this case for dramatic effect).

Had this film been just another Cowboys and Indians, it would not have been as powerful because it would have brought with it all the preconceived ideas and positions of the viewer's past.

Yet since the film is set in the future in a distant moon with 12-foot tall blue people, we as viewers are able to watch with "empty cups", so to speak.

We don't have many of the past opinions of who's right or wrong because we haven't seen anything like it before.  This allows us to watch without as much noise from ego.

Instead, we see the same human challenges played out, yet this time, we watch with new eyes.  

Our vision is unhindered from all the judgement and analysis of the past.  The incredibly realistic environment and 3d effects also help to captivate our awareness as well.

All of this shows how technology can help us improve our experience and accelerate our own inner growth.

Another interesting aspect of the film is that it allows the creator to direct the viewers' awareness to things that they wouldn't normally focus on in their daily life.

In Avatar, special attention is given to nature; the exotic plants and animals, the breath-taking landscapes and waterfalls, and the incredible floating rocks and neighboring planets.

avatar pandora floating mountain

We get to appreciate all the beautiful nuances of life on Pandora.

The funny thing is, as we evolve spiritually, we get to experience that same sensation and wonderment with everything that surrounds us right now.

Stepping into nature, even in our own backyard, becomes just like stepping into the world of Pandora.

By changing who we are internally, we actually begin to experience the outside world in a new way; a way that is deeply satisfying to our soul because it recognizes the spirit within every living thing.

This allows us to hold all of life (including our own) in a sacred space.

As this happens, all of nature is transformed before our very eyes.  This doesn't mean that we lose our practicality with nature, it's just that we honor it because we know it's source.

That could well be one of our greatest gifts ever, and Avatar helps us to tap into that ability.

One of the things that kind of confused me when I first watch this movie was how it ended.

If these people are supposed to be tuned in to nature, if they hold all life sacred and are aware of the interconnectedness of all of life, why do they fight back?

Aren't they connected to those they fight?

What was even more extreme was that fact that the animals and the moon-planet herself appeared to fight back.

I later realized that the Na'vi people were very much feminine in their nature; they have cat-like features, were very adapt at intuitive guidance, and lived in harmony with nature.

If you know anything about female animals, you will know when they will attack; if their nest or young are threatened, of course.

So the Na'vi themselves have to evolve, just as the humans do.

The first time I watched the movie, I was really hoping that the Na'vi would find some way to transcend the fighting and evoke a change in consciousness in it's attackers.

Yet, the more I thought about this, the more I realized how it really works out for the best.

The movie meets the audience where they are.

It's been said that the first step of change is acceptance.

Our culture as a whole, especially movie go'ers, are still in the "good triumphs over evil" paradigm.

Perhaps we will discover, in future Avatar sequels, that fighting back is often just a short term solution that doesn't really change much.

The real and lasting change occurs within our own consciousness and includes and benefits everyone involved.

The irony is that sometimes we need a good fight to realize this.

In spiritual work, one discovers how the outside world is a reflection of one's inner consciousness.  As we go within to "fight our battles", our enemies are transformed into allies.  

The Na'vi may have been able to overpower the small corporate mining operation, but what happens if an entire army comes back to Pandora?

It is up to the Na'vi to begin to integrate their masculine side of intelligence, courage, and perseverance.

Luckily for them, they have just the leader who can help them do it.

So what about this film would make it a once-in-a generation milestone?

Is there something about Avatar that points the way to the next 10 or 20 years?

If we look back to one of the most successful and influential movie series of all time, we may find some clues.

Star Wars first came out in the late 70's and heralded in, not only a whole new level of film-making technology, it also brought us an entire world of robots, space battles, and jedi-superheroes.

If we look at our world at the time, we can see that the movie was the precursor to the technology and information age.

In the early 80's we saw the emergence of the personal computer, videogames, and other technologies that dramatically altered our culture…and Star Wars seemed to have paved the way.

I believe Avatar signifies that a similar jump in our culture's evolution is about to take place.

While Star Wars shows us how we could use our left-brain, mental-intelligence to change our world, perhaps Avatar is showing us how we can use our right-brained, feeling-intuition to change ourselves.

Star Wars came to us as we explored the power of the mind, perhaps Avatar is here to show us the power of the heart.

Star Wars came to us imbued with a deep Masculine-Father theme ("Luke….I am your father") whereas Avatar comes to us with a deep Feminine-Mother theme.
It seems to me the next area of our evolution does not lie simply in more advanced microchips, synthetic pharmaceuticals, or dynamic computer systems, but instead, in advancing our own intuition, our self-healing power, and in discovering our innermost spiritual essence.

Time will tell.

If you liked the music in Avatar, I would recommend checking out any Adiemus album or Robert Gass' Medicine Wheel.

Adiemus is a group that uses a made-up language with tribal beats that I was reminded of while watching Avatar.

Robert Gass' Medicine Wheel features many native American songs that will help you tune in to the connection to Mother Earth, especially the song based on the Speech by Chief Seattle, which is profoundly powerful and moving.

There is a tremendous amount of wisdom, power, and love available to us as we step into this new world of feeling and intuition.

For us as men, our greatest gifts can be accessed through the heart.

In watching Jake's transformation into "Toruk Makto", the tribe's powerful and inspiring new leader, we see a perfect example of how this plays out.

Of course, everyone who watches Avatar will get something different.

What did you think of Avatar?

Did you have any realizations or 'ah-ha' moments?

How did it affect you?

Feel free to leave a comment below. 

By the way, be sure to check out this article on Avatar's archetypal message, as well as the official Avatar community, and the Avatar Wiki.

And of course, here are some programs that I recommend to help you on this path of healing your heart and living your deepest purpose:

Entrain the Brain – Remove Fear & Anxiety by Listening to a CD 
Abundance "Tapping" – Remove Subconscious Money Blocks
Total Well Cleanse – Detoxify your Body for more Energy